Non-greek lavaliering a greek girlfriend

[nongreek123]

Hey, I am not in the greek life but my girlfriend is and she has mentioned lavaliering. If I am not in a fraternity can I lavalier her? Is there any special rules or anything? I do not want to come off as an ass trying to do something that is special to the greek life.

[knight_shadow]

What would you lavalier her with?

[nongreek123]

idk what i would "lavalier" her with and no i have never seen the show greek. i just thought it might be a nice thing to do for her. im pretty sure she wants it to happen.

[33girl]

You can get her a promise ring or a promise necklace or a mizpah or something. Do the young people still do that today?

But if you aren't Greek and your girlfriend is specifically saying she wants to be lavaliered, you might have some relationship issues. 1) Women usually don't ask men to lavalier them unless they're real ballbreakers 2) She knows you have no letters to lavalier her with and it sounds like she's jealous of her sisters who are getting lavaliered by their Greek boyfriends. Which means in her eyes, you are coming up short, Charlie.

[Sphinxy]

I agree with 33girl in that a girl should never ask to be lavaliered. Its basically a pre-engagement so make sure that that is how you view it.

Otherwise, one of my sisters at a different school was recently lavaliered by her gdi boyfriend. He used our letters and had asked permission from the house to do so. Lavaliering is typically considered an only greek practice in that you can never give her your letters and show that she means as much to you as your letters do to you. Its very symbolic in that regard. And you also wont get all the ribbing that Greek guys have to go through after dropping a girl so its never going to be the same or hold the same meaning as a Greek dropping her.

I would just give her a nice promise ring on a chain if you wanted to give her something and then she can have a candle pass in her house which makes it more symbolic...

[WVU alpha phi]

Max? (how does he know about this if he's never seen Greek?)

I'd personally think it was lame if my non-Greek boyfriend lavaliered me. I can wear my letters anytime, wearing your boyfriend's letters that he gave to you (and all that goes with it) would be special.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

(how does he know about this if he's never seen Greek?)

Well, he said his girlfriend brought it up.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

Max? (how does he know about this if he's never seen Greek?)

He mentioned Greek because I mentioned it in my response and linked to the other thread about this topic. I can see how this could be confusing as my post was deleted.

Why my post was removed, I have no idea...

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

He mentioned Greek because I mentioned it in my response and linked to the other thread about this topic. I can see how this could be confusing as my post was deleted.

Why my post was removed, I have no idea...

Sorry about that. This topic was originally posted in the Kappa Alpha Theta forum. I originally deleted your post trying to keep it on topic but then I realized the whole thread really didnt have anything to do with Theta, so I deleted my own reply and just moved the thread here.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by Sphinxy

I agree with 33girl in that a girl should never ask to be lavaliered. Its basically a pre-engagement so make sure that that is how you view it.

Not necessarily. It varies greatly from one campus to another.


I think it's strange to ask to be lavaliered especially by a non-Greek. I would go with the promise ring that's been mentioned. Or here's an odd idea; make a lavalier out of your initials.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Though it could be argued that even for fraternity men the letters aren't theirs to give.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I agree, and that's one reason why lavaliering for boyfriends and girlfriends is such a strange thing to me. I don't understand fraternity men "giving" their letters to a woman or "giving" a woman her own letters.

We actually put it into a our Constitution four years ago that only brothers may wear our letters, but I know that many other fraternities do allow it for something like a lavalier. If the fraternity allows it, then I guess they are a brother's to give.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

My ex, who is in a fraternity, gave me my own letters after I got lavaliered by my big after about a year (as is chapter tradition) but with a gold one which is what I really wanted instead of the silver I got initially [cos that's what I deserved, yeah I said it].

Yeah, but did you have a ceremony within your chapter or was it just a question of him buying the lavalier for you as a present? There's a difference between buying someone a lavalier and lavaliering them. What you're talking about, your parents could have done just as well.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

We actually put it into a our Constitution four years ago that only brothers may wear our letters, but I know that many other fraternities do allow it for something like a lavalier. If the fraternity allows it, then I guess they are a brother's to give.

Can your brothers give their girlfriend a necklace with the fraternity jewel on it or something like that? That is, do you allow for anything else that can show a "promise" between a brother and his girlfriend?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Can your brothers give their girlfriend a necklace with the fraternity jewel on it or something like that? That is, do you allow for anything else that can show a "promise" between a brother and his girlfriend?

Good question. We don't have an official jewel, so that's not an option. The decision four years ago was the result of conversations that had been going on for a while and reflected the practice of most chapters. I know there was some discussion about a lavalier-substitute when the decision was formally made, and I can remember there were some suggestions, but so far the only thing we seem to offer officially is a sweetheart charm or necklace. (I think we actually told Herff Jones to stop offering lavaliers for us.)

I guess the sweetheart necklace would do in a pinch, but perhaps chapters are developing their own traditions here, or perhaps something official will still come out later.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

[QUOTE=33girl;1882861] Yeah, but did you have a ceremony within your chapter or was it just a question of him buying the lavalier for you as a present? There's a difference between buying someone a lavalier and lavaliering them. What you're talking about, your parents could have done just as well.


He was going to do the ceremony w/ the help of my big (who was an alum by this time) but he chickened out and just gave it to me. We're still good friends after having dated for a very long time, and if I had a chain to fit that tiny loop, I'd still be wearing the lavalier. And yes, you're right, it's about the same as just having it bought and given to me, but that's why I'm not against a non-Greek guy doing it as long as it's within the tradition of the chapter (my chapter your big is supposed to give it to you), but if at her's this is not the case then what does it matter who buys it, if they break up, it's her letters and I don't think I'd ever not wear a lettered item I liked regardless of where it came from so I don't see the harm as long as his intentions of what it means are clear.

[Titchou]

Perhaps it's a subtle way of suggesting he join a fraternity so that he can lavalier her?