Older Perp

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by carnation

A member checked and D is definitely not a DEF. I doubt she ever was; she's too status-conscious to terminate and she wouldn't have done anything to get kicked out--you'd have to know her.

Here's something ironic that popped up this week. She has a chance to be AIed into another group that she has ties to. Haha! I'm sure she's dying to but then she'd have to figure a way to gloss over her earlier story to the women around here. ("Did I say I was a DEF? Oh, what was I thinking, I'm an ABC!")

carnation, is it possible that she pledged DEF, but did not actually initiate? Maybe that's why she partly thinks of herself as a DEF.

I don't know the situation nor all of the details, but looking at the posts that everyone has made so far & the information provided, there's been a lot of assumptions being made about how things appear. I also wonder if these other women who claim that D said that she was a DEF got the details confused? It's entirely possible - sometimes the recall of others is not 100% accurate.

If you want this woman to come clean, she will likely need to feel safe before she will speak her truth.

Just my $0.02.

PS You could also play dumb and ask her, "Do you think that you will AI into ABC? To do so, you cannot have initiated into any other NPC group. Did you initiate into any other NPC group during college?" and then see what she says. If she says no, ask her if she ever had any ties to DEF? And then see what she says. My point is, if you ask her anything where she might get defensive, you might not get the straight up answer.

good luck and let us know what happens, as I'm curious now - LOL.

[APhiAnna]

Maybe she terminated her membership? I know two people (a friend's mother and a former sister of mine) who still say they are XYZs although they resigned their membership during college. They do not seem to understand that technically they are not in their sororities anymore. They seem to equate initiation with full membership.

But it sounds like you know her well enough to know she is making it up. I would definitely go the passive aggressive route...I like the suggestion of telling her that she has been hearing the funniest thing...that people have been saying she is an XYZ. That will probably send the message strongly but without being rude.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Lane swerving a bit, but I had a question. I remember looking at one of the rec forms a while back. Don't they have a space for a membership ID or some type of membership verification? Wouldn't the chapter(s) that receive the recs be able to verify whether or not D is a member?

Our reference (rec) forms ask for the collegiate chapter and initiation date of the alumna submitting it. So you really can't submit a rec without having those things.

Originally Posted by carnation

Here's something ironic that popped up this week. She has a chance to be AIed into another group that she has ties to. Haha! I'm sure she's dying to but then she'd have to figure a way to gloss over her earlier story to the women around here. ("Did I say I was a DEF? Oh, what was I thinking, I'm an ABC!")

Wow.

[carnation]

DEF rec forms can only be gotten off their website's sister side, like ours, so she doesn't have a snowball's chance in H of writing a fake rec. I mean, who's going to print one off for her? I still think she could do quite a bit of damage, unintentionally, by offering to write a rec and then not following through; people do get desperate for recs during the summer. She probably doesn't know how damaging it could be for a PNM to take off for Auburn or Georgia thinking they have their DEF rec taken care of and it's not.

I'd love to take honeychile's suggestion about giving her a DEF gift but I'll probably have to go the passive aggressive route, as suggested by APhiAnna, or the one suggested by CutiePie2000 so as to save face for her and keep family peace. Ironically, she would make a great AI and probably throw herself into it 100%. But dang! Why is she embarrassing us all like this?

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by carnation

...... I'll probably have to go the passive aggressive route, as suggested by APhiAnna, or the one suggested by CutiePie2000 so as to save face for her and keep family peace. Ironically, she would make a great AI and probably throw herself into it 100%. But dang! Why is she embarrassing us all like this?

Hi Carnation,
Who knows why people do the things that they do(??), but as she is a family member or an extended family-relative (etc.), it's probably best to deal with it delicately.

In some ways, if she AI'd and would be an active alumna who would support the collegiate chapter, then encourage her to do so and go that route. As for what happened in the past, give her an opportunity to explain herself, but if the explanation doesn't happen, maybe just let it go and encourage her to AI into ABC.

Let us know how it all turns out.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

.
PS You could also play dumb and ask her, "Do you think that you will AI into ABC? To do so, you cannot have initiated into any other NPC group. Did you initiate into any other NPC group during college?" and then see what she says. If she says no, ask her if she ever had any ties to DEF? And then see what she says. My point is, if you ask her anything where she might get defensive, you might not get the straight up answer.

good luck and let us know what happens, as I'm curious now - LOL.

this sounds like the best solution by far. how ironic and sad that she may miss an opportunity to enjoy sisterhood in a wonderful sorority, all because she is posing as a DEF.

[CutiePie2000]

I'm curious to know how this all turned out. Any updates, carnation?

[carnation]

Much later update. Screaming into my pillow here--

because my high school daughter said, "I know where I can get a DEF recommendation! D says she was a DEF!"

Aaaaaaaaacckkk! Aaaaaack!

[AnchorAlumna]

Sounds like it's time for a throwdown!
Good luck!

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by carnation

Much later update. Screaming into my pillow here--

because my high school daughter said, "I know where I can get a DEF recommendation! D says she was a DEF!"

Aaaaaaaaacckkk! Aaaaaack!

THE CONFRONTATION APPROACHES!! I can't wait to hear this play out!