Gifts that hurt your feelings

[James]

I don't know. I have seen girls upset because they didn't think the guy spent enough money on them . . .

Maybe there is some optimum intersection between thought and value? A lot of thought but little financial value equals bad gift, but maybe no thought and high value also equals bad gift?

However, me thinks that if the ticket item is high enough it may erase the lack of thought . . . .

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Yeah, for the fellas, repeated first gifts are tough. There are some fellas that are clueless when it comes to gifts, especially when they lack funds. The irony is that all the woman really wants is the "gift of time" and a "shower of kisses". Or at least there are few ladies that think that way...

At least that's better than not giving ANYTHING for the days that end in "Y"!!!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by James

I don't know. I have seen girls upset because they didn't think the guy spent enough money on them . . .

Maybe there is some optimum intersection between thought and value? A lot of thought but little financial value equals bad gift, but maybe no thought and high value also equals bad gift?

However, me thinks that if the ticket item is high enough it may erase the lack of thought . . . .

Then I wonder about one's character if they think that money can "buy" love. And the question becomes at "what cost"?

Because when a one purchases certain pricey items for said another, that person owns or owes him or her... And when they say, jump, the other person has to say "how high".

Good luck, but most expensive givers have strong expectations regarding the outcome.

[James]

Of course you can buy love. Don't be silly. People have been buying love for centuries through money, gifts, status, power etc.

A lot of people respond to to those things with with warmth, excitement and affection. I am not going to argue if its "true love" because most people seem to think they have true love regardless of how good or bad their relationship is.

In fact standard courtship rituals tend to involve a lot of time and expense.

Except for those that subscribe to the "Just come over" type of relationships.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Then I wonder about one's character if they think that money can "buy" love. And the question becomes at "what cost"?

Because when a one purchases certain pricey items for said another, that person owns or owes him or her... And when they say, jump, the other person has to say "how high".

Good luck, but most expensive givers have strong expectations regarding the outcome.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by James

Of course you can buy love. Don't be silly. People have been buying love for centuries through money, gifts, status, power etc.

A lot of people respond to to those things with with warmth, excitement and affection. I am not going to argue if its "true love" because most people seem to think they have true love regardless of how good or bad their relationship is.

In fact standard courtship rituals tend to involve a lot of time and expense.

Except for those that subscribe to the "Just come over" type of relationships.

A Vegas "mafia" wiseguy bought my aunt a 12 karat diamond ring and said he wants her to "be" his... NOT MARRY--because he was already married with kids, safely tucked away in another city...

My aunt said no...

Ownership is what I am talking about.

But you're right: no romance without finance is a nuisance... And it is a full contact sport, spectators are rarely allowed...

So, I am talking about "passion"...

[sageofages]

I know what I believe... Mr Sageofages is pretty hit/miss about gifts. While I *know* he loves me, seriously, I know. He is (as I tend to tease him) "gift-giving challenged or impaired".

If we are equating love=$$spent, then he succeeds. I can always count on "computer hardware" as a gift..and he gets the good stuff. But that is NOT what I want, need, can or will use. Same goes for DVDS, CD, and other electronic-found-at-best-buy, etc items. He never gives jewelry...and after so many years, I gave up the desire for it, cause I am not going to get it anyway.

If we are equating love=time.invested.in.the.best.gift.selection, then he fails. If I don't give him a gift list of my selections, then I can expect something like I received a few years ago. Back massager, foot massager, heating pad, etc. I said "what is this? The mom is falling apart Christmas?"

There is a diffference between a gift and a present. A gift is something you give the person because you know and love them and want them to have it. A present is something you present to the person whether you want to give it to them or not (they chose) or because you think they need it because they are lacking somewhere (you need a blender, so here is one).

I believe that choosing a gift involves an investment of myself and my time to understand the recipient, their life and what might expand it. That is part of the "gift"...giving that little bit of my time to make it wonderful for them. Even if it is simple and inexpensive, if I take the time to consider them in the process...it is a good thing.

That is all I want in return...the gift of you built into the process.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

But you're right: no romance without finance

That's the way it is now, and this is sad. True enough, no one wants to be with a broke joker, but at the same time to leave him because something bad happened financially is flat out wrong. A lot of women are good for doing this mess.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That's the way it is now, and this is sad. True enough, no one wants to be with a broke joker, but at the same time to leave him because something bad happened financially is flat out wrong. A lot of women are good for doing this mess.

A broke joker is starting out is one issue.

A joker who loses all your money so you cannot pay the mortgage and now is broke is another issue altogether. Especially if the money is yours.

A fella that loses his job, and slowly his finances dwindle, with careful planning, things can be handled, slowly and carefully.

But the fella who loses his job, spendthrifts his way to oblivion and the repo man as well as the collectors start calling and harassing the house, that must be dealt with swiftly.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

A broke joker is starting out is one issue.

A joker who loses all your money so you cannot pay the mortgage and now is broke is another issue altogether. Especially if the money is yours.

A fella that loses his job, and slowly his finances dwindle, with careful planning, things can be handled, slowly and carefully.

But the fella who loses his job, spendthrifts his way to oblivion and the repo man as well as the collectors start calling and harassing the house, that must be dealt with swiftly.

Starting out is one thing, but what if things don't go as planned the way the couple planned it to? Do you think it's o.k. for her to just break out and leave? A relationship is one thing but a marriage is another. It says for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and in sickness and in health, or something of that nature. AQAK it could actually just stop with for better for worse. That sums it all up. With the divorce rate being as high as it is, something is very wrong, and I think a lot of it is based on affairs and finances.

Well of course if he loses all the money, to me that sounds like he's irresponsible. When I think of someone losing money I think of gambling or something like that.

The joker that loses his job, what if things never get back to the way they used to be? Does she stay or leave? Some women will stay. It would be wrong to leave.

If he loses his job and spends freely that dude sounds irresponsible too. Who would stay with a man like that?