I hate my boyfriend's fraternity

[gem_star17]

thanks for your responses.

yes, he def knows what is happening. But I'm not exactly timid, so it's been a back and forth thing between me and them. its been going on for years and its so old. i really thought it was one of those unspoken rules where you couldnt go against your brothers.thats why i was wondering how common this kind of thing was. i never even considered him defending me because i had no idea he could.

and alethia, we dont have much in common. but 3 yrs is a long time and i think thats the main reason we're still together.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by gem_star17

i never even considered him defending me because i had no idea he could.

Umm...WTF? OF COURSE he can defend you. Whether he has the balls to seems to be more of what's in question.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by gem_star17

thanks for your responses.

yes, he def knows what is happening. But I'm not exactly timid, so it's been a back and forth thing between me and them. its been going on for years and its so old. i really thought it was one of those unspoken rules where you couldnt go against your brothers.thats why i was wondering how common this kind of thing was. i never even considered him defending me because i had no idea he could.

I would've dumped him years ago.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I agree that her bf needs to know what his brothers are saying to her. However, I think she should address the rudeness herself before sending her bf in. Then, if the brothers don't respond positively, her bf should approach them. But it's her battle first.

Nope. It's his battle first. He shouldn't make her be the heavy.

I'll agree, though, that she shouldn't be sending him in. He should be taking care of it without her having to ask.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also something to put this in perspective, he won't be an collegiate fraternity member forever. Eventually he'll graduate and the whole hanging around the house thing will be a non-issue (except for special occasions and alumni events).

Again, I'll have to disgree. Sure, he won't be an active in a few years, and college will be behind them, but if it's not his fraternity brothers, it'll be some other group of friends.

Originally Posted by gem_star17

and alethia, we dont have much in common. but 3 yrs is a long time and i think thats the main reason we're still together.

Do you really want it to turn into 4 or 5 years if you don't have that much in common and he's not willing to stand up for you?

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I would've dumped him years ago.

Yeah, but thats you though... I mean no matter what we think, we ALL have been in relationships that went on too long, for whatever reason, and they weren't always good for us.
Gem- i can see what you mean about not being "able" to, in regards to fraternity , perhaps the order of things, etc but Alphafrog is right, it is a matter of what is more important to him. Especially if you have stepped in and said something to him and he KNOWS that it bothers you. I would take those kinds of things into consideration.
Will we always get along with our significant others' friends? no not necessarily, but having the strength to stand up to them and not having your partner at least respect your wishes and back you up, can be a serious problem.
I mean would this happen whether a fraternity was involved or not? I'm not sure, if anything, I would think that they'd be more respectful, but not always, like in my case with my ex.

I would try to talk to him, let him know how you feel... and perhaps youmight just have to hit the wall where you can't take it anymore. Three years is a long time, but if you're being treated like that and he's not making as much of an effort to do things that you both want to do... then really... what is the use of holding on to a past that may or may not repeat itself?
good luck! let us know how things go!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AlethiaSi

Yeah, but thats you though... I mean no matter what we think, we ALL have been in relationships that went on too long, for whatever reason, and they weren't always good for us.

I believe I did type "I would've."

I have never been in a long term relationship that lasted too long. I am quick to end meaningless wastes of time before it hits the 1 year mark.

More than that, I would never ask for opinions from friends, family, or random people on the internet if these opinions don't/won't count for anything. Keep it to yourself if you want to be able to process it all and act on your own.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I believe I did type "I would've."

I have never been in a long term relationship that lasted too long. I am quick to end meaningless wastes of time before it hits the 1 year mark.

More than that, I would never ask for opinions from friends, family, or random people on the internet if these opinions don't/won't count for anything. Keep it to yourself if you want to be able to process it all and act on your own.

i didn't mean it like that. i'm sorry for the confusion, i just meant in general, including myself, b/c i feel exactly the same way (and i have learned to do the same thing, meaning ending a relationship b/c i did waste my time after too long)

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by gem_star17

it's been a back and forth thing between me and them. its been going on for years and its so old.

This is different than what I had imagined based on your first post. If it's been this way for years, and your bf knows it and hasn't done anything to stop it, I really don't understand why you've stuck around for so long. Honestly, he might be wondering the same thing.

Originally Posted by gem_star17

but 3 yrs is a long time and i think thats the main reason we're still together.

That's not a very good reason for staying together.