Is mutual selection really mutual?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

That being said, I do think that your Rho Chi was also somewhat in the wrong to direct you to still put down choice #3: "I told my Rho Chi that I really really really wouldn't be comfortable with my 3rd choice and she said there was only a slight chance of getting it (bad advice) and I should put it down anyway".

I would say the Rho Chi's wording was wrong, but the sentiment was what she was supposed to propose to a pnm. I was a Rho Gamma (different name, same thing) at my campus for two formals in a row and we always stressed to the pnms that the best thing they can do for themselves is to expand their options.

I definitely would have left the decision more up to the pnm and would not have downplayed the possibility of getting choice three to her but my response would have been more like: "OK, you have a right to feel like you don't want to be in any chapter. However, all the chapters on our campus are quality women, and you maximize your potential as a sorority member by selecting three choices on your form. Think long and hard while you're making your selections so that you can be sure to be a happy camper at the end of bid day."

Just because, having been on the side where you have to tell a pnm that she didn't get a bid - it sucks. Especially when you get to know some of the awesome young ladies who go through recruitment and you don't even care what chapter they join you just want to be their friend.

[FSUZeta]

i would like to point out to the OP that should she decide to ask panhellenic to intervene for her and see if chapter#3 will honor her bid, and during her new member period decides that her original feelings about the chapter were right and she wants to quit the chapter and rush again in the fall, she must quit before she is initiated. once initiated into an NPC sorority, she cannot seek membership in another NPC sorority.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I would say the Rho Chi's wording was wrong, but the sentiment was what she was supposed to propose to a pnm. I was a Rho Gamma (different name, same thing) at my campus for two formals in a row and we always stressed to the pnms that the best thing they can do for themselves is to expand their options.

I definitely would have left the decision more up to the pnm and would not have downplayed the possibility of getting choice three to her but my response would have been more like: "OK, you have a right to feel like you don't want to be in any chapter. However, all the chapters on our campus are quality women, and you maximize your potential as a sorority member by selecting three choices on your form. Think long and hard while you're making your selections so that you can be sure to be a happy camper at the end of bid day."

Just because, having been on the side where you have to tell a pnm that she didn't get a bid - it sucks. Especially when you get to know some of the awesome young ladies who go through recruitment and you don't even care what chapter they join you just want to be their friend.

As a former recruitment counselor and panhellenic exec. member, I would encourage the OP to inform her panhellenic office about the advice given to her by a recruitment counselor that was incorrect. You don't have to name names, but it is important that the recruitment counselors get correct information. The PNMs rely on them for correct information. Though we all like to encourage women to consider all options and never discard any chapter that has invited them, it is ALWAYS a PNM's right to choose NOT to accept membership in a chapter and therefore not list them on her preference card. Unlike some other women, I do not think it's a good idea for women to list chapters that they know they will reject a bid from. It's creates bad morale in a chapter & pledge class, and it takes away spots from other women that wanted it (including maybe quota additions). If women "suicide" and don't get a bid, so be it. They can rush again later or not. We should not be coercing women into signing a binding contract based on incorrect information or lies.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

We should not be coercing women into signing a binding contract based on incorrect information or lies.

Right.

However, everyone needs to keep in mind that we only know what's being said here, and we don't know this Rho Chi. Therefore we don't really know what was actually said to the PNM and whether the PX lied, just didn't know the rules, or knew them and didn't communicate them correctly.

[AGDee]

There *is* only a slight chance of a PNM getting matched to her 3rd choice most of the time and I think the Rho Chis are trained to strongly encourage PNMs to maximize their options to be eligible for quota additions (when used) or to get a guaranteed bid (on campuses where they have this) The reality is, if the PNM didn't get choice 1 or 2, she wasn't going to get 1 or 2 whether she put a 3rd choice or not. If all the chapters are at Total and COR doesn't happen on this campus, then it doesn't really matter that she signed a binding contract. The only part that she said wrong was that the computer would freak out...

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Right.

However, everyone needs to keep in mind that we only know what's being said here, and we don't know this Rho Chi. Therefore we don't really know what was actually said to the PNM and whether the PX lied, just didn't know the rules, or knew them and didn't communicate them correctly.

I'm with you. On the computer thing, well that's a lie or a lie someone else told the PX. On the rest of the advice, it really seems that she didn't communicate effectively enough that it is a pnm's choice whether or not to exclude a chapter.