First time writing a rec...

[AnchorAlumna]

Ask for a grade transcript, even an unofficial one. And don't forget to ask for parents' names, addresses, if they are members of GLOs...and what they do for a living! Also any other GLO relatives. And I also ask the roommate's name...you never know, it might come in handy.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Ask the mother to have the young lady contact you directly so you can get more information. This is a good time for the daughter to start getting used to dealing with adults on a regular basis.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

And don't forget to ask for parents' names, addresses, if they are members of GLOs...and what they do for a living! And I also ask the roommate's name...you never know, it might come in handy.

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

True that. I didn't even know who my freshman year roommate was until the weekend before school started.

Aside from sheer curiosity, I still feel that asking what your parents' occupations are is kinda creepy and I roll my eyes at Panhellenic applications who still ask for that.

[breathesgelatin]

Thanks for the advice guys! Feel free to keep it coming!

[Thetagirl218]

I am in the same case! I have been asked to write two recs as of yet, and both are women I know, but I don't the little details like grades and stuff.

I really don't know how to approach to subject without seeming rude!

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house). A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.
Also, if the parents went to college, ask where.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

Oh! That's right...Mommy and Daddy pay for everything! And appearances are always as they seem! A friend of mine's mom is a high school English teacher and her dad is a retired cop. My dad is a scientist at NASA and my mom owns her own Physical Therapy practice. One might assume based on the job titles that my family has more disposable income, but I can assure you the opposite is true.
ETA: Said friend joined a "good" chapter at an SEC school.

Please, do you mean to tell me that this question is actually asked to see "if they can pay dues" and not as a measure of who would fit in based on how rich of a family they come from? I don't buy that excuse. Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get.

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.

My experience is from a campus with a serious lack of housing problem, but I'm pretty sure the universal deadline to send in your acceptance and deposit is May 1 (unless you're doing early decision). I think I've read on some threads on GC some chapters on certain campuses like to have recs by June. My school didn't send out roommate assignments until mid August (2 weeks before move-in). Even if you request to live with someone, there's no guarantee you'll get matched with them. So unless the school guarantees requests and sends out assignments early, how could they know?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get.

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I think the "what the parents do for a living" topic varies from campus to campus. I haven't heard it mentioned outloud in a rec session unless it is noted because mom or dad is someone that they might know like the head football coach's daughter, the head of the Komen Foundation, big alum, etc. But that may not be the case elsewhere, nor does it make it wrong.

If mom and/or dad are so notable, then why would you have to ask?

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Haven't you ever been introduced to someone or been told about someone( for a job, date, etc) and had lots of seemingly random info at your disposal? "I want you to meet Ted. He works with my friend at XYZ and lives about two blocks from XYZ" It is a way to identify someone, not necessarily label him.

I think there are plenty of ways to identify a person without mentioning what mom and dad do for a living.

Originally Posted by gee_ess

In either case, I have to say (AGAIN) that recruitment tactics and what chapters use for membership selection is often unique to that campus or type of recruitment. It is not very sisterly to be hypercritical of other's process ( quote "If that's how you choose your sisters,you get what you deserve") The OP just wanted some help from alums who write recs like she needs to write.

First of all, my comment was not directed toward the OP, but AnchorAlumna and anyone else who asks for parents' occupations when writing recs.

Second, if you read my post, I prefaced the comment you misquoted by saying, "Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want..." I wasn't saying that it should be against the policy of campus Panhellenics or HQs to ask for and include parents' occupations (not like you could regulate the content of recs even if you wanted to), but merely, if that's how they want to choose their sisters, they'll get what is coming to them.

If you want to emphasize a PNM's ability to pay dues, you might mention whether she had a job in high school, if she is a financially responsible person, has she been saving up to pay dues, etc. or just flat out, "I know she will be able to pay dues." Plus, there are other cues that would indicate that a family is wealthy, if that's all you care about, like frequent world travel, having a debutante ball, owning a horse, etc. Mommy and Daddy's occupations do not necessarily indicate disposable income and it involves making A LOT of assumptions (that mom and dad are paying for dues).

Originally Posted by gee_ess

And yes, at some universities, freshmen know their roommates in the spring, they make room selections by the end of May...definitely.

Good to know. Said universities should talk to Maryland about expediting the roommate-matching process.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

In theory, this seems like a good indicator of whether someone would be able to afford to be in sorority. It's oddly not always the case. The girls in my chapter who had the biggest issues with paying dues were girls who didn't work and whose dads made six-figure salaries. Then there were girls whose dads were blue-collar workers who paid everything on time consistently.