New Sister with a Chapter Problem

beautifulnite12 · #1 02-25-2008, 10:21 PM

Hi all - Thank you very much for all your advice! In regards to me, I was initiated last fall in our new member class of 12. Our chapter is between 50 and 60 women including the women who initiated last semester. We just had informal recruitment and now have 8 new women pledging.

My chapter is apparently not the typical chapter - we have no alumnae advisor and our only advisor on the local level is our Greek Advisor, who believe it or not is not very pro-Greek. I spoke with my Big and several other sisters who have spoken up against hazing in the past. It didn't go well for them and all that happened was that everyone got really angry and began to fight. We think that one of the reasons for that is that no one really proposed any concrete solutions for how to make all the changes while at the same time protecting chapter traditions. There is no life-threatening hazing going on (at least not unless something goes horribly wrong) - just things that are outside of our national new member program and that are not fun - actually that just plain suck for those forced to do them. (I'd rather not publicly elaborate, if that's okay.)

My new member class and I are going to bring this up at our next chapter meeting. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to present it so that it doesn't seem like we're trying to take over and so that the older sisters might be more receptive to our ideas? We want to take a stand, but also don't want to make threats that we can't/won't follow through with.

nittanyalum · #2 02-25-2008, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifulnite12

My new member class and I are going to bring this up at our next chapter meeting. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to present it so that it doesn't seem like we're trying to take over and so that the older sisters might be more receptive to our ideas? We want to take a stand, but also don't want to make threats that we can't/won't follow through with.

The 12 of you stand up in front of chapter and say, "Hey, there, sisters, listen: we went through the pledge process the way you wanted us to and frankly, we thought it sucked and didn't like it [or insert specific examples here] and don't want it to continue with this great new class of 8 girls or any classes in the future. We know it was done to you and you felt like you should do it to us, but we want you to know that it stops with our class. We are very proud of our letters and this chapter, but these are not traditions we're proud of or that we want to be associated with. So we will not be perpetuating these things on this new class nor will we support you in doing so. In fact, we hope to create lots of great new traditions for the pledge period and [are having a committee meeting/are planning to go to the next committee meeting] and look forward to helping these women have a phenomenal new pledge experience with our chapter. We hope as many sisters as possible will attend this meeting/will support building more sisterly pledge practices and truly live within the ideals of our founders [or insert something more touchy from your ritual or purpose here]. Thanks and hope to see you at the meeting on [day] at [time]!"

Then file back to your seats. Strength in numbers. Strength in purpose. Strength in character. Stand up to the bullies, it's what they hate the most. Treat the pledges the way you wish you'd been treated and let them know they shouldn't be made to feel "less than" by anyone that purports to call them "sister".

AGDee · #3 02-26-2008, 12:02 AM

I agree with what nittanyalum said. In addition, get the support of your Big and the other sisters who have spoken up against it before. The more of you, the better. Also, you can see if there is a way to preserve some of the tradition without the hazing. An example from years ago: One sorority did a ceremony where they each dropped a rose petal into a river. All of the members had done this. The problem? They did it in the middle of the night, rain or snow, and transported the new members while they were blindfolded. The solution? Do the ceremony, but tell the new members where they are going and do it during the daytime during good weather and don't blindfold them. They were able to turn a hazing tradition into a pretty ceremony that everybody treasured.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

The 12 of you stand up in front of chapter and say, "Hey, there, sisters, listen: we went through the pledge process the way you wanted us to and frankly, we thought it sucked and didn't like it [or insert specific examples here] and don't want it to continue with this great new class of 8 girls or any classes in the future. We know it was done to you and you felt like you should do it to us, but we want you to know that it stops with our class. We are very proud of our letters and this chapter, but these are not traditions we're proud of or that we want to be associated with. So we will not be perpetuating these things on this new class nor will we support you in doing so. In fact, we hope to create lots of great new traditions for the pledge period and [are having a committee meeting/are planning to go to the next committee meeting] and look forward to helping these women have a phenomenal new pledge experience with our chapter. We hope as many sisters as possible will attend this meeting/will support building more sisterly pledge practices and truly live within the ideals of our founders [or insert something more touchy from your ritual or purpose here]. Thanks and hope to see you at the meeting on [day] at [time]!"

Then file back to your seats. Strength in numbers. Strength in purpose. Strength in character. Stand up to the bullies, it's what they hate the most. Treat the pledges the way you wish you'd been treated and let them know they shouldn't be made to feel "less than" by anyone that purports to call them "sister".

SthrnZeta · #4 02-26-2008, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

The 12 of you stand up in front of chapter and say, "Hey, there, sisters, listen: we went through the pledge process the way you wanted us to and frankly, we thought it sucked and didn't like it [or insert specific examples here] and don't want it to continue with this great new class of 8 girls or any classes in the future. We know it was done to you and you felt like you should do it to us, but we want you to know that it stops with our class. We are very proud of our letters and this chapter, but these are not traditions we're proud of or that we want to be associated with. So we will not be perpetuating these things on this new class nor will we support you in doing so. In fact, we hope to create lots of great new traditions for the pledge period and [are having a committee meeting/are planning to go to the next committee meeting] and look forward to helping these women have a phenomenal new pledge experience with our chapter. We hope as many sisters as possible will attend this meeting/will support building more sisterly pledge practices and truly live within the ideals of our founders [or insert something more touchy from your ritual or purpose here]. Thanks and hope to see you at the meeting on [day] at [time]!"

Then file back to your seats. Strength in numbers. Strength in purpose. Strength in character. Stand up to the bullies, it's what they hate the most. Treat the pledges the way you wish you'd been treated and let them know they shouldn't be made to feel "less than" by anyone that purports to call them "sister".

Well-said and very good advice. Best of luck to the OP and I look forward to hearing how it goes...

ComradesTrue · #5 02-26-2008, 06:30 AM

Great advice above.

I would add that you do have some strength in numbers already. With the 12 in your class, plus the 8 new members this semester, by next fall there will be 20 of you. With 50-60 currently in the house, once you factor in graduating seniors, the 20 of you should easily be half of the actives by next semester.

So, definitely take the above advice, but most of all do not get discouraged if some of the current seniors put up resistance. They won't be around much longer, and the complete change that you want to see may take more than one semester. But stick together... it can happen, and by the fall pledge calss things will be even easier numbers-wise.

FSUZeta · #6 02-26-2008, 09:03 AM

plus the op said that her big sister and some others were also against the hazing. nittanylion's advice and agdee's was really good and i hope that you will give that a try. in addition, your new members can show they have backbones by not allowing themselves to be hazed.as nancy reagan says,"just say no!" if all else fails, talk to someone at your headquarters. this needs to stop-good for you and your friends for realizing this!

LegallyBrunette · #7 02-26-2008, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

It's not hard to change the chapter unless it's more than 200 people.

Completely not true. It can be difficult to change ingrained practices no matter the chapter size. But, it is not impossible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifulnite12

We think that one of the reasons for that is that no one really proposed any concrete solutions for how to make all the changes while at the same time protecting chapter traditions. There is no life-threatening hazing going on (at least not unless something goes horribly wrong) - just things that are outside of our national new member program and that are not fun - actually that just plain suck for those forced to do them. (I'd rather not publicly elaborate, if that's okay.)

IMHO, the bolded is going to be very difficult. Finding a middle ground that incorporates negative traditions will be extremely hard. The pro-hazing sisters may see any change as watering down "their" pledge program and your national office will see any shades of hazing on top of the new member program as unnacceptable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Great advice above.

I would add that you do have some strength in numbers already. With the 12 in your class, plus the 8 new members this semester, by next fall there will be 20 of you. With 50-60 currently in the house, once you factor in graduating seniors, the 20 of you should easily be half of the actives by next semester.

So, definitely take the above advice, but most of all do not get discouraged if some of the current seniors put up resistance. They won't be around much longer, and the complete change that you want to see may take more than one semester. But stick together... it can happen, and by the fall pledge calss things will be even easier numbers-wise.

Co-sign. My best wishes on this. This is not an easy road you're on, but it is so worth it.

KSUViolet06 · #8 02-26-2008, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifulnite12

There is no life-threatening hazing going on (at least not unless something goes horribly wrong).

This is the key thing with hazing, members think it really is "just harmless fun" until something goes wrong and then your chapter gets into REAL trouble.

You have to be firm with this and ALL of you who feel that way need to stand up against it. Any animosity you feel from the older girls is nothing compared to what will happen if something does go wrong with one o the hazing events, or your HQ discovers that there's hazing going on.

Good luck to you.