Truth and your relationship

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

How long in a relationship do you think people should be in before certain layers of thier life they reveal to thier partner?

Do you think that no matter what, there are still certain aspects of one's life that should never be revealed?

Can you think of anytime that you or someone close to you revealed something to a mate that either potentially could have or did truly damage a relationship? What was the circumstance? Should they have waited longer or never said anything?

I want to know upfront, because that will determine if we're compatible with each other. I think it's a form of deception when you're not upfront with the person you want to start a long term relationship with. One of the most important things that you can do in a dating relationship that is getting anywhere near serious is to be honest. If she's not upfront with me, then I would consider that lying. I think there are two types of liars. First there are liars who lie out of shame, guilt, fear of conflict or loss of love, and other fears. These are the jokers who lie when it would be a lot easier to be upfront and tell the truth. A lot of times people want to be upfront, but for one reason or another, can't pull it off. They fear they will lose the other person. The second category are liars who lie as a way of operating and deceive others for their own selfish ends. At this point there is no fear of defensiveness involved, just plain old lying for love of self.

I believe truthfulness and being upfront in relationships is the basis for almost everything. If she isn't upfront with me, I consider it to be deception and I have an absolute zero tolerance policy when it comes to a woman not being upfront and honest with me, especially when I've been upfront and honest with her.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I want to know upfront, because that will determine if we're compatible with each other. I think it's a form of deception when you're not upfront with the person you want to start a long term relationship with. One of the most important things that you can do in a dating relationship that is getting anywhere near serious is to be honest. If she's not upfront with me, then I would consider that lying. I think there are two types of liars. First there are liars who lie out of shame, guilt, fear of conflict or loss of love, and other fears. These are the jokers who lie when it would be a lot easier to be upfront and tell the truth. A lot of times people want to be upfront, but for one reason or another, can't pull it off. They fear they will lose the other person. The second category are liars who lie as a way of operating and deceive others for their own selfish ends. At this point there is no fear of defensiveness involved, just plain old lying for love of self.

I believe truthfulness and being upfront in relationships is the basis for almost everything. If she isn't upfront with me, I consider it to be deception and I have an absolute zero tolerance policy when it comes to a woman not being upfront and honest with me, especially when I've been upfront and honest with her.

Funny how peopel say that and then the moment they learn somehting that skews our view of what we may perceive as someone compatible or 'perfect' and we are running for high ground...kinda makes watching Moment of Truth so painful to watch hmmm?

[Coramoor]

Ignorance is bliss. Everyone has a past, who are you to judge someone's life before you met?

While past behavior is a good indicator for how a person will act in the future, everyone makes mistakes and learns from them.

Granted, an example like texas*p is outside the range of acceptability.

[Cardinal026]

I only care about your past if it will, in any way, affect my future, or our relationship together.

Although I guess its easy for me to say, since I'm engaged to a man I've been dating for 7.5 years, since we were 16. But I'm pretty sure that's how I'd feel regardless.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Funny how peopel say that and then the moment they learn somehting that skews our view of what we may perceive as someone compatible or 'perfect' and we are running for high ground...kinda makes watching Moment of Truth so painful to watch hmmm?

I think this is true for people who haven't learned from their past relationships, but I've learned from mine. I know what I want, and what I don't want in a woman. Like I was saying in another thread, I think it's important to set a boundary with your past, that is, to deal with your old dating patterns as something that you're not destined to continue. I think your past can be your best friend or worst enemy in terms of helping you develop the right sort of dating relationships. Of course, no one enters the dating world competent and ready to go. You may come from a good family and relational background, or you may be a very well-rounded person. I think these are certainly advantages. But even given these advantages, the specific arena of dating, like any other relational undertaking, has to be experienced through hours and hours of trial and error. When I posted my earlier post I meant what I said and I said what I meant, based on past relationships with the wrong women. I think these past relationships can provide a great deal of necessary information on what to do and what to avoid in dating, either through the satisfaction of doing it right, or the pain of doing it wrong. The women I've dated in my past, I wouldn't give the time of day to now. I tolerated more back then. Now, there are certain things that I won't tolerate. There's no such thing as the perfect woman. But for me, when boundaries are set in place, they just keep out the wrong women. My reason for a zero tolerance policy.

[James]

I generally found that women want men to be completely honest upfront . . . so they can figure out how much to tell us about themselves.