What defines a helicopter parent?

[ComradesTrue]

Honestly, I think cell phones have a little bit to do with it, at least with college kids. Cell phones certainly aren't to blame for the whole problem, but can be a contributor of it.

Parents and children have become accomostomed to having immediate access with each other at any time of day. It is not uncommon to hear comments like "I talk to my mom/daughter at least 10 times a day." This shortens the cord considerably.

For those of us who were in school with either a line for a dorm phone or a regular phone in our dorm room (that charged long distance rates) calls were much more limited. I think I talked to my parents 1-2 times a week. Thus, I had to be virtually 100% independent at 18, solve my own problems, deal with life's difficulties, and basically just "grow up." I was on my own. It didn't mean I loved my parents less, it just meant that things were my responsiblity now.

I have posted this before, but the story is so appalling it bears repeating... I had a previous co-worker who had a son at a large university. He would call her- at work- upteen times a day, every day. On multiple occaisions he was upset about a grade and would ask her to call his professors to get the grade changed. And yes, she did it.

That is helicoptering. Stepping in and doing things for your child when developmentally they should be learning to do these things for themselves. But.. this is a perfect example that it can work both ways. Children learn that parents will do things for them and come to expect that. Oh the harsh realities when they go job searching!!

Back before that "immediate" parental/child access, the college student would have had no choice but to work out the grade issue themselves.

It is okay to love your child, want what is best for your child, and even be there to support your child. You can even hurt when your child is hurting. But... parents have to be willing to let their children experience disapointment, failure, and even pain. Constant attempts to shelter them from this, repeated efforts to do things for their children when the child should do for themselves, and blaming everyone *but* their child for problems are all symptoms of the FWAP/FWAP.

Great thread, SWTX.