Asking daddy's permission before proposing - Page 3

agzg · #1 10-23-2009, 10:53 AM

My dad would be more concerned that we didn't get married in a church by a pastor than whether or not live-in asked his permission.

As it is, I would like live-in to warn dad a little bit. Asking for permission or blessing, though, no.

DrPhil · #2 10-23-2009, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

As it is, I would like live-in to warn dad a little bit.

Warn?

Do you mean, give a heads up?

agzg · #3 10-23-2009, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Warn?

Do you mean, give a heads up?

LOL yes - something like "Hey - I was hoping to propose to agzg sometime in the next few months. Just a heads up not to have a heart attack when she calls you and tells you."

My dad doesn't deal with surprises well.

The only problem with that is that my dad has a big mouth - so everyone in my hometown basically and probably others will know before I do.

Smile_Awhile · #4 10-23-2009, 01:42 PM

I would hope that my future husband would ask for my father's blessing. I'd rather not have him ask for his permission- I am my own woman. However, I was raised thinking that the right thing is to have their blessing before he asks for my hand. If I had a strained relationship with my parents, I would understand not desiring that- but I have a great relationship with them.

Funny story: When my father asked my grandfather for his blessing, my grandfather's immediate reaction was "How much land do you own?" My grandparents are farmers, so it makes sense in context- he has always said "Land is forever, and it's limited."

katiedelta3 · #5 10-23-2009, 03:22 PM

My husband asked for my parents' blessing before he proposed. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, I am very close to my parents and wouldn't have wanted anything to hurt them. He wasn't asking for permission to own me, just that he would happily recognize, bless, and support our marriage. I can understand other circumstances, but in my situation, it was right to ask for blessing.

tld221 · #6 10-23-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

However, I'm from the North. And I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. And I'm a bra burner.

this may make it to the siggy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kappamd

IT'S NOT ABOUT ASKING FOR PERMISSION!

Did anyone see the Everybody Loves Raymond where Robert asks Amy's parents for permission, and they say no?

What do you do? Get married anyway and potentially damage a relationship between the woman and her family? If a woman was so bent on her family's blesing and didnt have it, does she break up with the man?

agzg · #7 10-23-2009, 03:48 PM

I guess this is becoming a "well I'm close with my family so I think it's important" type of deal so I want to clarify - I am very close with my family. Freakishly so.

I still don't want live-in to ask my dad's permission OR blessing. It's not necessarily a "well if you're close you'll want this" type of thing.

Also, I'm not saying guys shouldn't ask. I'm saying it's not what I want. Just in case people think I'm heated.

Low C Sharp · #8 10-23-2009, 04:11 PM

I'm an independent, educated, professional woman in my thirties, but I do feel that I am still under the protection of my parents' household, and that creating a new household with a husband would change that dynamic somewhat. I can't see it happening with my current bf (he's very modern), but if my future fiance were to talk to my parents before he proposed, and assure them that he would protect my happiness in the future...I would be incredibly touched. It would make me certain that I was with the right guy.
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Cheap Condo Pattaya

VandalSquirrel · #9 10-25-2009, 12:44 PM

My father is dead so it would be a problem to ask him. I do have a stepfather but he'd laugh at any guy who did that and it would be a clear sign he isn't the guy for me if he thinks that is what I want or how my family operates. I had one boyfriend who said he'd ask my father and it made my dad dislike the guy because I wasn't raised that way. It was somewhat valid as a heads up when my father had my inherited engagement ring but I have it now so when the future husband and I decide as a couple to get married (no surprise proposal) I'll put the ring on and we'll call our families.

I'm to the point I won't change my last name, so a lot of this stuff doesn't apply to me. Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

KSUViolet06 · #10 10-25-2009, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

But Vandal, if you give yourself your own ring, how do you win at life?

christiangirl · #11 10-25-2009, 06:08 PM

^^^Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

You know, that actually sounds like an awesome idea. It eliminates shopping, pricing, and all those other things I don't like doing (and I'm sure a guy wouldn't like doing either).

VandalSquirrel · #12 10-25-2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But Vandal, if you give yourself your own ring, how do you win at life?

Because if I call it off, I still get to keep the ring no matter what! That really is full of win.

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

^^^Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, that actually sounds like an awesome idea. It eliminates shopping, pricing, and all those other things I don't like doing (and I'm sure a guy wouldn't like doing either).

It worked out well since I got my grandmother's ring and my sister got our great great aunt's ring (sister was already married so nanny nanny boo boo that she didn't wear it for any of her three marriages). It also means the man I marry can perhaps take money that may have been spent on a ring and put it towards a house if I don't own one already, or to renovating the home to be green or have a better bathroom.

The guy and I talked today, and we're only looking forward for about six or so months, but the older I get the less I want a big wedding and I pretty much just want our immediate family and best friend to hop on a plane and get hitched in Tuscany or Bora Bora. I planned a big wedding for a marriage that didn't happen, and it really isn't a priority for me anymore. I want a house a great husband, and a couple kids (the house or husband can come in either order, the kids are coming last). He's also not opposed to letting the kiddos have my last name since it is going extinct and he has a brother to carry on his.

Low C Sharp · #13 10-27-2009, 12:15 PM

Amen! 10 years of watching all my friends' and sisters' drama and expense have turned me into a city hall type of girl. The wedding-industrial complex has morphed into something so ugly and un-romantic. I see a lot of showing off and attention-seeking combined with a focus on the wedding at the expense of the marriage. Give me a pretty white dress, a flower for my hair, and a delicious cake to enjoy with our parents. That would be all the celebration I'd need.
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Peak Towers Condo Pattaya

AGDee · #14 10-27-2009, 12:56 PM

My daughter attended her first two weddings this summer/fall. After the second one, she said "Would you be mad if I just go to Vegas when I want to get married?" and I said "Not at all!" Then she said "Good, because I don't think I could handle being the center of attention like that." One less thing to save for.. more money in my retirement account. I'm good with that. I did tell her that I would like to be there and she agreed that was a given.

APhi Sailorgirl · #15 10-27-2009, 04:43 PM

I can see both sides of the argument, but I think the fact is, you should do what makes you comfortable.

DH was well aware of my strong relationship with both my parents and knew I wanted him to "ask" for permission. I would have been more upset if he hadn't. My dad of course was thrilled and loves DH like a son. My mom was more upset b/c dad kept it from her until the weekend DH proposed b/c he felt mom would spill the beans.