Truth and your relationship

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

How long in a relationship do you think people should be in before certain layers of thier life they reveal to thier partner?

Do you think that no matter what, there are still certain aspects of one's life that should never be revealed?

I think the question is too broad as currently posed.

I mean, think about it like this - most people would say that it's completely fine to omit or neglect to mention to your partner the time you blew the bassist in Foreigner when you got drunk backstage. Most guys wouldn't want to know. Almost everyone would agree that it shouldn't really have any bearing on the current relationship.

Most people would say they do want to know if you performed sex acts for drug money. However, this has questionable bearing on the current relationship (depending on the situation) - and there's a good chance the prejudicial character of the revelation would far outweigh its "value" (to loosely steal from our lawyerly friends).

That's why I say it's too broad - as posed, each and every side of the discussion appears "right." You can certainly be "too honest" to the extent that an honest explanation of your past can have disastrous effects on present relationships, when simply ignoring the past would have allowed things to continue on. Youthful indiscretions shouldn't be held against otherwise-mature adults who have their shit together. Partners should definitely feel entitled to honestly and openness. Relationships often benefit from openness, but are also often damaged by revelations that are unnecessary (however, often this is a good thing too - think about it).

I can tell you that, in my case, my relationship with my current girlfriend is very open and honest in most ways, but I have no desire to rehash the past if it doesn't matter today - whether it's my past or her past. It's not like either of us have been in jail or accidentally ran over the guy in the raincoat last summer, so maybe it's easy for me to say that, but I just don't think the overwhelming majority of what you do at 19 is that important to an adult relationship at 25.