Courthouse Ceremony then "Real" Wedding?

[Army Wife'79]

Alum, I think in "our day" it was easier to hide b/c computers weren't invented yet (in the sense they all talk to each other) so you could get married in NY and then have a big wedding in another state. We filed our own paperwork with the county in CO but now I've heard the minister etc. files it. If I were going to do a secret wedding, I'd do it across state lines in case they print it in the local papers. (and pick a town with no friends/relatives).

[AKA_Monet]

For what it's worth, it is more important to work on your MARRIAGE than that huge shindig IMHO. My husband and I did what we did because my mother had a lapse of psychosis once my now husband proposed to me. She wanted all this fanciful affair with crazy lunacy, then move it to where my grandmother lives. And to tell you the truth, my husband and I did not want all that...

What I was hoping for was a Las Vegas Chapel of Happiness wedding with a Black Elvis and motown singers to walk me down the aisle with sheebop, doowah... Welp, did not get that... And my husband is too introverted to do something that wild...

What we wound up doing, is the JP. Then something respectable for the families--but that was a big mistake overall. The issue was if I did it in my hometown, there'd be fools that would show up randomly uninvited. My husband moved around, so his hometownage is unclear. And because I did not know anyone where we current reside, locations, nice places, dresses, flowers were too difficult...

Do I regret the way we did it. Hayle no. It's a story of a lifetime. And yeah, the second thing could have been done a better way, but welp, you live and learn. If we last to our Golden where we'd be in our 80's, let's have the shindig on the moon, then!!!

[alum]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Alum, I think in "our day" it was easier to hide b/c computers weren't invented yet (in the sense they all talk to each other) so you could get married in NY and then have a big wedding in another state. We filed our own paperwork with the county in CO but now I've heard the minister etc. files it. If I were going to do a secret wedding, I'd do it across state lines in case they print it in the local papers. (and pick a town with no friends/relatives).

I'm sure you're right about the technology issue. Both official weddings did not take place in the state where the civil ceremonies occurred for these couples.

[DSTRen13]

If you do go ahead and get married now with a big ceremony later, do not wait until later to change your name. There are time limits on that (which vary depending on where you are and which particular agency you're dealing with --- since there are only about a hundred places you have to change it, and they all have different rules and requirements ...). If you wait too long, you'll have to go to court for a legal name change, instead of getting to do it the "easy" way.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

If you do go ahead and get married now with a big ceremony later, do not wait until later to change your name. There are time limits on that (which vary depending on where you are and which particular agency you're dealing with --- since there are only about a hundred places you have to change it, and they all have different rules and requirements ...). If you wait too long, you'll have to go to court for a legal name change, instead of getting to do it the "easy" way.

I didn't even think about that, I just heard it's easy if it's for marriage reasons. Thanks!!

I think I'm just trying to find a happy medium of not making this a bigger deal than it is but also recognizing this as the real wedding it will be. He's ok with doing rings, name changing, etc. but I think he'd rather downplay some of that stuff if possible and make it more about the paperwork and if the name change stuff is easier done right away, then by all means I'll make it easier on myself.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

I didn't even think about that, I just heard it's easy if it's for marriage reasons. Thanks!!

I think I'm just trying to find a happy medium of not making this a bigger deal than it is but also recognizing this as the real wedding it will be. He's ok with doing rings, name changing, etc. but I think he'd rather downplay some of that stuff if possible and make it more about the paperwork and if the name change stuff is easier done right away, then by all means I'll make it easier on myself.

You can always legally change your name but still go by your maiden name socially. (Plenty of people have their legal name changed but still use their maiden name for a business persona or some other such thing.)

[texas*princess]

Am I the only one getting the 'red flag' when the OP says the groom-to-be is just going to consider the civil ceremony "only papers"???

Are you getting married because you love each other and want a real marriage, or because his health benefits are nice and he gets more $?

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

Am I the only one getting the 'red flag' when the OP says the groom-to-be is just going to consider the civil ceremony "only papers"???

Are you getting married because you love each other and want a real marriage, or because his health benefits are nice and he gets more $?

The civil ceremony is more about paperwork for us. We're not even exchanging rings. Our "real" wedding will be next year, when we can share it with friends, family, and God. If it were up to us, J wouldn't be deployed and we could do things the more traditional way but the military has a funny way of changing your plans for you. Also, why not take advantage of the benefits this would afford us?

Besides, I know I love my man, I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

Am I the only one getting the 'red flag' when the OP says the groom-to-be is just going to consider the civil ceremony "only papers"???

Are you getting married because you love each other and want a real marriage, or because his health benefits are nice and he gets more $?

He's going to be deployed. That makes things a little different. It's not like he is going on an extended business trip and leaving her at home - or like they are eloping - he's going to fricking WAR. I'm sure that carnation and DeltAlum can think of LOTS of situations during Vietnam that were similar.

I think that the "only papers" comment is being blown out of proportion - I'm sure I would say things that weren't spot on perfect too, if I were going into a situation like he is.

What christiangirl described sounds perfect. Just put on your invite "SthrnZta & SthrnZta sweetie invite you to a celebration of love as they renew their wedding vows." I would NOT hide or cover it up the fact that legally speaking, you are man and wife.