Friends who disappear when they find a boyfriend/girlfriend - Page 3

Munchkin03 · #31 03-11-2008, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I agree here. A woman spending time with her girlfriends is fine by me, it just all depends on where they're spending their time together.

See, most people understand that people in serious relationships (ie, headed towards cohabitation/engagement) aren't really hitting the bars every weekend--nor should they be. I really think what most of us are talking about are the people who can't (or won't) even have coffee with friends when they are in a relationship, regardless of how serious it is.

AGDee · #32 03-11-2008, 06:37 PM

My 14 year old daughter and a group of her friends confronted a friend the other day on this. This gal (we'll call her Sue) is the first in the group to have a real boyfriend and they have been dating for 6 months. At the lunch table, Sue said to the rest of the group "You guys do everything without me now, why don't you ask me to do stuff?" The group pointed out that they invite her to everything but she is always busy with her boyfriend or brings him along. The one thing she has attended without him was my daughter's slumber party but she spent the whole night on the phone with him or texting him. My daughter asked Sue to go to the movies and guess what? The BF came along too. So now Sue is really angry at all the other girls and won't speak to them.

I expect that from 14 year olds.. but not from adults. Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

Jimmy Choo · #33 03-11-2008, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KonfidentOne

But in a healthy relationship, isn't your significant other supposed to be your friend too? Your friends are obviously not in a healthy relationship if she's cheating. This may only be my opinion, but I think you need to be able to truly call someone your friend before you try to establish a serious relationship with them. People who are your friends have your best interest at heart, which is something I know that I would want from a person that I'm in a relationship with...

You get no arguement from me on the fact that your SO needs to be your friend too. I've been with my SO for 8+ years consider him one of my best friends. However, when we first got together I fell into the trap! The trap of being stuck so far up his ass I forgot what sunlight and fresh air were!! The trap of ignoring my friends and never doing anything without him or even bringing him along!!!

Now I can sit back and realize that was stupid. We fought alot and it's b/c we never spent a minute apart. And that made our relationship highly unhealthy. So now we have our time together and I have my activities that are just for me. I even take a vacation a couple times a year that are seperate just to be able to kick it with the girls.

I guess my rant is that the situation that I spoke of is that my friend is still in that honeymoon stuck-up-the-ass phase. I don't think I'm as bothered by that as the fact that the girl that he has decided to ignore everyone for is a whore. Although I don't know how he could touch her again after know she had been with another guy. But that's what sets me off about the whole thing. It's one thing to be in the lovey-dovey phase but to be in that phase with someone who could give you the clap..... it's just too much for me to understand.

Jimmy Choo · #34 03-11-2008, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

Sorry for the double post but I thought this was so wonderful that it needed to be quoted seperately!!

jojapeach · #35 03-11-2008, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

I expect that from 14 year olds.. but not from adults. Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

Exactly. I forgot about my friends when I was in relationships at 17 and even 19, but at some point, I did call my girls to check in a few times. However, this behavior from my then 26 y/o former best friend drove me and the majority of her close girlfriends. Sadly, in the end, their relationship ended after 2 years.

Adults should be able to recognize a happy medium between spending quality time with the SO and connecting with friends. Whether it's phone calls, text messages, or even Myspace/Facebook. Being completely consumed by the SO or friends isn't healthy... unless those friends are a bad influence that need to be cut anyway. (That didn't fit my situation since she eventually reached out to her forgotten friends after the breakup.)

cheerfulgreek · #36 03-12-2008, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

I guess my rant is that the situation that I spoke of is that my friend is still in that honeymoon stuck-up-the-ass phase.

OH. MY. GAWD! lol lol I'm gonna be laughing at this phrase for a long, long time.

Munchkin03 · #37 03-12-2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

My 14 year old daughter and a group of her friends confronted a friend the other day on this. This gal (we'll call her Sue) is the first in the group to have a real boyfriend and they have been dating for 6 months. At the lunch table, Sue said to the rest of the group "You guys do everything without me now, why don't you ask me to do stuff?" The group pointed out that they invite her to everything but she is always busy with her boyfriend or brings him along. The one thing she has attended without him was my daughter's slumber party but she spent the whole night on the phone with him or texting him. My daughter asked Sue to go to the movies and guess what? The BF came along too. So now Sue is really angry at all the other girls and won't speak to them.

Ummm, wow. 14 years old! She's setting a terrible precedent for the rest of her relationships! And where is the girl's mother in all of this?

DSTCHAOS · #38 03-12-2008, 02:42 PM

I don't think 14 yo is old enough to be spending a lot of time hanging or talking with boyfriends. What can they possibly being doing an saying that makes a child so consumed with a boyfriend? Studying together? Watching movies?

AGDee · #39 03-12-2008, 03:18 PM

The girl's mother thought, when this "relationship" started that it would last a week, two, maybe a month, like most first boyfriend/girlfriend gigs do. She's kinda freaking out now that it's been 6 months and the kid is practically living at her house. However, I think she's kind of glad they are always at HER house so she can keep an eye on them. She's generally a pretty cautious mom but she was hoping for a quick crash and burn, but the burn hasn't happened yet. And yeah, they watch TV, study, listen to music, go to movies, ice skating, etc... and when they aren't with each other, they are texting or on the phone.

I guess I'm sort of proud that my daughter confronted it, even though it's tense right now (because everyone is in a huge fight). At her age, I wouldn't have confronted it, I just would've talked about the girl behind her back, so I think my girlie is more assertive than I was at that age.

DSTCHAOS · #40 03-12-2008, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

The girl's mother thought, when this "relationship" started that it would last a week, two, maybe a month, like most first boyfriend/girlfriend gigs do. She's kinda freaking out now that it's been 6 months and the kid is practically living at her house. However, I think she's kind of glad they are always at HER house so she can keep an eye on them. She's generally a pretty cautious mom but she was hoping for a quick crash and burn, but the burn hasn't happened yet. And yeah, they watch TV, study, listen to music, go to movies, ice skating, etc... and when they aren't with each other, they are texting or on the phone.

Good thing they are studying and having fun but all of that is a lot for a "14 yo romantic relationship." Seems too intense.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned like my parents were.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

I guess I'm sort of proud that my daughter confronted it, even though it's tense right now (because everyone is in a huge fight). At her age, I wouldn't have confronted it, I just would've talked about the girl behind her back, so I think my girlie is more assertive than I was at that age.

At her age, the girls who were doing what this 14 yo is doing were the "fast asses" and I wasn't allowed to have "fast ass" friends.

I'm glad your daughter confronted her and didn't talk behind her back. Maybe her friend will snap out of it. I hope this situation doesn't end tragically. It seems pretty intense and these are children.

Munchkin03 · #41 03-12-2008, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

The girl's mother thought, when this "relationship" started that it would last a week, two, maybe a month, like most first boyfriend/girlfriend gigs do. She's kinda freaking out now that it's been 6 months and the kid is practically living at her house. However, I think she's kind of glad they are always at HER house so she can keep an eye on them. She's generally a pretty cautious mom but she was hoping for a quick crash and burn, but the burn hasn't happened yet. And yeah, they watch TV, study, listen to music, go to movies, ice skating, etc... and when they aren't with each other, they are texting or on the phone.

I guess I'm sort of proud that my daughter confronted it, even though it's tense right now (because everyone is in a huge fight). At her age, I wouldn't have confronted it, I just would've talked about the girl behind her back, so I think my girlie is more assertive than I was at that age.

Moms had better step in right away. The best thing she can do is encourage--if not downright enforce--her daughter to maintain her relationships with her girlfriends. 14 is way way too young to be joined at the hip like that.

It is really good that your daughter confronted it. It won't be tense for long--they're 14, and memories are short at that age.

Jimmy Choo · #42 03-12-2008, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

OH. MY. GAWD! lol lol I'm gonna be laughing at this phrase for a long, long time.

Glad I could oblige!

PrettyBoy · #43 03-12-2008, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

See, most people understand that people in serious relationships (ie, headed towards cohabitation/engagement) aren't really hitting the bars every weekend--nor should they be. I really think what most of us are talking about are the people who can't (or won't) even have coffee with friends when they are in a relationship, regardless of how serious it is.

I really don't think cohabitation/engagement is the issue for me. Even right off the bat, early on in a relationship for me, it still depends on where she's hanging out, and what she considers to be "her girls".

I don't see anything wrong with coffee. Coffee is cool. Clubs and bars are not, and if she has friends that hang out at places like these, that's o.k., as long as she's not hanging out at those places. Also, she's gotta be who she is. My thing is this, don't just not go to clubs/bars with trifling friends just to please me, because now our relationship is built on a lie. She can be who she is. If she wants to go to clubs/bars, so be it, that just means I would have to let her go. That's all.

PrettyBoy · #44 03-12-2008, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KonfidentOne

But in a healthy relationship, isn't your significant other supposed to be your BEST friend? Your friends are obviously not in a healthy relationship if she's cheating. This may only be my opinion, but I think you need to be able to truly call someone your friend before you try to establish a serious relationship with them. People who are your friends have your best interest at heart, which is something I know that I would want from a person that I'm in a relationship with...

You and I are -------------->HERE<-------------------

I added a little somethin' to what you said.

33girl · #45 03-13-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

The girl's mother thought, when this "relationship" started that it would last a week, two, maybe a month, like most first boyfriend/girlfriend gigs do. She's kinda freaking out now that it's been 6 months and the kid is practically living at her house.

I guess mom never saw/read "Endless Love." She might want to invest in some additional fire extinguishers for her home...