Quote:
Originally Posted by agzg
Hmmm... I suppose I'm having a hard time looking outside of my own relationship with my father. I also think that the place where I am in life (age, career-wise) tinges my view on these subjects because... many potential candidates for Mr. agzg, while they may be in successful careers, are only at the start of their careers, and most of them make peanuts.
As do I. So I just figure, live-in puts his peanuts with my peanuts and together we have enough peanut butter for the whole month. Obviously I'm having a hard time envisioning one of us making drastically more or less than the other and what that will look like, although I am aware of the possibility of that happening.
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You don't see how it's going to happen, but it will. I remember when I had my first job out of grad school, making nothing. I make over 2 times that amount now, and it's only been about 4.5 years. It may not happen that quickly, but it will happen.
Even though I made peanuts, I made much more and have more education than my former "live-in." It didn't become an issue until I got out of school, started working for a while, and my social life changed. It wasn't hanging out with old friends in a similar spot anymore; a lot of it was based on meeting new women from my sorority chapter, going to Happy Hours with my college alumni association, and meeting new people. Whereas once every few years he had to wear a suit for a social event, there were events all the time that required business wear, and sometimes even black tie (needless to say, I didn't even
think about bringing him along to the white-tie events I helped organize). This wasn't just my group of friends at that time--this was the world that I was raised to be a part of.
It was hard to bring him into that world, and he didn't want to be brought into it, either. Add that to the stress of being the "breadwinner," and it was a recipe for disaster.
It wasn't just because he made less, either. It was income + education + comfort with being around people with more income and education. That's why I can say that I can stomach being with someone who could potentially make less than I IFF they're as educated as I am, can bring something similar to the table, and can feel comfortable. Schoolteachers and public interest lawyers can probably feel comfortable in my world. The grocery checkout guy? The cook/car salesman/retail guy who can't hold down a job long enough to get insurance? Probably not.
So, this isn't simply someone saying what she could never do. I did it, this is how it worked out, and this is why I'll never do it again in that manner.
Hybrid Mode
