CNNs Black in America w/ Soledad O'brien: July 19-27

[SummerChild]

IASK,
I am not married nor do I have children but I find what you have pointed out to be very interesting. I agree that married women should not have to worry about having children with their husbands. I also think that married men should be responsible for their children. Period. Point Blank. The same stigma that attaches to a mother leaving her children should attach to a man leaving his children. I like that Barack Obama, in his speech on Father's Day, really drilled home the idea that men have to be responsible for their children. It is this kind of thinking/speaking out by someone that many people look up to that, I think, will begin to change the way that society thinks about the role of a man with his children. To me, it is ignorant, with a capital "I" for a judge to basically give a man a pass to behave like a child. That is ignorant and not the message that we should send society. Even if she was saying that women have to be responsible, the implication, by focusing so much on the *woman's* responsibility, is that the *man'* responsibility is less or diminished, relative to that of the mother, at least when it comes to kids.

I also think that family courts are to blame for this assinine way of thinking. Why give preference to a mother or a father? Some states don't have this antiquated preference anymore but some do. Are the courts implying that mothers are more important to a child's upbringing than a father? Are the courts implying that a man is not responsible enough to raise his kids? Are they giving the man a pass to act like a child? These issues need to be addressed b/c I would argue that they is what they are doing when they give the mother preference over the father. It.is.bologna. Why do that? To me, as a woman, that is just as offensive to me as the judge saying that I should not have children with my husband. Society needs to stop with making women feel like we are the natural parents and men are basically just the fertilizer. We are NOT the natural parents. So why does everyone loose their minds when the woman wants to go off and leave the kids with their fathers and she send child support (instead of the other way around)? There is no reason that the woman should be required to stay in society's mind and not send child support. To believe otherwise is to buy into the silly idea that men are not as good parents as women and that, by extension, their absence is more tolerable than a mother's absence. So if you believe that, then you are basically saying that the man is not necessary...and, then, of course, they can be excused from their manly duties of raising kids. The judges, family court, and our familes in general need to be overhauled in our thinking.

Ok, I'm off my feminist soapbox.
SC

Originally Posted by I.A.S.K.

I was watching Divorce Court and for 3 episodes in a row the judge told women that they should have considered the fact that a man can walk away at anytime and the high divorce rate before they decided to lay down and have children. While this is true partly, the judge was talking to married women. If you can't expect the man that you marry and make vows to to take of your children (that you two made together) then what should be done. Should everyone remain childless?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by SummerChild

I also think that married men should be responsible for their children. Period. Point Blank. The same stigma that attaches to a mother leaving her children should attach to a man leaving his children...To me, it is ignorant, with a capital "I" for a judge to basically give a man a pass to behave like a child. That is ignorant and not the message that we should send society. Even if she was saying that women have to be responsible, the implication, by focusing so much on the *woman's* responsibility, is that the *man'* responsibility is less or diminished, relative to that of the mother, at least when it comes to kids.

I also think that family courts are to blame for this assinine way of thinking. Why give preference to a mother or a father? Some states don't have this antiquated preference anymore but some do. Are the courts implying that mothers are more important to a child's upbringing than a father? Are the courts implying that a man is not responsible enough to raise his kids? Are they giving the man a pass to act like a child? These issues need to be addressed b/c I would argue that they is what they are doing when they give the mother preference over the father. It.is.bologna. Why do that? To me, as a woman, that is just as offensive to me as the judge saying that I should not have children with my husband. Society needs to stop with making women feel like we are the natural parents and men are basically just the fertilizer. We are NOT the natural parents. So why does everyone loose their minds when the woman wants to go off and leave the kids with their fathers and she send child support (instead of the other way around)? There is no reason that the woman should be required to stay in society's mind and not send child support. To believe otherwise is to buy into the silly idea that men are not as good parents as women and that, by extension, their absence is more tolerable than a mother's absence. So if you believe that, then you are basically saying that the man is not necessary...and, then, of course, they can be excused from their manly duties of raising kids. The judges, family court, and our familes in general need to be overhauled in our thinking.

Ok, I'm off my feminist soapbox.
SC

I agree with some of what you said, Soror SC, but you know how many Maury shows there are about paternity. That is not a new or unusual phenomenon. I actually think some of these guest really do not know who the father is and tests are pricey. And enough sample must be collected... So in someways, what is the court supposed to say as to who the responsible adult for this child should be?

You know more than I that the first placement will be with the biological parent who desires full custody. And if it is neither, then foster care for hopes of adoption... But our children are ruminating through out the foster care system.

The other issue is I have a very nice youtube video from a Dr. of my current workplace who is saying key components of one's mental health stability and brain/neural development/learning are made at early childhood. Well, we all know that if you are poorly understand the ramifications of your upcoming pregnancy (typically when you are poor and young), it is highly likely that the resulting child will have behavioral issues as it grows up... And that is pretty sad since this physician was talking about the United States overall...

The other issue is one of Rape and sexual violence. A topic completely overlooked by the CNN documentary. There is a high rate of rape/sexual violence in the African American community, period. I think the stat is somewhere around 65%+. That includes incest. As many of us who are familiar with this issue, if it is either incest and/or child sexual abuse, what kinds of responsible relationship building would these poor children have? Now, I am not saying that everybody is jacking their children. But there is a curious stat that many of the teens here have been sexually molested or abused as children by either someone in their family or "mom's boyfriend" or etc... That means a different tactic has to be employed and this discussion NEVER happens in the Black community--much less where it needs to be, like church...