Gifts that hurt your feelings

[James]

Of course you can buy love. Don't be silly. People have been buying love for centuries through money, gifts, status, power etc.

A lot of people respond to to those things with with warmth, excitement and affection. I am not going to argue if its "true love" because most people seem to think they have true love regardless of how good or bad their relationship is.

In fact standard courtship rituals tend to involve a lot of time and expense.

Except for those that subscribe to the "Just come over" type of relationships.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Then I wonder about one's character if they think that money can "buy" love. And the question becomes at "what cost"?

Because when a one purchases certain pricey items for said another, that person owns or owes him or her... And when they say, jump, the other person has to say "how high".

Good luck, but most expensive givers have strong expectations regarding the outcome.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by James

Of course you can buy love. Don't be silly. People have been buying love for centuries through money, gifts, status, power etc.

A lot of people respond to to those things with with warmth, excitement and affection. I am not going to argue if its "true love" because most people seem to think they have true love regardless of how good or bad their relationship is.

In fact standard courtship rituals tend to involve a lot of time and expense.

Except for those that subscribe to the "Just come over" type of relationships.

A Vegas "mafia" wiseguy bought my aunt a 12 karat diamond ring and said he wants her to "be" his... NOT MARRY--because he was already married with kids, safely tucked away in another city...

My aunt said no...

Ownership is what I am talking about.

But you're right: no romance without finance is a nuisance... And it is a full contact sport, spectators are rarely allowed...

So, I am talking about "passion"...

[sageofages]

I know what I believe... Mr Sageofages is pretty hit/miss about gifts. While I *know* he loves me, seriously, I know. He is (as I tend to tease him) "gift-giving challenged or impaired".

If we are equating love=$$spent, then he succeeds. I can always count on "computer hardware" as a gift..and he gets the good stuff. But that is NOT what I want, need, can or will use. Same goes for DVDS, CD, and other electronic-found-at-best-buy, etc items. He never gives jewelry...and after so many years, I gave up the desire for it, cause I am not going to get it anyway.

If we are equating love=time.invested.in.the.best.gift.selection, then he fails. If I don't give him a gift list of my selections, then I can expect something like I received a few years ago. Back massager, foot massager, heating pad, etc. I said "what is this? The mom is falling apart Christmas?"

There is a diffference between a gift and a present. A gift is something you give the person because you know and love them and want them to have it. A present is something you present to the person whether you want to give it to them or not (they chose) or because you think they need it because they are lacking somewhere (you need a blender, so here is one).

I believe that choosing a gift involves an investment of myself and my time to understand the recipient, their life and what might expand it. That is part of the "gift"...giving that little bit of my time to make it wonderful for them. Even if it is simple and inexpensive, if I take the time to consider them in the process...it is a good thing.

That is all I want in return...the gift of you built into the process.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

But you're right: no romance without finance

That's the way it is now, and this is sad. True enough, no one wants to be with a broke joker, but at the same time to leave him because something bad happened financially is flat out wrong. A lot of women are good for doing this mess.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That's the way it is now, and this is sad. True enough, no one wants to be with a broke joker, but at the same time to leave him because something bad happened financially is flat out wrong. A lot of women are good for doing this mess.

A broke joker is starting out is one issue.

A joker who loses all your money so you cannot pay the mortgage and now is broke is another issue altogether. Especially if the money is yours.

A fella that loses his job, and slowly his finances dwindle, with careful planning, things can be handled, slowly and carefully.

But the fella who loses his job, spendthrifts his way to oblivion and the repo man as well as the collectors start calling and harassing the house, that must be dealt with swiftly.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

A broke joker is starting out is one issue.

A joker who loses all your money so you cannot pay the mortgage and now is broke is another issue altogether. Especially if the money is yours.

A fella that loses his job, and slowly his finances dwindle, with careful planning, things can be handled, slowly and carefully.

But the fella who loses his job, spendthrifts his way to oblivion and the repo man as well as the collectors start calling and harassing the house, that must be dealt with swiftly.

Starting out is one thing, but what if things don't go as planned the way the couple planned it to? Do you think it's o.k. for her to just break out and leave? A relationship is one thing but a marriage is another. It says for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and in sickness and in health, or something of that nature. AQAK it could actually just stop with for better for worse. That sums it all up. With the divorce rate being as high as it is, something is very wrong, and I think a lot of it is based on affairs and finances.

Well of course if he loses all the money, to me that sounds like he's irresponsible. When I think of someone losing money I think of gambling or something like that.

The joker that loses his job, what if things never get back to the way they used to be? Does she stay or leave? Some women will stay. It would be wrong to leave.

If he loses his job and spends freely that dude sounds irresponsible too. Who would stay with a man like that?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Starting out is one thing, but what if things don't go as planned the way the couple planned it to? Do you think it's o.k. for her to just break out and leave? A relationship is one thing but a marriage is another. It says for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and in sickness and in health, or something of that nature. AQAK it could actually just stop with for better for worse. That sums it all up. With the divorce rate being as high as it is, something is very wrong, and I think a lot of it is based on affairs and finances.

We are talking in the context of marriage. If one makes the vow for "richer or for poorer" and they leave because the man somehow loses in a business failure and tries to have subsistent level of income from a career, then I think the duty falls on the wife if she is not working and may need to make a contribution if the couple does not have children.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Well of course if he loses all the money, to me that sounds like he's irresponsible. When I think of someone losing money I think of gambling or something like that.

I know of a man that purchases cars, not flashy ones, but gottdayum dumbass stupid cars like a Blue Hawaiian Chevy Truck from 1977 with a lift gate. AND a 1980-something Fiero--El Fuego! AND a Pathfinder Truck, A 1970-something RV that looks like junk.

Let's just say the IRS has questions and is charging him more than what some people make per year.

It is enough to make his wife go insane...

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

The joker that loses his job, what if things never get back to the way they used to be? Does she stay or leave? Some women will stay. It would be wrong to leave.

If he loses his job and spends freely that dude sounds irresponsible too. Who would stay with a man like that?

For the first case, most women will take off if the man has no job in sight. I think it would be wrong if say, I were to leave, if my husband was unable to find a job in 6 months to 1 year. But, my husband is unique and has placed himself in a position that if the folks laid him off, there would be TONS of companies begging for his expertise.

There is nothing wrong with women achieving similar circumstances. Sometimes it is not like that especially when someone has children. But there are SEVERAL women here who are doing that right now.

For the second case, the spendthrift, lazy dude or dudette, who would want to stay with someone like that... Well, you'd be amazed who folks stay with...

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

We are talking in the context of marriage. If one makes the vow for "richer or for poorer" and they leave because the man somehow loses in a business failure and tries to have subsistent level of income from a career, then I think the duty falls on the wife if she is not working and may need to make a contribution if the couple does not have children.



I know of a man that purchases cars, not flashy ones, but gottdayum dumbass stupid cars like a Blue Hawaiian Chevy Truck from 1977 with a lift gate. AND a 1980-something Fiero--El Fuego! AND a Pathfinder Truck, A 1970-something RV that looks like junk.

Let's just say the IRS has questions and is charging him more than what some people make per year.

It is enough to make his wife go insane...



For the first case, most women will take off if the man has no job in sight. I think it would be wrong if say, I were to leave, if my husband was unable to find a job in 6 months to 1 year. But, my husband is unique and has placed himself in a position that if the folks laid him off, there would be TONS of companies begging for his expertise.

There is nothing wrong with women achieving similar circumstances. Sometimes it is not like that especially when someone has children. But there are SEVERAL women here who are doing that right now.

For the second case, the spendthrift, lazy dude or dudette, who would want to stay with someone like that... Well, you'd be amazed who folks stay with...

LMAO at the Fiero comment. I always hated those wanna be Ferraris. When the oil got low on those things they caught on fire.

You made some valid points, but in a marriage you're supposed to stay with your spouse. I could see if he/she was cheating, or was abusive or just flat out lazy but if he/she tries to make ends meet, I think that's wrong to throw away a good man/woman. I think the divorce rate now is 60%, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it is. That's sad. It's a different generation. Back in the day, you didn't see this kind of thing.