how do sororities decide?

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I believe the phrase "not worth the trouble" is the thing the OP said that stuck in people's craws. It's unquestionably a very dismissive thing to say.

Exactly. The other sororities would have been worth the effort of getting out on her bad foot.

[agzg]

I think more people have a problem with her not going to the pref that she was invited to because at pref most PNMs get the truest sense of what it means to be in that chapter.

Preference ceremonies are ritual for a reason.

[agzg]

Part of me wishes silence was between PNMs, too. More damage is done to a chapter by tent talk than a sister saying hello to a PNM when she's not supposed to.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

More damage is done to a chapter by tent talk than a sister saying hello to a PNM when she's not supposed to.

Isn't that the truth!!!!

[srmom]

And she will have to live with the decision she made. In the future, she may rue the choice, maybe not, who knows.

But, bullying people into making, what for them is, a wrong choice is not going to strengthen a struggling chapter. Unhappy, complaining new pledges - poisoning the entire pledge class - is worse in my opinion.

This gal decided it wasn't for her - so be it.

[PenguinTrax]

Originally Posted by srmom

And she will have to live with the decision she made. In the future, she may rue the choice, maybe not, who knows.

But, bullying people into making, what for them is, a wrong choice is not going to strengthen a struggling chapter. Unhappy, complaining new pledges - poisoning the entire pledge class - is worse in my opinion.

This gal decided it wasn't for her - so be it.

Quite so. There's been some very good advice here, and just about anything that could be said on the subject, has been said already.

[srmom]

I'm sorry, I just have to chuckle at the whole bad foot thing... That just strikes me as funny.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by srmom

I'm sorry, I just have to chuckle at the whole bad foot thing... That just strikes me as funny.

Same here. Especially since the OP called it an "extreme inconvenience." Please

[Low C Sharp]

Oh please. Whenever a PMN comes here complaining about being cut from all chapters except one or two, it's never because they weren't cut from the "top tier/beautiful model/rocket scientist/fraternity favorite/insert your tent talk hyperbole here." It's always because they "don't click/fit in" with the "struggling/smallest/fatty/ugly/lamest/insert your tent talk smash and bash here." They don't want to be one of those.

It's like a secret code that few here want to admit. And it's the reason why struggling chapters continue into a death spiral in spite of RFM.

That's generally true. But I can't see that as evil/bad/wrong. It's not the job of any PNM to do what's best for the struggling chapter or bring them out of their death spiral. It's her job to decide what will be a good use of her limited time and money in college.

The other secret code is that it may not be any fun to be the campus whipping boy (girl?). Yes, every PNM should be encouraged to give it a shot at pref. But I am not going to hold it against any teenager who decides that she doesn't want to spend money to be labeled as struggling/smallest/fatty/ugly/lamest right off the bat in college. Both shallow snots and wonderful human beings may come to that conclusion. The reason for the secret code is that if a PNM actually admitted that on GC, she'd be run out of town on a virtual rail.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

That's generally true. But I can't see that as evil/bad/wrong. It's not the job of any PNM to do what's best for the struggling chapter or bring them out of their death spiral. It's her job to decide what will be a good use of her limited time and money in college.

The other secret code is that it may not be any fun to be the campus whipping boy (girl?). Yes, every PNM should be encouraged to give it a shot at pref. But I am not going to hold it against any teenager who decides that she doesn't want to spend money to be labeled as struggling/smallest/fatty/ugly/lamest right off the bat in college. Both shallow snots and wonderful human beings may come to that conclusion. The reason for the secret code is that if a PNM actually admitted that on GC, she'd be run out of town on a virtual rail.

I agree with what you are saying generally.

It's just hard to repeatedly hear or read the same stuff without simply wanting people to be more aware. If all the groups but one drop you, perhaps it makes the most sense to look at the one you have left rather than trying to figure out how you can game the system the second time through, especially seeing as you really can't do anything about how the groups do membership selection.

[Low C Sharp]

I wonder what it would be like if the sororities merely accepted PNM's who wanted to join their sorority

That's how it works at the "sign-in" eating clubs at Princeton. Some of the clubs use a traditional "bicker" system, similar to rush, to choose members. The other clubs are "sign-in" clubs...groups of sophomores sign into the club of their choice with their friends, and if there's too much interest, the club uses a lottery to determine which groups are admitted. The sign-in clubs are very popular, and they are doing very well financially and have lots of alumni support.

As tld pointed out, there's no prestige attached to membership in a sign-in club, but at Princeton, students don't really need additional prestige! Also, the bicker clubs are seen as undesirable by some students who view them as stuffy relics of another age.

The residential colleges at Harvard and Yale use random assignment, with 100% undergrad participation. These Houses/colleges serve many of the functions of Greek houses at other schools (smaller community, intramurals, study groups, parties and formals, community service, etc.). They have their own colors, coats of arms, traditions, etc. Again, lots of loyalty and alumni support for these institutions.

Now, I'm not saying that this would work everywhere. It's obvious that these three universities are ultra-selective, and any random sampling of the student body includes near-100% stellar academics and activities. But they're extremely diverse ethnically, geographically, economically, politically, and in terms of personality type. You might not think you could build strong social communities with random assignment or PNM choice, but at these schools, it does work.

[jwright25]

Originally Posted by lawgal

(sigh) If only we had the sorting hat from Harry Potter....

And that is the first thing that came to my mind when I read:

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

The residential colleges at Harvard and Yale use random assignment, with 100% undergrad participation. These Houses/colleges serve many of the functions of Greek houses at other schools (smaller community, intramurals, study groups, parties and formals, community service, etc.). They have their own colors, coats of arms, traditions, etc. Again, lots of loyalty and alumni support for these institutions.

[srmom]

Okay, so it's totally fine for chapter members to be picky so that they can keep up the prestige of the organization, yet a pnm is raked over the coals for being picky and deciding that she does not want to attend pref at a chapter she does not feel is right for her.

I guess what's good for the goose is NOT for the gander.

BTW - I am not in any way advocating letting anyone who wants in, but I do think it's a bit hypocritical to criticize the opening poster for her pickiness and then say that chapters have to be picky to keep up their prestige...

[preciousjeni]

Why is this thread still open?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by srmom

Okay, so it's totally fine for chapter members to be picky so that they can keep up the prestige of the organization, yet a pnm is raked over the coals for being picky and deciding that she does not want to attend pref at a chapter she does not feel is right for her.

I guess what's good for the goose is NOT for the gander.

BTW - I am not in any way advocating letting anyone who wants in, but I do think it's a bit hypocritical to criticize the opening poster for her pickiness and then say that chapters have to be picky to keep up their prestige...

Recruitment is an interview process.

Let’s play make-believe for a moment.

Scenario 1: You want a job really badly and you’d love to do something in your field. You look through the classifieds and find numerous jobs to apply to. Some of the better jobs you find have higher qualifications, and while you try anyway, you’re pretty sure you won’t hear back from them. You don’t. That’s ok, though, because you figure it’s better to get yourself some job than to not have one at all (and you really want to get into the work force). You receive 7 calls back and go on the interviews. You're excited and you think things went well. You then get the second round of calls, but when you do, you only get 3. Your options aren't your favorites, but you go back for the second interviews, anyway. Two of the people who interviewed you were great, while one of them was a little quiet, and you found it difficult to answer her questions. You wait for the last round of calls, but you only get one. It's from the place that you weren't too thrilled about, but you still decide to go back. You talk to a different person than the last time. Both this woman and the last one aren’t the most entertaining people to talk to, but you haven’t seen much of the office and you’re still hoping you'll get that chance. You do. The pool of interviewees has been narrowed down from 20 to 3 and you know you have to put your best foot forward. You go back for what you know is the last interview. This time, things are different. You meet and interview with yet another person who you love. She’s so nice and friendly, and she offers to show you around. You meet a few other people and the office is a lot bigger than you thought. The pay and benefits are explained to you and your eyes light up. This is definitely somewhere you could see yourself.

Scenario 2: You want a job really badly and you’d love to do something in your field. You look through the classifieds and find numerous jobs to apply to. You decide, though, that you only want to apply to specific ones. The other jobs don’t look too appealing, and you couldn’t be bothered to waste your time. While you were hoping for 5-10 calls for interviews, you only received 3. But you’re not too worried because 2 of those 3 are ones that you really want. You go on the interviews and you think they all went well. After everyone tells you that you’ll hear back from them by Friday, you only hear from 2 of them. You still have one of your favorites, though. You go on both interviews, and the one potential place of employment still leaves a little something to be desired. But when you get a call back for the final interviews, you only get one call. You’re not thrilled with who the call is from. You debate for a bit, and then figure it’s not worth the effort to go to the last interview. Even though there is a 2 month probationary period, they still can’t convince you to meet with them one last time.

In the 2nd scenario, who do you blame for not having a job? Yourself, or the companies that didn’t hire you?