First time writing a rec...
 

So I have a question for the older alums out there who write recommendations regularly.

I've been asked for the first time to write a recommendation for a young woman. It's no one I know personally - a friend of a friend kind of situation. I have no hesitations writing this person a rec, as she sounds like a great candidate and I know at the school she's going to she will definitely need recs for every org and doesn't yet have one for mine. I'm happy to do a favor. But...

When you're contacted by a parent and asked to write a rec, what kind of information do you need to ask for? It's sort of an awkward situation but obviously I need enough info on the girl to write a rec. I don't know how much her mother knows about recruitment (just got an email saying "I still desperately need recs for XYZ and ABC") so I don't know exactly how to phrase my response to the parent.

Feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable with that.

I would ask for the girl's resume to be followed up with an interview if necessary especially if you don't know the girl.



I have written many recommendations for Kappa and Carnegie Mellon. I would never write a Carnegie Mellon reference without an interview and resume, no matter how well I know the applicant. I have even written character references for 2 neighbor boys going before their Eagle Scout Boards of Review. Even though I have known both boys for years and knew what they did for ECs and jobs, the resume helped me tie everything together. Even though these are all different types of recommendations, the principle is the same. When asked by my son's Scoutmaster, I will serve on the troop Boards of Review to interview the Scouts striving for their next rank.

If the girl is too far away to meet up for coffee/ice cream/lunch somewhere, I'd want to talk to her on the phone.

The first time is always the hardest! ;)

I don't know what's on your rec sheets, but I always start out the interview (in person or telephone) by saying that you're going to ask some embarrassing questions, and that the more honest they are about answering them, the easier it will be. I've even asked for a resume, much like KSUViolet, and told the ladies what you need to know.

I always ask for a resume and a picture (which I send with the rec). It would not be unusual at all to, at least, talk with her on the phone. I would just "chat" with her to get to know her better. It would be an opportunity to find out why she chose to go to that college, why she is going Greek, what dorm, etc. In a way, it will be a dry run for opening round of rush! If you can get to know her a little bit on the phone, it will be easier to make her rec more personal.

As stated earlier, the first few are the hardest!

agree with what everyone has said so far.after you have read her resume, try to meet her for a coffee if you can, or speak with her on the phone.

Ask for a grade transcript, even an unofficial one. And don't forget to ask for parents' names, addresses, if they are members of GLOs...and what they do for a living! Also any other GLO relatives. And I also ask the roommate's name...you never know, it might come in handy.

Ask the mother to have the young lady contact you directly so you can get more information. This is a good time for the daughter to start getting used to dealing with adults on a regular basis.

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

The advice everyone has given is excellent. Respond to the parent saying you will be happy to write a recommendation, but you would like to meet the daughter first. Ask her to bring a resume and picture.

Try to keep in mind that you are doing your sorority a favor. Be specific in your letter - saying she is sweet and involved will do nothing for her or them. Give details so they will be able to connect her with a sister who has similar interests. Depending on the school, a picture can be very helpful, and they are often not allowed to directly ask for one.

True that. I didn't even know who my freshman year roommate was until the weekend before school started.

Aside from sheer curiosity, I still feel that asking what your parents' occupations are is kinda creepy and I roll my eyes at Panhellenic applications who still ask for that. :rolleyes:

Thanks for the advice guys! Feel free to keep it coming!

I am in the same case! I have been asked to write two recs as of yet, and both are women I know, but I don't the little details like grades and stuff.

I really don't know how to approach to subject without seeming rude!

Just like the many discussions on competitive rush elsewhere on GC, the recs (and what is included or not included) varies based on where the rec is going. The OP says that recs are very important for her pnm so this info is pertinent.

Many many pnm's at campuses like Texas, Arkansas, Alabama know their roommates early in the spring - if they choose to select a roommate. If they go "potluck" they still know who they are rooming with by May.

With regards to knowing the "extra" info, this is another way to help actives identify the pnm. During rec sessions (which can be grueling and long at campuses where 800+ girls go through) mentioning who the name of her roommate, or what dorm she lives in, etc is helpful.

Working to make your rec standout amid the sea of other recs, thus helping your pnm stand out amid the sea of pnm's is often just as important as what the pnm's do themselves. Sorry, it's a fact.

I have been known to draw keys and fleur de lis all around the border of my recs to get their attention!