More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Instead of being passive aggressive, I guess I'll respond directly.

I don't bite on the "meeting her needs finanically, emotionally, and physically." Obviously emotional and physical needs should be met by one's partner, regardless of husband or wife status. It's the financial part that really sticks in my craw.

If I make $400,000.00 per year, are my "financial needs" the same as any other woman's? If yes, then I call bullshit. That's not equality. I should be meeting my husband's financial needs just as much as he meets my own.

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

That depends on what one means by "physical needs." I'd say that a father would ideally want his daughter to be happy/content in her marriage and that's definitely a part of the picture, and it shouldn't go beyond that. If it causes the breakdown of a marriage, a simple "it's not going to work out because I'm unhappy, Dad" should suffice.

Unless I'm wrong and fathers generally do sit around thinking about his daughter's sex life. Obviously, the relationship between the daughter and the father would play a role, too (some dads and daughters are more open or have different relationship dynamics).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

That depends on what one means by "physical needs." I'd say that a father would ideally want his daughter to be happy/content in her marriage and that's definitely a part of the picture, and it shouldn't go beyond that. If it causes the breakdown of a marriage, a simple "it's not going to work out because I'm unhappy, Dad" should suffice.

Unless I'm wrong and fathers generally do sit around thinking about his daughter's sex life. Obviously, the relationship between the daughter and the father would play a role, too (some dads and daughters are more open or have different relationship dynamics).

Right. I thought about what "physical needs" could mean and that's all I could come up with.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Right. I thought about what "physical needs" could mean and that's all I could come up with.

Generally, it probably would refer to fathers (and mothers) wanting their daughters (and children) to be physically and mentally safe and sound.

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter. This is something that they tend not to want to discuss with others or think about for long periods of time. It makes them cringe. But, it is something that fathers deal with because of the nature of patriarchy and the family structure.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter. This is something that they tend not to want to discuss with others or think about for long periods of time. It makes them cringe. But, it is something that fathers deal with because of the nature of patriarchy and the family structure.

This is exactly what I was thinking about. While we laugh at movies like "Father of the Bride," and the stereotype of the overprotective father, part of that whole thing is based in a father's concern about his daughter's sexuality (which could range from a justifiable fear about not wanting their daughters to be taken advantage of to actual jealousy of the man in her life).

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is exactly what I was thinking about. While we laugh at movies like "Father of the Bride," and the stereotype of the overprotective father, part of that whole thing is based in a father's concern about his daughter's sexuality (which could range from a justifiable fear about not wanting their daughters to be taken advantage of to actual jealousy of the man in her life).

Yep. Some daughters go along with this until they are 100 years old just to make their fathers feel like the big bad patriarch for eternity. Fathers are considered the protector to the point where a grown ass woman gets around her father and starts acting like a submissive baby.

To a lesser extent this happens with mothers and sons. I know of mothers (and sisters) who consider themselves the woman in their sons' (and brothers') lives to the point where they haze the hell out of any other woman. It is very strange.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yep. Some daughters go along with this until they are 100 years old just to make their fathers feel like the big bad patriarch for eternity. Fathers are considered the protector to the point where a grown ass woman gets around her father and starts acting like a submissive baby.

I've definitely seen this.

I also wonder how many fathers use the "he can't provide for you" excuse to sabotage their daughters' relationships. If a woman becomes a child when her father's around and takes her father's advice about EVERYTHING, I could see it happen--even if the guy isn't a scrub.

This + the chastity pledges discussion + a discussion with my sister earlier today about how her 9 year-old son thinks like a chauvinist = a nauseous Munchkin, LOL.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter.

Ex-job story #572: We got a new representative from one of the vendors we dealt with. Well he comes in, introduces himself, and starts talking about his family, including the fact that his daughters went to a purity ball and wear purity rings. Now as if this isn't squicky ENOUGH, our department head asks him if he can talk with him further about that, because his daughters are getting to be "that age." I can only say TMMFI.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Ex-job story #572: We got a new representative from one of the vendors we dealt with. Well he comes in, introduces himself, and starts talking about his family, including the fact that his daughters went to a purity ball and wear purity rings. Now as if this isn't squicky ENOUGH, our department head asks him if he can talk with him further about that, because his daughters are getting to be "that age." I can only say TMMFI.

Ya gotta get em before the boys do!!

Fathers are the only ones who can smack them on the ass and say "who's yo daddy?!?!?!?!"

[starang21]

you have a boy, you gotta worry about one penis.

you have a girl, you gotta worry about all the penises.

[cheerfulgreek]

I just think that everyone has their own views on what a relationship should be about. That's why I wouldn't be with a guy unless we had similar goals, and views of what a relationship/marriage is. Not everyone thinks the same way about it, so if whatever works for you and your Mr. then don't change it. I also don't believe in separate bank accounts, because no matter what kind of income I'm making, I believe what's mine is his and vise versa. However, I also want to feel and know that I'm financially secure with the guy I marry, so our financial goals and views need to match. I also know that he has financial, physical, and emotional needs that I should be meeting. It's just that I think it should work both ways.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I already know when I'm done with everything, I'll be the bread winner....

Not to get all in your personal business/

Do you know this based on the man that you are currently dating and the maximum earning potential of his career?

/Not to get all in your personal business

I agree with much of the other things you said.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, when I'm done with school, I won't have any student loans to pay back. Plus, I'll be doing a non-traditional 4 year residency after I graduate which is coming up next year. I was just saying that if he's making what he's making now. But, great point, I guess I didn't look at it that way. He hasn't discussed that part with me yet.

Yeah, you don't want to be presumptuous because you don't really know and it has a certain tone to it. If I picked up on that tone then I'm positive many men would see that as a challenge to their manhood.