I need serious advice on my relationship

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I see what you're saying, and you may be right. Based on what's actually in the thread, though, you just as easily may be wrong. That was my only point -- there's not enough evidence in the thread to support your assumption.

(Must. Stop. Thinking. Like. A. Lawyer. All. The. Time)

I don't know the OP or the two jokers she's living with. MysticCat, I'm not concerned with the evidence that's been provided in this thread, because it's not going to change my opinion. Also, I'm not making an assumption, I'm simply posting an opinion on the issue. IMO, Gretchen has an 80% chance of a failed relationship, and 9 times out of 10 she more than likely was already living with this joker, just without the rest of her things. She's talking about testing the marriage waters with this joker by moving in with him.

She needs to move apart from this joker because that's the only sure way she can obtain the perspective needed to see her relationship objectively. This is the most important step she can take to increase her odds of a lifelong marriage.

If I'm not mistaken, I think she mentioned that she and this joker are going to eventually get married, so living together is o.k. IMO, living together is not the answer. My suggestion to them is that they need marriage preparation that involves meeting with a trained counselor. Doing this will help their relationship grow and help them address differences. What she's not understanding is that poor problem solving is the most common reason couples split up.

The best step cohabiting couples can take to increase their odds of a serious monogomous relationship that grows into a lifelong marriage is to move apart. Moving apart offers a new beginning, because living independently provides couples with an opportunity to see marriage as a decisive new beginning. I believe it's a chance for them to take a fresh look at each other. Living apart will be a different experience from living together and will help these two jokers deal with problems that arose in the relationship before a full marital commitment was made.

It also solves a lot of problems. Arguments over money, particularly over what is a fair share for each to contribute towards rent, utilities, and groceries won't be as frequent. I think this is a path to new self respect as well as respect for her future spouse (if they make it)

By living separately, the relationship will be a healthier one.

I also believe it offers time and space to examine attitudes and patterns. It's very difficult for a premarital couple to learn and practice communication and problem solving skills when they're sexually bonded. I say this because when two jokers start living together, and they're in conflict, they often turn to sex to restore emotional intimacy. What this does is it becomes a pattern and it leaves rational issues unresolved. I believe the closeness that comes with physical intimacy can sometimes be shallow and temporary, because it evaporates when the next argument starts up over the SAME issue. With this, problems remain unaddressed, and the couple grows increasingly frustrated with their pattern of unresolved issues. If they develop healthy communication skills, they're able to grow closer to understanding one another.