Pregnant and in a sorority

[violetpretty]

So many posters have given her solid advice.
We explained the differences between withdrawing and early alumna status. We told her that her the implications of withdrawing.
We told her that her chapter's EC and the seniors do not have the final say in her membership status.
We've told her that it probably won't be much of a fight if she would just make one phone call to an advisor, who most certainly has the power to let her go early alum without paying this semester's dues.
The OP initially wanted to know how to tell her chapter, and stated that she "loves ZTA and still wants to be involved with ZTA" and then a couple of pages/days later her "priorities are changing so much", but someone who ignores such solid advice, without even attempting to call an advisor is a troll in my book.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

So many posters have given her solid advice.
We explained the differences between withdrawing and early alumna status. We told her that her the implications of withdrawing.
We told her that her chapter's EC and the seniors do not have the final say in her membership status.
We've told her that it probably won't be much of a fight if she would just make one phone call to an advisor, who most certainly has the power to let her go early alum without paying this semester's dues.
The OP initially wanted to know how to tell her chapter, and stated that she "loves ZTA and still wants to be involved with ZTA" and then a couple of pages/days later her "priorities are changing so much", but someone who ignores such solid advice, without even attempting to call an advisor is a troll in my book.

Who is to say she's ignoring it. Not following it isn't the same.

I don't think she's a troll at all.

[SWTXBelle]

I don't think she's a definite troll - but I do think "ignore" is a good word to use. She acts as if the advice she has received (especially from fellow ZTAs) wasn't even posted - her response is to talk about what her chapter sisters have said and feel, even though it has been spelled out to her that they are not the final authority.
I also do think it fair to say that everyone has made it clear that OF COURSE ZTA is a lower priority than her upcoming marriage and child - but the reality is that if she drops, that's it, cupcake. Years from now, when her child is older and she is in a position to be an active alumna, she will not have that option. If you love something - ANYTHING - you will not let it go without a fight. Hence my perhaps harsh "so-called love" statement. I don't want her to throw away something so valuable without realizing that is what she is doing. I think it has been made clear to her that 1.) early alum IS AN OPTION if she is willing to make a few phone calls and that 2.) if she drops, that is it. She will no longer be a ZTA. That's all we can do - tell her the realities and let her make her own, adult choice.
I honestly hope her actions, whatever they are, will ultimately make her happy, and wish her the best of luck with the rest of her life.

[SWTXBelle]

TROLL!
(waiting for a chance to use that picture, lol)

[ztaberry28]

How most of ya'll reacted initially was really helpful but Im not just gonna do what ya'll tell me because you think its best for me. I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta and the decision I have made I might one day regret and I understand that. However it is not your place to tell me what my priorities should be. I have have other sources of advice from my family, my big, my friends and my fiance and I have also had to weigh that advice too. Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

By choosing to disaffiliate instead of going early alum, you DID give up your sisterhood.


But good for you for putting the baby first.

[honeychile]

Ladies, she's made her decision. Whether or not any of us agree with it, it's time to let it go. Maybe somebody else will do a search for this very question, and decide differently.

Either way, I respectfully ask that this thread be closed.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

How most of ya'll reacted initially was really helpful but Im not just gonna do what ya'll tell me because you think its best for me. I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta and the decision I have made I might one day regret and I understand that. However it is not your place to tell me what my priorities should be. I have have other sources of advice from my family, my big, my friends and my fiance and I have also had to weigh that advice too. Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

"I love Zeta, my priorities have changed, I have time to write on a message board, but I don't have time to make a phone call." Your loss.

[Zeta13Girl]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

early alum status is probably best for me and our baby. Im staying in school to finish my degree with the help of my family and since he will be graduate he'll be working and honestly I wont have much time for socials and recruitment, but i want to stay involved in the sisterhood.

Maybe I'm going blind or something...


Your right we don't know who you are, but remember you came to us ... you asked OUR opinion.

PS- For someone who loves her sorority so much you do talk bad about them enough.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta

Not really. You had all the time you wanted, really. You could've taken sometime. It takes quite awhile to process the paperwork in many instances, so it's not like your chapter could've even done anything to you right away.

And, as was said, all you had to do was make a telephone call. You chose not to even explore that option, so most of us can have little sympathy for your position.

You made what choice you felt was right, good for you. But I can't muster any sympathy.

[SWTXBelle]

Did I miss something? Didn't YOU come here and ASK for advice? If the advice you have received from family and friends is enough, why even post here? Having done so, you can't then say "Don't give me advice! Don't judge!" without look really stupid. You asked for it, you got it - how about acting like a grown-up instead of a petulant child about it? If you think you are doing the right thing, that should be enough. Don't look for validation from the internet. Just do it.

I think what is annoying here are your continued attempts to have your cake and eat it too - to have us slop sugar on you and cry "Oh poor you" while you throw away the very thing you say you love. Most of us here are dedicated sorority women who have managed to juggle a variety of conflicting demands - but still include our commitment to our sorority. When we made our vows, we meant them. They weren't just words we said so we could get a letter jersey. Our creeds and symphonies are a part of who we are, not just something we thought sounded good in college but could be left behind later. I myself was married in college, and went alum. I didn't have a choice - but I continued to be active with my chapter as an alumna in college, and then once I graduated I was an advisor for another chapter. We are not just a random group of Greeks - we have in our midst outstanding women who have dealt with all kinds of issues and situations - including some very much like yours. So when we tell you that it is not necessary to drop, we know of whence we speak.

And just spare us the whole "I love my sisterhood" thing. What your chapter sisters do or do not have in the way of sisterhood is not up for discussion. Your actions regarding Zeta are. You willingly gave it up - that speaks volumes more than anything you can post here. Your mother's experience just vindicates what I thought early on - to you, ZTA was a college club, not for a lifetime. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess. If you are unhappy with the response here, stop coming. After all, you are no longer a Greek. Why come to Greekchat? Harsh, yes - but warranted.

And speaking as a mother of four who went to graduate school with a newborn - for your sanity's sake you need to make a little time for something in your life that is NOT motherhood related, or you will soon become a very unhappy, bored mombot. I know, I know, the world revolves around you, you are the only woman in the world who has ever had to juggle marriage and children and school and money issues.

[ComradesTrue]

SWTXBelle-

The sound that you hear is me applauding. Thank you for saying what I have been thinking through most of this thread.

[SthrnZeta]

We're done here. As is the OP.... I don't want a sister who doesn't want to be my sister.

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Did I miss something? Didn't YOU come here and ASK for advice? If the advice you have received from family and friends is enough, why even post here? Having done so, you can't then say "Don't give me advice! Don't judge!" without look really stupid. You asked for it, you got it - how about acting like a grown-up instead of a petulant child about it? If you think you are doing the right thing, that should be enough. Don't look for validation from the internet. Just do it.

I think what is annoying here are your continued attempts to have your cake and eat it too - to have us slop sugar on you and cry "Oh poor you" while you throw away the very thing you say you love. Most of us here are dedicated sorority women who have managed to juggle a variety of conflicting demands - but still include our commitment to our sorority. When we made our vows, we meant them. They weren't just words we said so we could get a letter jersey. Our creeds and symphonies are a part of who we are, not just something thought sounded good in college but could be left behind later. I myself was married in college, and went alum. I didn't have a choice - but I continued to be active with my chapter as an alumna in college, and then once I graduated I was an advisor for another chapter. We are not just a random group of Greeks - we have in our midst outstanding women who have dealt with all kinds of issues and situations - including some very much like yours. So when we tell you that it is not necessary to drop, we know of whence we speak.

And just spare us the whole "I love my sisterhood" thing. What your chapter sisters do or do not have in the way of sisterhood is not up for discussion. Your actions regarding Zeta are. You willingly gave it up - that speaks volumes more than anything you can post here. Your mother's experience just vindicates what I thought early on - to you, ZTA was a college club, not for a lifetime. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess. If you are unhappy with the response here, stop coming. After all, you are no longer a Greek. Why come to Greekchat? Harsh, yes - but warranted.

And speaking as a mother of four who went to graduate school with a newborn - for your sanity's sake you need to make a little time for something in your life that is NOT motherhood related, or you will soon become a very unhappy, bored mombot. I know, I know, the world revolves around you, you are the only woman in the world who has ever had to juggle marriage and children and school and money issues.

*bows to you*
Amazing post, SWTXBelle. You make so much sense. I just wish that the pregger Zeta was not so hormonal right now and could take in everything you said with a clear head. I think she would find a lot of truth in what you speak.

[LionInMI]

SWTXBelle:"for your sanity's sake you need to make a little time for something in your life that is NOT motherhood related, or you will soon become a very unhappy, bored mombot."


Hi, I just wanted to emphasize this part of a previous post -- this is very, very, very, very true. She will regret this decision in 10 years' time.