Paying for sex - is this more common than I thought?

cheerfulgreek · #1 11-04-2009, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

If you say he is your "Mr. Right"--the rule generally is, don't ask questions unless your are mentally prepared for the answer... Now you may have been joking, but he honestly told you the truth. The follow up is would he pay for sex with any woman, threesome or not again? Is it the fact he had a sexually explicit kind of interaction, i.e. threesome that bothers you? Or is it the fact that he paid for it?

My question to you is can such a intimate act be purchased for money? What are your values on this concept?

What makes me have that question is in a serious relationship, often leading to marriage, it is unwise to get into, "acts" and "rewards" activities--if you do "A" or if you're nice to me, or if you lose weight, or if you do this for me; then I will do... SOMETIMES it can get into a domestically violent situation. Do you want a hint of that or do you want to push it to the limits?

What are your values? How does he honor them, then? These can't be spoken just by words--actions speak louder than words.

Men paying for sex workers is a problem globally. Those are the facts. It is the PAYING not just the act. The issue is what values. What, he can't keep his penis in his pants enough wait for sex that he appreciates?

The fact that you are posting this on a Greek Lettered Organization board under "dating and relationships" suggests that this one fact does concern you. Relevancy to GLO's??? It's all good, because many of us are health care professionals, too.

I was going to cut and say "THIS" to what I bolded, but this WHOLE post is really, really good. I couldn't agree more.

I swear, if I was dating a guy who told me he paid for sex at ANY time in his life, I would be SO outta there. That's disgusting! Seriously. But I still would have a lot of respect for him for being honest with me.

AKA_Monet · #2 11-04-2009, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I was going to cut and say "THIS" to what I bolded, but this WHOLE post is really, really good. I couldn't agree more.

I swear, if I was dating a guy who told me he paid for sex at ANY time in his life, I would be SO outta there. That's disgusting! Seriously. But I still would have a lot of respect for him for being honest with me.

Thanks.

Let's be honest: I am not going to Al Anon meeting for sex abuse and say "Hi, my name is AKA_Monet and I am intolerant of bullshit!" Sure chick asked, dude answered honestly. Sure he prolly is going to be judged on things that happened 15 years ago. But seriously, I am one to say "a leopard never changes its spots" and really, not my problem. I see it as a character flaw--not as a whoops, I got a speeding ticket-kinna thing. But that's me.

Everyone has a past history and some things are important. Talking about people's past is discretionary. And the OP's post said that dude stated that "a lot of 20 year olds do this"-and the tone I read was a "matter of fact-ly"...

NO! Not a lot of 20-something year olds buy sex with prostitutes! That is bullshit! There are studies that show that men who buy sex from prostitutes often have psychotic tendencies similar to a rapist, and often have a personality disorder. Just ask RAINN.org.

cheerfulgreek · #3 11-04-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Thanks.

Let's be honest: I am not going to Al Anon meeting for sex abuse and say "Hi, my name is AKA_Monet and I am intolerant of bullshit!" Sure chick asked, dude answered honestly. Sure he prolly is going to be judged on things that happened 15 years ago. But seriously, I am "a leopard never changes its spots" and really, notone to say my problem. I see it as a character flaw--not as a whoops, I got a speeding ticket-kinna thing. But that's me.

Everyone has a past history and some things are important. Talking about people's past is discretionary. And the OP's post said that dude stated that "a lot of 20 year olds do this"-and the tone I read was a "matter of fact-ly"...

NO! Not a lot of 20-something year olds buy sex with prostitutes! That is bullshit! There are studies that show that men who buy sex from prostitutes often have psychotic tendencies similar to a rapist, and often have a personality disorder. Just ask RAINN.org.

Yep. I mean, what's wrong with being upfront? I just think it's based on what I can deal with and what I can't, and I personally don't call that judging. I believe people can change their lives and completely turn it around, but what that guy did is too much. At least it would be for me. Prostitutes? That's so gross. There's no way. I'm with you all the way, AKA_Monet. It's only fair to both people to be upfront and honest with each other.

AKA_Monet · #4 11-04-2009, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Yep. I mean, what's wrong with being upfront? I just think it's based on what I can deal with and what I can't, and I personally don't call that judging. I believe people can change their lives and completely turn it around, but what that guy did is too much. At least it would be for me. Prostitutes? That's so gross. There's no way. I'm with you all the way, AKA_Monet. It's only fair to both people to be upfront and honest with each other.

So asking a question, even in jest, about such a thing means one must be ready for the answer... People's who are not married that is private business. If this was the man I were to marry and he freely told me such a thing like that after I asked... Well, that would be my dealbreaker. I just being honest. Too bad for him that I distrusted his honesty because I can't handle his answer. Oh well, life moves on... That's my opinion & he can find someone else to tolerate the bull.

cheerfulgreek · #5 11-04-2009, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So asking a question, even in jest, about such a thing means one must be ready for the answer... People's who are not married that is private business. If this was the man I were to marry and he freely told me such a thing like that after I asked... Well, that would be my dealbreaker. I just being honest. Too bad for him that I distrusted his honesty because I can't handle his answer. Oh well, life moves on... That's my opinion & he can find someone else to tolerate the bull.

Yep. Yes, it's private business, it's just that if it gets beyond the friendship thing, I only think it's fair to be honest about everything. Ya know what I mean?

lol and I agree with your opinion.

AKA_Monet · #6 11-04-2009, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Yep. Yes, it's private business, it's just that if it gets beyond the friendship thing, I only think it's fair to be honest about everything. Ya know what I mean?

lol and I agree with your opinion.

So dude was being honest. Brutally so. And the OP is ambivalent about the answer. If anything s/he needs to be honest with him/herself. Where did the fairness go?

cheerfulgreek · #7 11-04-2009, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So dude was being honest. Brutally so. And the OP is ambivalent about the answer. If anything s/he needs to be honest with him/herself. Where did the fairness go?

Yep. And if she's not being fair to herself and/or she feels uncertain about it, then I think she should just break up with him.