The Single's Bucket List

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yeah, my mother does this with "the gals" from time to time. So cute!

The Weekly or Monthly (it depends) Marriage Commandments:

Couples shalt do childless dates.

Couples shalt do childless gatherings with other couples.

Couples shalt do childless and spouseless gatherings with childless and spouseless friends.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The Weekly or Monthly (it depends) Marriage Commandments:

Couples shalt do childless dates.

Couples shalt do childless gatherings with other couples.

Couples shalt do childless and spouseless gatherings with childless and spouseless friends.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Amen and Amen.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The Weekly or Monthly (it depends) Marriage Commandments:

Couples shalt do childless dates.

Couples shalt do childless gatherings with other couples.

Couples shalt do childless and spouseless gatherings with childless and spouseless friends.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Let the church say amen.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Maybe I'm a bit capricious, but if I want to do something, I usually just do it - whether that's skydiving, bar rats, travel, cardio kickboxing or eating an entire cheese pizza, just for me.

HA! "keep the change, ya filthy animal"

That's it. I don't have really anything else to add.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AlphaXi_Husky

HA! "keep the change, ya filthy animal"

"Get down on your knees and tell me you love me."

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I'm counting the days for you! Good luck!

But just to play devil's advocate, is this really a bucket list of what to do before kids? Is this something you wish you'd done before you had kids or is this dealing with what came along after you had kids?

Only time will tell if that dream will ever become a reality! I've left it in God's hands. If he's truly my soulmate and we're meant to be together, we will be, eventually.

No, it's not a bucket list of things to do before kids. It's just an example of how being a parent can limit you. That definitely came along after I had kids and was divorced.

I did not finish grad school the first time around because I got pregnant though. I did want to get my Masters in Clinical Psychology before kids but didn't because I was simply not capable of working full time, maintaining a household, caring for an infant AND going to grad school. But then, had my ex-husband been more supportive/capable at the time, I may have been able to pull it off. Since I no longer work in that field, I think, ultimately, things work out the way they're supposed to. At the time though, I was pretty upset at the realization that the Masters wasn't going to happen.

But, ultimately, I think you're right. It's not marriage or parenthood specifically that limits you... although who you choose to marry can limit you a lot... and if it does, then you probably married the wrong person! Partners should be able to encourage and support each other in following their dreams, not be a limiting factor. And, I think, family support is a big determining factor in how limited you are as a parent. I have friends who've been able to travel sans kids because the grandparents are able to take the kids for a week here and there. Others don't have that luxury.

Parenthood involves a lot of sacrifices. But, since they are done out of the most intense love you'll ever feel, it doesn't feel bad to make those sacrifices.

[agzg]

I wouldn't call it a bucket list but I did have certain expectations of what I wanted myself to achieve before settling into a long-term relationship. The only thing I didn't have done before moving in with live-in was starting my career, but now that that seems to be starting I guess that's getting towards done too.

Notice I'm not saying "before marriage" because as much as I believe in and support the institution of marriage you can have a relationship that's just as healthy, committed and stable without. Not that I'm saying "I'll never get married" because I probably will, but it's important to remember that often times when you move in with someone, married or not, you're only qualified as a "single" on your taxes.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I did not finish grad school the first time around because I got pregnant though. I did want to get my Masters in Clinical Psychology before kids but didn't because I was simply not capable of working full time, maintaining a household, caring for an infant AND going to grad school. But then, had my ex-husband been more supportive/capable at the time, I may have been able to pull it off. Since I no longer work in that field, I think, ultimately, things work out the way they're supposed to. At the time though, I was pretty upset at the realization that the Masters wasn't going to happen.

This would be why I wanted to finish the degree first. As it was, the writing process caused some difficulty in many of my relationships, romantic and otherwise.

Not that I would expect that the man that I would marry would not be supportive of me, but I just wanted to have the time to focus completely and selfishly on finishing, so that I wouldn't still be in my program after 7 or 8 years.

Someone else mentioned having her own place. That wasn't so big for me, (though I have done it) but I really strongly urged one of my friends to live by herself before she got married. I really thought that she needed that experience. I am happy that she was able to do that.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Only time will tell if that dream will ever become a reality! I've left it in God's hands. If he's truly my soulmate and we're meant to be together, we will be, eventually. . . .

I meant to respond to this earlier. I agree pretty much with all you said, and I'm pulling for you!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The Weekly or Monthly (it depends) Marriage Commandments:

Couples shalt do childless dates.

Couples shalt do childless gatherings with other couples.

Couples shalt do childless and spouseless gatherings with childless and spouseless friends.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

My parents and both sets of grandparents have over 150 years of marriage between them; they definitely followed these rules.


Yeah, I have a co-worker whose life revolves around her baby daughter. She has never spent a night away from the little girl and will admit that another kid won't happen for obvious reasons (if you know what I mean). People have to make the relationship a priority even when the kid is born and awesome. It's a little sad, but that's the way she likes to roll now.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yeah, I have a co-worker whose life revolves around her baby daughter. She has never spent a night away from the little girl and will admit that another kid won't happen for obvious reasons (if you know what I mean). People have to make the relationship a priority even when the kid is born and awesome. It's a little sad, but that's the way she likes to roll now.

That's unfortunate.

My grandma has always told me that you should never stop "dating your spouse." Meaning that you shouldn't ever become just "mom and dad" and forget that you're husband and wife first.

Something I think people fail to consider is that some day, the kids will move out. Then what will your life revolve around?

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

That's unfortunate.

My grandma has always told me that you should never stop "dating your spouse." Meaning that you shouldn't ever become just "mom and dad" and forget that you're husband and wife first.

Something I think people fail to consider is that some day, the kids will move out. Then what will your life revolve around?

Can we put that on a poster or cards for people who have kids? Seriously...it's only a benefit to the kids if the parents are still crazy for one another.

I agree with everything that's been said...marriage isn't limiting, to me it's almost freeing, because (hypothetically) you have someone who will support your crazy bucket list type ideas.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Can we put that on a poster or cards for people who have kids? Seriously...it's only a benefit to the kids if the parents are still crazy for one another.

I agree with everything that's been said...marriage isn't limiting, to me it's almost freeing, because (hypothetically) you have someone who will support your crazy bucket list type ideas.

Agree re: spousal support. Say I become a world famous arctic archaeologist and only go on digs in the summer, it is great to have someone at home who can handle day to day stuff while I play Indiana Jones. I also believe in some quid pro quo, that if my spouse and his best friend have a goal of climbing certain peaks in North America, that they can go off and do that and in return I can take off with my best friend or sister for the Sock Knitting Summit or because I want to go to Dollywood for Dolly's birthday. I see it as allowing your spouse to be a whole person, even when it doesn't include you.

[christiangirl]

I'm not saying that marriage is limiting for anyone. I know that I could make time for anything if I wanted and the spouse can/should support me in it. I'm saying that "single time" is the perfect time to do the things one has always wanted because (theoretically) you only have yourself to spend your time and money on. You only have to work with your school/work schedule, not yours plus someone else's. It's your money, not "the household's." So, if you had no attachments like that, no having to find someone to watch the kids, no wondering if you should spend the money when the family needs this or that, what would you go for? This is supposed to be a fun, "What would I do/accomplish if I could" thread. The marrieds can definitely throw in some "before kids" stuff, too. Someone said live alone and I must agree, I LOVE having my own place! It's one of the best feelings ever, being able to take care of myself and having my space when I need it.

I decided to travel cross-country at the end of this year. My sister and I are going to take a photography class together. I definitely want to learn how to cook before I get married. Actually, that's more of a need--Ramen a la king is fine for me, but I don't want my kids growing up on that.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The Weekly or Monthly (it depends) Marriage Commandments:

Couples shalt do childless and spouseless gatherings with childless and spouseless friends.

Amen - lose the spouse when you come to see me, because I'm not going to dish on anything when your husband is around.