Courthouse Ceremony then "Real" Wedding?

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

Am I the only one getting the 'red flag' when the OP says the groom-to-be is just going to consider the civil ceremony "only papers"???

Are you getting married because you love each other and want a real marriage, or because his health benefits are nice and he gets more $?

The civil ceremony is more about paperwork for us. We're not even exchanging rings. Our "real" wedding will be next year, when we can share it with friends, family, and God. If it were up to us, J wouldn't be deployed and we could do things the more traditional way but the military has a funny way of changing your plans for you. Also, why not take advantage of the benefits this would afford us?

Besides, I know I love my man, I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

The civil ceremony is more about paperwork for us. We're not even exchanging rings. Our "real" wedding will be next year, when we can share it with friends, family, and God. If it were up to us, J wouldn't be deployed and we could do things the more traditional way but the military has a funny way of changing your plans for you. Also, why not take advantage of the benefits this would afford us?

Besides, I know I love my man, I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.

Yep, everyone's initial impressions on this thread were right. You want the big white wedding more than a marriage.

As has been said above, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you plan on it.

Since the "marriage" is just going to be paperwork and mean nothing else to either of you, the "wedding" is just going to be a big party where you're the star.

(yes, it's harsh but you've put this situation out for public comment).

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by kddani

Yep, everyone's initial impressions on this thread were right. You want the big white wedding more than a marriage.

As has been said above, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you plan on it.

Since the "marriage" is just going to be paperwork and mean nothing else to either of you, the "wedding" is just going to be a big party where you're the star.

(yes, it's harsh but you've put this situation out for public comment).

I'm not sure I understand why so many people feel this is an either/or situation. Why can't you want a big white wedding and a marriage??

My husband isn't in the military, but for us, honestly, the paperwork was just that - paperwork. It was necessary, official stuff, but hardly anything exciting or emotionally meaningful. The wedding was a party we put on for our family and friends, telling them they were all stuck with the two of us being together. The marriage itself (our commitment to one another and our life together) is really essentially unrelated to either the paperwork or the wedding - those were just outward signs of it, one boring and one fun.

[AGDee]

After all the debates in the gay marriage thread, it's clear that some marriages are civil unions and some are religious covenants. It seems to me like they are considering the courthouse ceremony a civil union and the ceremony to follow as the religious covenant.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by 33girl

He's going to be deployed. That makes things a little different. It's not like he is going on an extended business trip and leaving her at home - or like they are eloping - he's going to fricking WAR. I'm sure that carnation and DeltAlum can think of LOTS of situations during Vietnam that were similar.

I think that the "only papers" comment is being blown out of proportion - I'm sure I would say things that weren't spot on perfect too, if I were going into a situation like he is.

What christiangirl described sounds perfect. Just put on your invite "SthrnZta & SthrnZta sweetie invite you to a celebration of love as they renew their wedding vows." I would NOT hide or cover it up the fact that legally speaking, you are man and wife.

We don't plan on hiding the civil ceremony from our guests, but we don't plan on advertising it either. If someone asks, I'm not going to lie about it and have family or friends mad at me for lying. We understand that we will be legally married and I will call him my husband, but both of us are Christians and want to be also married before God - we are choosing to have two ceremonies in order to do this and are sharing our religious ceremony with the majority of our guests - we will most likely have both of our parents at the civil ceremony and my MOH would also like to attend.

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I'm not sure I understand why so many people feel this is an either/or situation. Why can't you want a big white wedding and a marriage??

My husband isn't in the military, but for us, honestly, the paperwork was just that - paperwork. It was necessary, official stuff, but hardly anything exciting or emotionally meaningful. The wedding was a party we put on for our family and friends, telling them they were all stuck with the two of us being together. The marriage itself (our commitment to one another and our life together) is really essentially unrelated to either the paperwork or the wedding - those were just outward signs of it, one boring and one fun.

Originally Posted by AGDee

After all the debates in the gay marriage thread, it's clear that some marriages are civil unions and some are religious covenants. It seems to me like they are considering the courthouse ceremony a civil union and the ceremony to follow as the religious covenant.

Yes, exactly. Thank you!

[lilzetakitten]

I'm with DSTRen on this. I know a lot of people (myself included!) see the church ceremony as the actual beginning of the marriage, and the civil part as just paperwork that's neccessary to be married. I know that when I started Pre-Cana, our priest told us that we had to remember to bring the marriage license because he could be put in prison for not doing the legal aspect.

The paperwork really is just paperwork to some people, and the religious ceremony (or the ceremony in front of friends and family) is when the marriage actually begins.

GL with whatever you chose, SthrnZeta!!