What defines a helicopter parent?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

My parents were never helicoptering. My mom was the room mom because everyone liked her. She advocated for me twice during my whole time in school: once because I was having issues with math (8th grade) and again when my teacher gave me an unfair grade (advanced English class, got a D on a paper when I had followed all the instructions, had another teacher review it after the grade. Mind, I had recieved all As on previous papers. She went to the teacher and then the principal when that meeting didn't provide her answers. The grade was eventually changed.) She and my father did not do projects for me, did not harrass the teachers when I earned a low grade, didn't choose classes for me and did not pressure me into doing extracurricular activities.

I like AGDee's example of using the resources to motivate and encourage her children, that is what my parents did when I struggled in school. That is what I do now with my daughter. I will encourage and support her, but not do her work for her.

Actually, it does sound like they "harassed" the teacher when you received a low grade. They may have only done it once, but it looked like it happened. Harass is your word rather than mine, but what you describe really isn't all that normal.

If you made all As on your other papers, it really probably wasn't worth all that. What did you learn from her doing that? That you might sometimes call momma to deal with injustice? What about the times when your mom has no influence?

I have no idea what your English teacher was like, and I'll even accept that she/he was clearly in the wrong. But often the fights that seem like they need fighting really don't, and that an even better lesson may be learned by people not getting what they want.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Actually, it does sound like they "harassed" the teacher when you received a low grade. They may have only done it once, but it looked like it happened. Harass is your word rather than mine, but what you describe really isn't all that normal.

Courtesy of dictionary.com:
ha·rass Audio Help /həˈræs, ˈhærəs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[huh-ras, har-uhs] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object) 1. to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute.
2. to trouble by repeated attacks, incursions, etc., as in war or hostilities; harry; raid.

================

Until you can prove that what nikki's parents were doing was 'harrassing" the teacher, you cannot place judgement there.

Just sayin'.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

Courtesy of dictionary.com:
ha·rass Audio Help /həˈræs, ˈhærəs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[huh-ras, har-uhs] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object) 1. to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute.
2. to trouble by repeated attacks, incursions, etc., as in war or hostilities; harry; raid.

================

Until you can prove that what nikki's parents were doing was 'harrassing" the teacher, you cannot place judgement there.

Just sayin'.

I'm saying that having someone else grade a paper after the fact and going above the teacher's head to the principal is beyond normal behavior about one paper grade.

It may not be harassment, but it's the kind that helicopter parents do.

Now, I'm not saying that you should just let teachers hand out random grades, but one paper is not something that should be going to the principal worthy, I don't think.

I don't pretend to know Nikki or her parents, and they all may be delightful folks, but the situation with the English teacher is exactly what helicopter parents do. (ETA: Maybe Nikki was better off the long run with her parents advocating and getting the grade changed, but I wonder if it wouldn't have been even better to see what Nikki could have accomplished on her own. A kid in advanced English should have some decent communication skills, right?)

ETA: I do apologize for making it seem like I'm judging Nikki's parents so hard. I admit I don't know the whole story, but what's presented here seems like a bad example of how they aren't helicopters. I don't really expect parents to be perfect in every instance and there's a whole range of dealing with teacher issues that are completely the teacher's fault.
I think Nikki is correct in her assessment that if these were the only two times they intervened, that her parents probably weren't the helicopter type.

[SWTXBelle]

When I was teaching 8, 10 and 12th grade I had a rule. I would re-check your test or paper on request, but if I did so, you got the new grade, be it higher or lower. (I would often raise a grade in the initial grading for a student who was borderline but contributed to class, but I don't lower grades. You get what you earn.) I remember re-checking a test - the student got a lower grade. He was shocked - "Are you going to give me the lower grade?" Well, yes. I told you I would give you the correct grade, be it higher or lower. Explaining why a grade was given ( and how to improve ) I had no problem with - I'd happily go over it with a student so he/she could avoid the same mistakes later.
English grading is very subjective. It is more than just following the directions - doing that will get you a "C" for average in my class. However, if I had a student who went from A work to D, I would double-check that paper as a matter of course. That said, if I gave it a D, it would stay a D, no matter who wanted to recheck it or give me pressure. And I would be far more likely to respect an 8th grader who didn't understand why a paper was graded the way it was than a parent who called to complain. I really hated the parents who wanted me to give their children extra credit. I had an extra credit assignment every 6 weeks - your student can do the same one everyone else does. No special assignments for your special snowflake.

Actual conversation from my first year teaching High School.

Lee - "You gave (eta - I hate that. I didn't "give" you a grade - you earned it.) me a C! Do you know who I am?"

Me - "Yes, you are that student who earned a C on his paper."

At least he came to discuss his grade on his own, and didn't sic mommy and daddy on me!

eta - and I'm just commented on general helicoptering - not making a comment about the previous poster's parents. I don't have enough facts to say anything, other than I also think perhaps it was a missed learning moment.

[nikki1920]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Actually, it does sound like they "harassed" the teacher when you received a low grade. They may have only done it once, but it looked like it happened. Harass is your word rather than mine, but what you describe really isn't all that normal.

If you made all As on your other papers, it really probably wasn't worth all that. What did you learn from her doing that? That you might sometimes call momma to deal with injustice? What about the times when your mom has no influence?

I have no idea what your English teacher was like, and I'll even accept that she/he was clearly in the wrong. But often the fights that seem like they need fighting really don't, and that an even better lesson may be learned by people not getting what they want.

The point I was trying to make was, that I had been an "A/B" student before, and to suddenly receive a D, and no sufficient explanation from the teacher as to why this was the grade I received. When I explained to my mom what happened, she met with the teacher, got the same response and THEN went to the principal. For me and my mom, it was a fight that needed to be fought because this grade could have kept me from going to high school on time. Apparently there were other "issues" involved with this particular teacher regarding certain students.

If I did poorly on the paper, I would have accepted that and moved on. But to be consistently told that one is a decent writer (for middle school) and never having received a D in any English class before, and doing well in the class until then, and having a teacher tell me "well, that's the grade I am giving you, so just take it and sit down," that was a bit of a confidence breaker for me.

Apparently, I didn't communicate that well enough, so I apologize for the mix up. And yes, those were the only two times my parents intervened. And I did learn to speak up for myself from that experience.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

The point I was trying to make was, that I had been an "A/B" student before, and to suddenly receive a D, and no sufficient explanation from the teacher as to why this was the grade I received. When I explained to my mom what happened, she met with the teacher, got the same response and THEN went to the principal. For me and my mom, it was a fight that needed to be fought because this grade could have kept me from going to high school on time. Apparently there were other "issues" involved with this particular teacher regarding certain students.

If I did poorly on the paper, I would have accepted that and moved on. But to be consistently told that one is a decent writer (for middle school) and never having received a D in any English class before, and doing well in the class until then, and having a teacher tell me "well, that's the grade I am giving you, so just take it and sit down," that was a bit of a confidence breaker for me.

Apparently, I didn't communicate that well enough, so I apologize for the mix up. And yes, those were the only two times my parents intervened. And I did learn to speak up for myself from that experience.

Sorry for going off on the situation earlier. Particularly if this episode was middle school too, it make more sense that your mom took it up for you. I thought it happened in high school, and the same teacher from whom you have previously earned As scored one paper a D and your mom kept fighting it all the way to the principal. That seemed a bit much.

I apologize for rushing to GreekChat judgment.