Older Perp
 

A relative, D, told me many years ago that she wasn't Greek at her university, that she hadn't been interested. Both her daughters pledged ABC years later.

A couple of years ago, a neighbor told me that she'd heard that D was a member of DEF. I said no, she was never Greek, and this woman looked at me weirdly and said that several people had been told this. This weekend, another woman came up and said that her daughter had pledged DEF just like D had! I told her that D was never Greek and she told me that D had plainly told her a few months before that she was a DEF. She said, "Okay, no harm meant!" and took off.

This is getting really strange. I don't know why D is reinventing her college years and it's difficult when people say something about her sorority membership. Of course, I'd like to say, "Okay, you've been telling people that you went DEF and we both know you didn't and if you start trying to write recs, I'm calling the national group." (I can see her getting into a situation where she might be asked to write recs, as that group is popular around here.)

How would you guys handle it? I need to be diplomatic.

Lane swerving a bit, but I had a question. I remember looking at one of the rec forms a while back. Don't they have a space for a membership ID or some type of membership verification? Wouldn't the chapter(s) that receive the recs be able to verify whether or not D is a member?

What I think that she would do is to say that she would write a rec and not do it, thereby leaving a girl thinking that she had her DEF rec nailed down but she wouldn't.

^^Yeah, I could see someone in that situation making excuses so they don't have to write the rec and expose themselves as a perp.

I think the best way to go about it would be to confront her in a positive way like "Oh, D, Mrs. Smith told me you became a DEF, did you initiate after Snookie joined?" Of course she could lie about that too, but its a better way to approach it than "Listen ho, stop playin'!"

My oldest son votes for "Listen ho, stop playin," but my fear is that she'll offer to write recs for unsuspecting PNMs and then , of course, not do it because she can't. Actually, my kids have come up with a ton of hilarious things we could say to her, none of which we could really say. LOL, they're awful.

I do believe this will be my next siggy lol

To carnation: Another question (forgive my NPC ignorance) - I also remember reading on here that city Panhellenic associations help coordinate recs for interested women. If Susie PNM knows D and asks her for a rec, can she submit one, or is there some sort of protocol that requires her to go through the city's Panhellenic?

That's a tough one, Carnation. I would approach it indirectly, and say something like, "You know, I've been hearing the funniest thing! -- a number of people are under the impression that you're a DEF" (at which point, she'll probably deny it.) Then you could add, "I would hate for a PNM to approach you thinking that she can count on you for a rec. That might ruin her rush." At least it would give her something to think about.

Ultimately, you're not responsible for her behavior. But you can be honest with others if they ask: "As far as I know, she never joined DEF at State U."

It's truly an unfortunate situation.

Individual alums can almost always submit recs, although in some cities they're vetted by the City PH. Around here--and in most places--there's not a city PH, we just send them directly to the chapters. I don't think there's any way that she can fake one and send it in but she can sure lie about sending one. Since that sorority is so common around here, she could possibly screw up someone's rush experience if they thought they were covered for that group but weren't.

Blue Skies, that sounds diplomatic, maybe I could try that.

I think I'd try the reverse with her - Auntie D, I could swear that you told me a long time ago that you weren't Greek in college but Susie says you are a DEF! And then see what she says...

Is DEF a sorority that any of your daughters has joined? If so, maybe have her ask D if she went through AI since she had heard that she was a member of her sorority. If she says no, she can then ask why people are mistakenly thinking D is a member of DEF. If not, you could ask her the same way. Maybe she did AI DEF, and she just didn't tell you ( unless, of course, it's not a group that does that sort of thing, but she may not know that ;) )

I vote for a mixture of "listen ho, stop playin" and conversing with her about the seriousness of what she's doing.

I vote for the former because I think lying about memberships, accomplishments, and credentials makes a person lame as hell. I vote for the latter because she needs to know that she's not only making herself look like a loser, she's potentially impacting other young ladies' outcomes.

or, ask your network (a member of DEF) to look up her name in their directory. I know that isn't 100% gospel, but ma;ybe it might answer a question.