The Single's Bucket List

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I can't speak to the "being married" part anymore, but I can speak to the parent part. I'm very limited as to what I can do because of my kids, but it is still my choice for right now. What I want to do right now is be around so that my teens know I'm keeping tabs on them. With kids, I have to own a home big enough for them to live in, even if I'd prefer a one bedroom condo with no lawn mowing and snow blowing required. With kids, I have to live within 100 miles of my ex-husband AND be able to get them to school every day that they are in my custody because the court says so. With a 50-50 custody arrangement, you're pretty limited and restricted to remaining in a certain geographic area. I choose to be limited as to how much I can date/be in a relationship because I choose to keep that part of my life completely and totally separate from my kids. I'm looking for a partner for me, not a dad for them and I'm not comfortable with them going through relationship ups and downs along with me, so I won't involve them. I also am much more limited financially while supporting two kids than I would be if it was "just me".

But, once that youngest is in college, I'm moving to Atlanta to be with the man who I have wanted to be with for the last 9 years. That's the bucket list, post-parenthood

I'm counting the days for you! Good luck!

But just to play devil's advocate, is this really a bucket list of what to do before kids? Is this something you wish you'd done before you had kids or is this dealing with what came along after you had kids?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I'm counting the days for you! Good luck!

But just to play devil's advocate, is this really a bucket list of what to do before kids? Is this something you wish you'd done before you had kids or is this dealing with what came along after you had kids?

Only time will tell if that dream will ever become a reality! I've left it in God's hands. If he's truly my soulmate and we're meant to be together, we will be, eventually.

No, it's not a bucket list of things to do before kids. It's just an example of how being a parent can limit you. That definitely came along after I had kids and was divorced.

I did not finish grad school the first time around because I got pregnant though. I did want to get my Masters in Clinical Psychology before kids but didn't because I was simply not capable of working full time, maintaining a household, caring for an infant AND going to grad school. But then, had my ex-husband been more supportive/capable at the time, I may have been able to pull it off. Since I no longer work in that field, I think, ultimately, things work out the way they're supposed to. At the time though, I was pretty upset at the realization that the Masters wasn't going to happen.

But, ultimately, I think you're right. It's not marriage or parenthood specifically that limits you... although who you choose to marry can limit you a lot... and if it does, then you probably married the wrong person! Partners should be able to encourage and support each other in following their dreams, not be a limiting factor. And, I think, family support is a big determining factor in how limited you are as a parent. I have friends who've been able to travel sans kids because the grandparents are able to take the kids for a week here and there. Others don't have that luxury.

Parenthood involves a lot of sacrifices. But, since they are done out of the most intense love you'll ever feel, it doesn't feel bad to make those sacrifices.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I did not finish grad school the first time around because I got pregnant though. I did want to get my Masters in Clinical Psychology before kids but didn't because I was simply not capable of working full time, maintaining a household, caring for an infant AND going to grad school. But then, had my ex-husband been more supportive/capable at the time, I may have been able to pull it off. Since I no longer work in that field, I think, ultimately, things work out the way they're supposed to. At the time though, I was pretty upset at the realization that the Masters wasn't going to happen.

This would be why I wanted to finish the degree first. As it was, the writing process caused some difficulty in many of my relationships, romantic and otherwise.

Not that I would expect that the man that I would marry would not be supportive of me, but I just wanted to have the time to focus completely and selfishly on finishing, so that I wouldn't still be in my program after 7 or 8 years.

Someone else mentioned having her own place. That wasn't so big for me, (though I have done it) but I really strongly urged one of my friends to live by herself before she got married. I really thought that she needed that experience. I am happy that she was able to do that.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Only time will tell if that dream will ever become a reality! I've left it in God's hands. If he's truly my soulmate and we're meant to be together, we will be, eventually. . . .

I meant to respond to this earlier. I agree pretty much with all you said, and I'm pulling for you!