I need serious advice on my relationship

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

(Must. Stop. Thinking. Like. A. Lawyer. All. The. Time)

Please do. It's difficult but we all have OFF buttons for our professions.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

You must not be having good sex.

(Some sexperts claim that "good sex" is the type that leaves you too mesmerized to even focus on all that screaming and hollering.)

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

(Some sexperts claim that "good sex" is the type that leaves you too mesmerized to even focus on all that screaming and hollering.)

That's afterwards.

[Dionysus]

What's wrong with loud sex?

If I heard a friend in the next room screaming and cursing, it would make me want to join.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

That's afterwards.

Whatever works for you. In a TMI kinda way.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's wrong with loud sex?

If I heard a friend in the next room screaming and cursing, it would make me want to join.

I think the screaming and cursing is a bit too much.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Whatever works for you. In a TMI kinda way.

What's TMI?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

What's TMI?

Tantric Manipulated Intercourse.

(But really "Too Much Information")

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

(But really "Too Much Information")

This one reads better.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

This one reads better.

Because that's what TMI means.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I see what you're saying, and you may be right. Based on what's actually in the thread, though, you just as easily may be wrong. That was my only point -- there's not enough evidence in the thread to support your assumption.

(Must. Stop. Thinking. Like. A. Lawyer. All. The. Time)

I don't know the OP or the two jokers she's living with. MysticCat, I'm not concerned with the evidence that's been provided in this thread, because it's not going to change my opinion. Also, I'm not making an assumption, I'm simply posting an opinion on the issue. IMO, Gretchen has an 80% chance of a failed relationship, and 9 times out of 10 she more than likely was already living with this joker, just without the rest of her things. She's talking about testing the marriage waters with this joker by moving in with him.

She needs to move apart from this joker because that's the only sure way she can obtain the perspective needed to see her relationship objectively. This is the most important step she can take to increase her odds of a lifelong marriage.

If I'm not mistaken, I think she mentioned that she and this joker are going to eventually get married, so living together is o.k. IMO, living together is not the answer. My suggestion to them is that they need marriage preparation that involves meeting with a trained counselor. Doing this will help their relationship grow and help them address differences. What she's not understanding is that poor problem solving is the most common reason couples split up.

The best step cohabiting couples can take to increase their odds of a serious monogomous relationship that grows into a lifelong marriage is to move apart. Moving apart offers a new beginning, because living independently provides couples with an opportunity to see marriage as a decisive new beginning. I believe it's a chance for them to take a fresh look at each other. Living apart will be a different experience from living together and will help these two jokers deal with problems that arose in the relationship before a full marital commitment was made.

It also solves a lot of problems. Arguments over money, particularly over what is a fair share for each to contribute towards rent, utilities, and groceries won't be as frequent. I think this is a path to new self respect as well as respect for her future spouse (if they make it)

By living separately, the relationship will be a healthier one.

I also believe it offers time and space to examine attitudes and patterns. It's very difficult for a premarital couple to learn and practice communication and problem solving skills when they're sexually bonded. I say this because when two jokers start living together, and they're in conflict, they often turn to sex to restore emotional intimacy. What this does is it becomes a pattern and it leaves rational issues unresolved. I believe the closeness that comes with physical intimacy can sometimes be shallow and temporary, because it evaporates when the next argument starts up over the SAME issue. With this, problems remain unaddressed, and the couple grows increasingly frustrated with their pattern of unresolved issues. If they develop healthy communication skills, they're able to grow closer to understanding one another.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

[B][I][COLOR=darkred]I don't know the OP or the two jokers she's living with. MysticCat, I'm not concerned with the evidence that's been provided in this thread, because it's not going to change my opinion. Also, I'm not making an assumption, I'm simply posting an opinion on the issue. IMO, Gretchen has an 80% chance of a failed relationship, and 9 times out of 10 she more than likely was already living with this joker, just without the rest of her things.

The assumption I was referring to was this:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

You knew you were going to move in with the joker before you even started this thread.

That's what I was talking about when I said there is nothing in the thread that backs it up. I was not talking about the wisdom of moving in together or the likelihood of longterm success -- I pretty much agree with you on those points.

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Please do. It's difficult but we all have OFF buttons for our professions.

Guess it's a good thing I'm about to take some days off.

[DSTCHAOS]

Doesn't it always suck when you type an 8 paragraph post and someone only quotes 5 sentences.

[cheerfulgreek]

lol It's worse when you start a new "thread" that's 8 paragraghs long and no one responds to it at all.

[DSTCHAOS]

I agree and that's why I start threads with article links and cut and pastes from the article. No typing long original posts to engage you people in discussion.