Asking daddy's permission before proposing

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

In my day, it was about asking permission.

Aren't you and I about the same age?

Even so, my relationship with my father at that point in my life was awful. As I said, he "owned" me until I went away to college. He was very controlling of everything and I had intense dislike for him at the time that my first husband proposed to me. I don't think my dad even met my second husband until after we had discussed marriage and looked at rings.

And under these kind of circumstances, I can see exactly why you feel the way you do about it.

I think that life stage, the closeness of the relationships and the personal beliefs of the individuals involved are all important factors in deciding whether or not this would be the right thing to do.

Exactly. That's why, for me, the issue was what my (now) wife wanted, not what her father or I wanted.

For me, personally, I think I would be upset if anybody else knew that he was proposing before I knew. It's such a deeply personal and important decision. What if a man talked to your father and proposed in front of your family and you didn't want to marry him? That seems like it would be incredibly awkward. And, I really enjoyed being the person to tell my mom. It would have been weird to call her and say "I'm engaged!" and have her say "I know". I dunno, it just doesn't fit with who I am.

There are different ways of doing it. What I am used to is the couple deciding to get married and then asking the father/parents.

I proposed to my wife first. The next day, while we were at her parents house for Easter dinner, I waited until everyone had moved to the dining room except wife, her dad and me, and I asked him for her hand. (Yep, actually asked for her hand.) She was standing next to me, beaming (yeah, go figure ), so it was clear that we were getting married and I was really asking for his blessing. But it mattered to my wife that we not just tell him we were getting married but that I ask him.