Preparing for recruitment since birth

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Of course that happens (I said so in my first post), but I was just trying to make my point about how the "grooming" isn't typically blatant and outright in those cases because the PNM has grown up with said sorority all of her life.

Oh, I'm not arguing with you. I agree. Totally.

[DrPhil]

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18 and aren't a college student or alum, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

and it continues with decorating the child's room in organization colors/mascots, allowing the child to use the handsign in pics or doing the call in public, attending EVERY stepshow/conference/chapter meeting, threatening to not pay tuition if said child pledges something other than your org (or "brother/sister" org), joining the youth affiliate group and treating it like a little brother/sister club...

the list goes on.

i mean seriously. let the children have a mind (and affiliation) of their own. creating a legacy is awesome, but shouldnt be the rule.

[kateee]

Originally Posted by tld221

and it continues with decorating the child's room in organization colors/mascots, allowing the child to use the handsign in pics or doing the call in public, attending EVERY stepshow/conference/chapter meeting, threatening to not pay tuition if said child pledges something other than your org (or "brother/sister" org), joining the youth affiliate group and treating it like a little brother/sister club...

the list goes on.

i mean seriously. let the children have a mind (and affiliation) of their own. creating a legacy is awesome, but shouldnt be the rule.

I read these threads from start to finish haha. Sorry to bring up something so old.

I am at a college in the North East. I don't see much of this. A majority of the girls in GLO's on my campus never really gave much thought to going greek before entering college. Reading this is weird to me, and this was over the top. Wow. I would probably have never made it through recruitment in the south.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by kateee

I read these threads from start to finish haha. Sorry to bring up something so old.

I am at a college in the North East. I don't see much of this. A majority of the girls in GLO's on my campus never really gave much thought to going greek before entering college. Reading this is weird to me, and this was over the top. Wow. I would probably have never made it through recruitment in the south.

She's describing BGLO groups, btw. (NPCs don't have brother/sister orgs, traditionally do stepshows, have calls, etc.) You'd have been fine in the South. Being a legacy with a super obsessed mother is a different story.

[naraht]

(Looking at myself on this thread)
My wife and I met through our co-ed service fraternity and I'm still active on National Committees. Our oldest child has been to a number of area conferences and actually has t-shirts from some of the conferences.

On the bright side in this regard, Alpha Phi Omega has *no* official concept of Legacy. While I was an undergraduate, we did have a male brother whose sister pledged while I was there, but the fact that she was his sister wasn't as important as the fact that she had already completed half of the requirements (service hours, attending meeetings etc) before she officially became a student.

[UGAgirl93]

Oh my gosh, this topic crosses my mind all the time. There are so many ways many southern girls are prepped for recruitment from birth (and probably some northerners, too, but I'm from the deep south so I can't speak from experience). It seems to me that it's usually the wealthier families. The parents send their girls to private schools or the best public schools. They learn their manners and slowly pick up that southern charm and winning accent. In middle school they go to cotillion to learn all sorts of etiquette and how to do old-fashioned dances and how to interact with others. In high school, they move on to guild, where they participate in community service and "theme" dances and the ever so fabulous Christmas formal. They learn to drive, they get a car and they get out and socialize, they're encouraged to join clubs and be leaders. They're always well dressed, and even on days when they come to school in Nike shorts, they're makeup is done perfectly. By graduation they have a million friends who have moms who will gladly write them rec letters. They've accumulated tons of gorgeous pictures from prom, guild, senior shoots, etc. that show off their beauty and taste. They receive a very large influx of graduation money to spend on rush jewelry, dresses, and shoes. They've perfected the art of hair and makeup. They know how to walk, and speak. The resources and know-how just sort of build over their lifespan. By the time recruitment arrives it should be a breeze, especially if they go to a school where past HS graduates joined sororities. The ONLY thing I've ever seen hinder one of these types girls is grades, and even that is pretty rare because they're usually held to a high standard grade-wise.

It's pretty interesting to me.

P.S. I hope no one takes this in a negative way. These are girls I admire!

[AXiDMeesh]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18 and aren't a college student or alum, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

I wish you had told my mother and aunt all this.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by carnation

With release figures being the way they are now, though, it's not a given that the 'right' bid will follow. There are so so many Mary Sues out there plus a lot of other girls whom the sororities are interested in because of their great grades and strong activities and you just can't count on getting a bid from certain groups anymore.

Practically every year, especially since RFM came to be, I hear Greek Life say they received phone calls from angry/distraught moms whose daughter's life is ruined because ABC dropped them and something must be done to fix this! I've gotten similar calls from alumnae myself.

Originally Posted by Titchou

You know, it is just so blamed difficult to explain all this to a non-southerner since we grew up with it. Some things you just "know"...and I don't mean to sound snobby here...it's just reality. Southerners are just more "connected" I think...

As a Midwestern transplant, I've had to learn this and it's not been easy. After so many years I understand and have come to accept it mentally, but emotionally it's hard. It is just so different from how I grew up and my personal experiences.

Perhaps those who are not from the South can grasp it like this. IMO it is similar to some of the Ivy League grads' mindset. Your family is filled with grads from Ivy U so you expect your child to go to Ivy U. You associate with, business network with, socialize with other Ivy U grads. You are able to join certain clubs/orgs due to your connections. Doors are opened all because of where you graduated from, not who you are as a person. You know the exact social status and business/economic rankings all other Ivy League schools and their grads.

You send your kid to the right pre-school, grade school, jr high, HS, camp, etc. You make sure they are involved in the right extra curricular activities. Maybe even hire tutors to get their GPA, SAT/ACT up to snuff. You do everything with the intention of building their resume/application in order to be accepted to Ivy U. (Of course assuming you don't have a gazillion dollars to donate to the school. )

If your kid doesn't get in or simply doesn't want to go there? Well their life will be ruined, won't it? They won't get the right job, live in the right area, belong to the right clubs/orgs, marry the right person, ...

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Practically every year, especially since RFM came to be, I hear Greek Life say they received phone calls from angry/distraught moms whose daughter's life is ruined because ABC dropped them and something must be done to fix this! I've gotten similar calls from alumnae myself.


As a Midwestern transplant, I've had to learn this and it's not been easy. After so many years I understand and have come to accept it mentally, but emotionally it's hard. It is just so different from how I grew up and my personal experiences.

Perhaps those who are not from the South can grasp it like this. IMO it is similar to some of the Ivy League grads' mindset. Your family is filled with grads from Ivy U so you expect your child to go to Ivy U. You associate with, business network with, socialize with other Ivy U grads. You are able to join certain clubs/orgs due to your connections. Doors are opened all because of where you graduated from, not who you are as a person. You know the exact social status and business/economic rankings all other Ivy League schools and their grads.

You send your kid to the right pre-school, grade school, jr high, HS, camp, etc. You make sure they are involved in the right extra curricular activities. Maybe even hire tutors to get their GPA, SAT/ACT up to snuff. You do everything with the intention of building their resume/application in order to be accepted to Ivy U. (Of course assuming you don't have a gazillion dollars to donate to the school. )

If your kid doesn't get in or simply doesn't want to go there? Well their life will be ruined, won't it? They won't get the right job, live in the right area, belong to the right clubs/orgs, marry the right person, ...

And I think it is important to realize that this is a very SMALL group in the South. This represents the social elite, while the rest of us in the South go about happily accepting our place in whatever group we feel comfortable joining, marrying the man we want regardless of what family he may be from and being happy and successful on our own merit instead of on our husband's merit. In a lot of ways, this is trumped up and does not reflect the thought process of most of the South. Like Zillini pointed out, there are social elite in the North, too. We watch them on TV in shows on MTV, but it doesn't define the entire North.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

And I think it is important to realize that this is a very SMALL group in the South. This represents the social elite, while the rest of us in the South go about happily accepting our place in whatever group we feel comfortable joining, marrying the man we want regardless of what family he may be from and being happy and successful on our own merit instead of on our husband's merit. In a lot of ways, this is trumped up and does not reflect the thought process of most of the South.

Agreed. It is a stereotype. With every stereotype there is a basis in fact, yet it is not an accurate reflection of everyone.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

And I think it is important to realize that this is a very SMALL group in the South. This represents the social elite, while the rest of us in the South go about happily accepting our place in whatever group we feel comfortable joining, marrying the man we want regardless of what family he may be from and being happy and successful on our own merit instead of on our husband's merit. In a lot of ways, this is trumped up and does not reflect the thought process of most of the South. Like Zillini pointed out, there are social elite in the North, too. We watch them on TV in shows on MTV, but it doesn't define the entire North.

time out! "social elite" and "MTV" hardly belong in the same sentence!

[WVU alpha phi]

This thread is fascinating to me.

[catfan]

My freshman year at an SEC school, my roomie pledged and I didn't even rush. I asked her, as she went through all the rush drama, if it was that important to be in a sorority. She replied it wasn't important to be in a sorority, was important to be in the "right" sorority.
Guess what? She was from the Chicago area. I guess it's not limited to the south. And BTW, she pledged what was considered a top house.

[kchaptergphib]

Such a great thread!

Originally Posted by catfan

My freshman year at an SEC school, my roomie pledged and I didn't even rush. I asked her, as she went through all the rush drama, if it was that important to be in a sorority. She replied it wasn't important to be in a sorority, was important to be in the "right" sorority.
Guess what? She was from the Chicago area. I guess it's not limited to the south. And BTW, she pledged what was considered a top house.

And from that, I bet I can narrow down what suburb(s) she's from. That SCREAMS North Shore. Yes, we have a few Good Ol' Family folks in the midwest, too.
But, for whatever reason, my hunch would be that she attended the right high school, and was from the right neighborhood, but wanted to join the "right" sorority because she's a [social] Climber. That thinking that she needed to join the "right" sorority just sounds kind of insecure to me.