Room for Individual Growth?

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what.... And when I was talking about frat parties, ... I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well.

Are you required to attend all parties or do you have the option to decline one every now and then, like when you are not feeling 100% or are stressed about something? And is your penalty something tangible (like a fine) or more like a scolding? Just wondering whether the punishment is in balance with the infraction.

On the surface it may seem silly for your chapter to expect you to be "on" at every fraternity mixer. However, I'm sure you realize that when you attend a party with another group and sit there like a bump on the log, your behavior could have an unintended impact on your sisters. Once the fraternities get the perception that the sisters of XYZ sorority are no fun to mix with, your invitations will dry up. That could even impact your recruitment in the years to come, starting a spiral that's hard to control.

I'm going to buck the trend of people telling you to deactivate. Instead, I encourage you to run for a leadership position within the chapter. I think being a leader will give you a whole different perspective, as you start to see how tightly interwoven the individual behaviors of the members are, and the impact they have on the long-term health of the whole chapter. In the meantime, you might suggest that the chapter exec board give each sister one get-out-of-party-free pass to use when they know they won't be in the right mindset, maybe one per year. It's better for someone not to be there at all than to be there and embarrass her sisters by her non-social behavior. Just don't abuse it!

[33girl]

If the standard attire on your campus is sweats and you have to wear a business suit for meetings, I can see where that would stick in your craw. FWIW we never dressed up for meetings either, but considering they were held on Sunday night it was a miracle we crawled out of bed, period.

If you like dressing up otherwise but it's the fact that the sorority is telling you to do it that's annoying you, sorority life just might not be for you. Depending on the chapter, things can either be laid back or very rigid. Yours sounds like it's on the rigid end of the scale.