Loved Ones Agianst Sororities :( - Page 2

texas*princess · #1 09-14-2008, 06:13 PM

I say kick his @$$ to the curb.

My ex (who at that point I had dated for like 3 or 4 yrs) wanted to break up with me the NIGHT BEFORE MY INIATIATION b/c he didn't want me to join my sorority. I said, "Ok ... thanks, you can leave now!"

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, buddy.

Yeah, I was sad, but my sisters were there for me. If he was going to dump me for something like that, to hell with him

WCsweet<3 · #2 09-14-2008, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

I think it will make it easy for him if I'm not in one. I love him to death but I have 3 part-time jobs and I go to school, he is equal to a 4th job. He doesn't want me to seek support any where else. He wants to be everything. He wants to talk to me about everything, be my best friend and everything, but he isn't being realistic because he can not be a human and be everything a person needs. When I'm sad about my family and lonely without friends, he wans me to not be sad because i have him. I just wish he was the type of boyfriend that would do whatever to make me happy, but if it is not what he thinks is right......he is totally against it. I feel as if I should be an exception to what he normally does. I think i should be the one that he does stuff for that he never ever would have done, but his head is too big for that.

First of all, everyone changes in college and with time. People grow apart. Some boyfriends are good for where you are at the time but not for later in life.
I'm not a member of a sorority yet, but I am almost 100% sure that not every sorority girl is single or dating fraternity guy...
The pressure he seemingly puts on you is quite a bit. A fourth job? Ouch in my opinion, and I use to have a boyfriend just like that.
I choose this post because well read it. If it was your best friend saying that what would you say to her?
One person cannot be everything, that is why you have family and friends. If someone is everything in a relationship, the couple typically ends up being unhappy.
Also, he should be making YOU happy! The things that make him happy don't need always make you happy. My boyfriend obsesses about cars, including wheel type and tires (?) I like to make lists and exercises. He thinks my lists are weird but he wouldn't make me stop because he knows it helps. I wouldn't make him stop looking at tire types and rims because I know it clears his mind.

Basically in the end: This guy sounds unhealthy! Would you let your best friend (not your boyfriend, choose a different one) date someone like this?

RareTreasure · #3 09-14-2008, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Would you let your best friend (not your boyfriend, choose a different one) date someone like this?

Lord no!!!! I'm normally the happy one! But this is totally out of character for me. Thats why I'm sooo clueless as to what to say so that we wont be offended!

#4 09-14-2008, 04:26 PM

Just saying "it will work out" or "everything will be fine" probably isn't enough for him. Find out his real concerns and make a plan to help combate those. Like, if he thinks you wont spend any time with him, and you will choose the sorority over him you should make a plan that maybe every wednesday night is date night and no matter what is happening with the sorority you will spend that night with him. If he is afraid you will change because of the sorority make a plan that you will give it a try and one month from joining you will have a serious talk about what if anything has changed and together you can reevaluate your joining.

When I was a freshmen, I had a boyfriend who was very against me joining a sorority, so I didn't. But we broke up, I joined my sophomore year and now I'm the chapter's president.

RareTreasure · #5 09-14-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

Just saying "it will work out" or "everything will be fine" probably isn't enough for him. Find out his real concerns and make a plan to help combate those. Like, if he thinks you wont spend any time with him, and you will choose the sorority over him you should make a plan that maybe every wednesday night is date night and no matter what is happening with the sorority you will spend that night with him. If he is afraid you will change because of the sorority make a plan that you will give it a try and one month from joining you will have a serious talk about what if anything has changed and together you can reevaluate your joining.

When I was a freshmen, I had a boyfriend who was very against me joining a sorority, so I didn't. But we broke up, I joined my sophomore year and now I'm the chapter's president.

Aww! Congratulations! I dont wanna wish bad luck on us.....but it would make my life a lot easier if we broke up. Easy, but not happier. I am extremely happy being with him, but I could be even happier with him and me joining. Then, he would be even more humiliating to bread up with him and not be accepted!!! That would be the worst of it all!!! But I will always keep a positive attitude and work hard to get what I want. I have to put it in god's hands.....I wish I could speed up my boyfriend coming along and getting with the program! lol

MSKKG · #6 09-14-2008, 05:01 PM

In your 1st post, you said that he said that joining a sorority is a want not a necessity. In the post where you mentioned your 2 jobs, you enumerated all his wants concerning your decision. He can have wants and you can't?!? Let me reiterate what others have said, get out of this abusive relationship now!

Really from some of the things you have said, it doesn't sound like you love him but are just used to being in a relationship with him. Look down the road. Will he not want you to join a garden club because it will take time away from him? Will this friend or that family member not be acceptable to him? He is a controller--that is not love.

Senusret I · #7 09-14-2008, 04:56 PM

Let's not forget that this is an NPHC sorority and it's your senior year (isn't it?).

Although all the advice that has been given is sound, I'd say that the chances of you joining an NPHC are just plain different than if you were going through NPC rush.

First, if you are not accepted, then he seems like he will be saying "I told you not to try."

Second, if you regroup, stay with him, and then decide to pursue an alumnae/graduate chapter, it's the same old argument.

I don't like this guy.

OneTimeSBX · #8 09-14-2008, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't like this guy.

i get a slight vibe that i shouldnt like him too...

i think he knows you will be busier and won't have time for him. and any man that will keep you from your dreams is no good for you. his correct response should have been "oh wow! well lets hope things go well! i wish you the best" and not that 6 year old whiny answer you got.

part of being in a relationship is sacrifice. my sis-in-law embodies that the best of any spouse i have ever met. she moves cross country while her husband does computer work. every year its a different city, and she never complains. she knows his goal, she knows his dream, and she backs it up. she never holds him back. and your "boyfriend" shouldnt hold you back either.

once you pledge xyz, you will be meeting lots of men in fraternities...who knows what type of guy is out there? i know there will be one who understands. so yeah, i agree with everyone else. skip the letter you plan on writing and let him know you two are on two separate pages in life and its totally not going to work. and do it now so he doesnt assume its the sorority. because down the road there will be more things he is going to threaten to leave you over. it wont stop.

Little32 · #9 09-14-2008, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't like this guy.

^^lol. Neither do I.

Titchou · #10 09-14-2008, 05:11 PM

Amen and amen!

RareTreasure · #11 09-14-2008, 05:31 PM

I thank you all for your replies. I just dont know how to go about making it happen. Where do I start? I dont want to just straight out tell him its over, your controlling, and im joining!

EE-BO · #12 09-14-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

I thank you all for your replies. I just dont know how to go about making it happen. Where do I start? I dont want to just straight out tell him its over, your controlling, and im joining!

Unfortunately, that is exactly what you have to do. The only way you get rid of a control freak is by taking control of the situation, ending the relationship and not giving him a chance to talk you out of it. I say unfortunately because this is going to be very hard for you- it would be hard for anyone even if they were glad to do it.

Let me offer one suggestion. Forget pledging a sorority for a second. Sit back, close your eyes, count to 30 slowly and then imagine it is tomorrow and he is out of your life. How does that make you feel? Surely there are many emotions there- but is there also a big sigh of relief?

The nature and tone of your posts suggest to me that you really want to pledge, but that you being in a sorority is not the real issue. The real issue is you having control over some aspects of your life- and your desire to pledge is just the first of many big dreams you will likely have to give up if you stay in this relationship.

How controlling has this person been in your life? Has he ever gotten physical- even just shoving or grabbing your arm?

If there is any chance he might lose it if you break up with him, do it in a public place, or at the very least have a strong friend or two in the next room.

It is impossible to know the real story just reading it on the internet- but from what you have presented this sounds like someone who could potentially get dangerous if he does not get his way. But don't let that scare you away from leaving him if you want to. If he is potentially dangerous now, imagine how he is going to be down the road- especially if you get married and then he really feels like he owns you!

Hope this helps and good luck to you with whatever you decide.

RareTreasure · #13 09-14-2008, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EE-BO

It is impossible to know the real story just reading it on the internet- but from what you have presented this sounds like someone who could potentially get dangerous if he does not get his way.

I am going to let him know how i feel. And I will keep you all posted....I have nothing to loose (besides him). I'll still be alive, and i have even more opportunities without him......but even with all the difficulties, problems, and unwillingness, I still love him....i just hope he doesn't leave me because I'm going to have to let him know how i feel.

Kansas City · #14 09-14-2008, 05:34 PM

Sounds to me that he might be looking for an excuse to break-up. Five years is a long time when you're in your 20's but is very short when you are looking at spending the rest of your life together. If you decide against a sorority, what will his next ultimatum be? Live life for yourself first and do what you want to do ... the rest will work itself out.

AOII_LB93 · #15 09-14-2008, 05:36 PM

It's your life not his. If you're a senior in college you're probably 21-22. There are plenty of men, not boys, out there who would support your decisions yet you choose to stay with a boy.

Are you really that happy if you're "talking" to a bunch of people online about how controlling he is? Perhaps you're not mature enough to let him go and get on with your life.