More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is exactly what I was thinking about. While we laugh at movies like "Father of the Bride," and the stereotype of the overprotective father, part of that whole thing is based in a father's concern about his daughter's sexuality (which could range from a justifiable fear about not wanting their daughters to be taken advantage of to actual jealousy of the man in her life).

Yep. Some daughters go along with this until they are 100 years old just to make their fathers feel like the big bad patriarch for eternity. Fathers are considered the protector to the point where a grown ass woman gets around her father and starts acting like a submissive baby.

To a lesser extent this happens with mothers and sons. I know of mothers (and sisters) who consider themselves the woman in their sons' (and brothers') lives to the point where they haze the hell out of any other woman. It is very strange.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yep. Some daughters go along with this until they are 100 years old just to make their fathers feel like the big bad patriarch for eternity. Fathers are considered the protector to the point where a grown ass woman gets around her father and starts acting like a submissive baby.

I've definitely seen this.

I also wonder how many fathers use the "he can't provide for you" excuse to sabotage their daughters' relationships. If a woman becomes a child when her father's around and takes her father's advice about EVERYTHING, I could see it happen--even if the guy isn't a scrub.

This + the chastity pledges discussion + a discussion with my sister earlier today about how her 9 year-old son thinks like a chauvinist = a nauseous Munchkin, LOL.

[agzg]

Hmmm... I suppose I'm having a hard time looking outside of my own relationship with my father. I also think that the place where I am in life (age, career-wise) tinges my view on these subjects because... many potential candidates for Mr. agzg, while they may be in successful careers, are only at the start of their careers, and most of them make peanuts.

As do I. So I just figure, live-in puts his peanuts with my peanuts and together we have enough peanut butter for the whole month. Obviously I'm having a hard time envisioning one of us making drastically more or less than the other and what that will look like, although I am aware of the possibility of that happening.

Put that last paragraph in context of the chastity pledges and we have a whooole different meaning.

And I just talked myself in circles.

[cheerfulgreek]

I just think that everyone has their own views on what a relationship should be about. That's why I wouldn't be with a guy unless we had similar goals, and views of what a relationship/marriage is. Not everyone thinks the same way about it, so if whatever works for you and your Mr. then don't change it. I also don't believe in separate bank accounts, because no matter what kind of income I'm making, I believe what's mine is his and vise versa. However, I also want to feel and know that I'm financially secure with the guy I marry, so our financial goals and views need to match. I also know that he has financial, physical, and emotional needs that I should be meeting. It's just that I think it should work both ways.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I already know when I'm done with everything, I'll be the bread winner....

Not to get all in your personal business/

Do you know this based on the man that you are currently dating and the maximum earning potential of his career?

/Not to get all in your personal business

I agree with much of the other things you said.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Hmmm... I suppose I'm having a hard time looking outside of my own relationship with my father. I also think that the place where I am in life (age, career-wise) tinges my view on these subjects because... many potential candidates for Mr. agzg, while they may be in successful careers, are only at the start of their careers, and most of them make peanuts.

As do I. So I just figure, live-in puts his peanuts with my peanuts and together we have enough peanut butter for the whole month. Obviously I'm having a hard time envisioning one of us making drastically more or less than the other and what that will look like, although I am aware of the possibility of that happening.

You don't see how it's going to happen, but it will. I remember when I had my first job out of grad school, making nothing. I make over 2 times that amount now, and it's only been about 4.5 years. It may not happen that quickly, but it will happen.

Even though I made peanuts, I made much more and have more education than my former "live-in." It didn't become an issue until I got out of school, started working for a while, and my social life changed. It wasn't hanging out with old friends in a similar spot anymore; a lot of it was based on meeting new women from my sorority chapter, going to Happy Hours with my college alumni association, and meeting new people. Whereas once every few years he had to wear a suit for a social event, there were events all the time that required business wear, and sometimes even black tie (needless to say, I didn't even think about bringing him along to the white-tie events I helped organize). This wasn't just my group of friends at that time--this was the world that I was raised to be a part of.

It was hard to bring him into that world, and he didn't want to be brought into it, either. Add that to the stress of being the "breadwinner," and it was a recipe for disaster.

It wasn't just because he made less, either. It was income + education + comfort with being around people with more income and education. That's why I can say that I can stomach being with someone who could potentially make less than I IFF they're as educated as I am, can bring something similar to the table, and can feel comfortable. Schoolteachers and public interest lawyers can probably feel comfortable in my world. The grocery checkout guy? The cook/car salesman/retail guy who can't hold down a job long enough to get insurance? Probably not.

So, this isn't simply someone saying what she could never do. I did it, this is how it worked out, and this is why I'll never do it again in that manner.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, when I'm done with school, I won't have any student loans to pay back. Plus, I'll be doing a non-traditional 4 year residency after I graduate which is coming up next year. I was just saying that if he's making what he's making now. But, great point, I guess I didn't look at it that way. He hasn't discussed that part with me yet.

Yeah, you don't want to be presumptuous because you don't really know and it has a certain tone to it. If I picked up on that tone then I'm positive many men would see that as a challenge to their manhood.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter.

Ex-job story #572: We got a new representative from one of the vendors we dealt with. Well he comes in, introduces himself, and starts talking about his family, including the fact that his daughters went to a purity ball and wear purity rings. Now as if this isn't squicky ENOUGH, our department head asks him if he can talk with him further about that, because his daughters are getting to be "that age." I can only say TMMFI.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Ex-job story #572: We got a new representative from one of the vendors we dealt with. Well he comes in, introduces himself, and starts talking about his family, including the fact that his daughters went to a purity ball and wear purity rings. Now as if this isn't squicky ENOUGH, our department head asks him if he can talk with him further about that, because his daughters are getting to be "that age." I can only say TMMFI.

Ya gotta get em before the boys do!!

Fathers are the only ones who can smack them on the ass and say "who's yo daddy?!?!?!?!"

[starang21]

you have a boy, you gotta worry about one penis.

you have a girl, you gotta worry about all the penises.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

Ok all this father daughter chastity talk screams Joe Simpson to me. Anyone else??

I make more than my husband. He's ok with that. I have more earning potential salary wise. He has more work potential and OT. We joke I'm his sugarmomma and whatnot. It's not a big deal to him or us because we're a team in our marriage.

And besides the financial side, he provides in other ways. Like being a huge DIYer around the house so we never have to pay a pro. Or doing 1/2 the household duties.

I would rather have that than a huge paycheck from him.

[AGDee]

The father/daughter chastity stuff makes me sick to my stomach. I think it is creepy. But hey, I had a crappy relationship with my dad and can't imagine ever discussing anything about intimacy with him.

[Brett]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I just think that everyone has their own views on what a relationship should be about. That's why I wouldn't be with a guy unless we had similar goals, and views of what a relationship/marriage is. Not everyone thinks the same way about it, so if whatever works for you and your Mr. then don't change it. I also don't believe in separate bank accounts, because no matter what kind of income I'm making, I believe what's mine is his and vise versa. However, I also want to feel and know that I'm financially secure with the guy I marry, so our financial goals and views need to match. I also know that he has financial, physical, and emotional needs that I should be meeting. It's just that I think it should work both ways.

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It wasn't just because he made less, either. It was income + education + comfort with being around people with more income and education. That's why I can say that I can stomach being with someone who could potentially make less than I IFF they're as educated as I am, can bring something similar to the table, and can feel comfortable. Schoolteachers and public interest lawyers can probably feel comfortable in my world. The grocery checkout guy? The cook/car salesman/retail guy who can't hold down a job long enough to get insurance? Probably not.

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Brett

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

You didn't read her whole post. Try again noob.

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You didn't read her whole post. Try again noob.

Maybe I'm wrong but I think this is a reincarnation, not a noob, lol