for parents-rejection

[SoMom]

I'm a new poster but have lurked for quite a while. I do not want to belittle anyones' pain and I'm not sure exactly how to articulate my thoughts without sounding harsh but here goes:

Most of our children get exactly what they want too often and too quickly. And we usually knock ourselves out to see to it that they do!!!!
However, in my experience, it has been the disappointments that build the most and best qualities of character. Through (thankfully few) very hurtful 'rejection situations', my D has learned some valuable things and has grown from them. Now she looks back and points to those disappointments and can say how grateful she is for them! So, I guess I am saying that we should rejoice in their accomplishments, share the pain of their disappointments and pray that they learn from both.

Pain passes. Wisdom learned from hard lessons lasts forever.

For those going thru the rejection process with their Ds, I really do hope your pain passes quickly and that you can find a silver lining.

[Zillini]

Excellent posts by everyone!

I'm confident I speak for every member here on GC when I say it breaks our hearts everytime we read about someone's daughter, sister, niece, or friend not getting a bid. I'm sorry we can't tell you why this happened because we don't know and even if we did, we are bound by the confidentiality of our organizations.

I'm also just as confident that the moms, sisters, aunts and friends are completely baffled by how this happened. Their PNM had a sky high GPA and an impeccable resume. She's sweet, funny, intelligent, dedicated, hard working, cute, etc. What more could a sorority want? Trust me, that's exactly what we want in our members.

But for reasons we don't know or understand, some PNM's just won't click with the 2 or 3 or however many actives they get the chance to meet during Recruitment. Not everyone is going to see themselves as best friends forever with someone else after spending only 15-30 minutes together. In that limited amount of time the actives can't always see all those wonderful traits in your PNM. IMHO the lack of time available to get to know someone on either side is the biggest drawback of any Formal Recruitment process. It's a shame, but that's the system we have.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by SoMom

I'm a new poster but have lurked for quite a while. I do not want to belittle anyones' pain and I'm not sure exactly how to articulate my thoughts without sounding harsh but here goes:

Most of our children get exactly what they want too often and too quickly. And we usually knock ourselves out to see to it that they do!!!!
However, in my experience, it has been the disappointments that build the most and best qualities of character. Through (thankfully few) very hurtful 'rejection situations', my D has learned some valuable things and has grown from them. Now she looks back and points to those disappointments and can say how grateful she is for them! So, I guess I am saying that we should rejoice in their accomplishments, share the pain of their disappointments and pray that they learn from both.

Pain passes. Wisdom learned from hard lessons lasts forever.

For those going thru the rejection process with their Ds, I really do hope your pain passes quickly and that you can find a silver lining.

I think this is a much healthier long term parenting approach than trying to "fix" everything that happens, either by doing everything for your child in advance or by taking up their causes after the fact.

As bad as a negative recruitment results seems in the moment and shortly after, if not getting a bid to sorority is one of your daughter's bigger disappointments in life, I'd say you and she did an excellent job.

(In most cases, it's not even the end of her opportunities to be Greek, if she still wants to, but even when it is, missing the opportunity is a small and somewhat frivolous thing in the course of a lifetime. It's really not a reflection of her worth as an individual. Don't make her feel like it's a bigger deal that it is.)

[estherjb]

It's hard to appreciate unless you've been on the other side of rush how totally RANDOM a cut can be. Someone in a house can be pulling for you but maybe they don't have a lot of clout in the chapter. Your name can come up at a time when everyone is exhausted and just wants to go to sleep so nobody fights for you unless they're incredibly passionate. You might get mixed up with another rushee. Sometimes people are petty beyond credibility. Maybe you dated their sister's ex-boyfriend or you got homecoming court instead of a sister's cousin's friend. Or maybe you took her pencil in third grade. Lack of sleep, stress and tension, all these things can bring out the worst in us.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: Another thing that the mom's of PNM's need to be aware of is that sometimes you may think you have a rec to a house that never got sent in. I have seen this happen. The alum just never got around to it or misplaced it or didn't know what to say. ALWAYS get two recs. And a personal letter if you can. (That's for competitive rush. Smaller schools or non-SEC schools may look on that as overkill.)

[volmom]

Thanks for the insight Esther. My D has been very lucky throughout the process, but was shocked and disappointed to get through rounds 1-3 at her preferred chapter, then not invited back to Pref night.

True, its an SEC school and she was somewhat prepared for it, but its confusing to be rushed hard and feel very confident, then have the rug pulled out. She still has good options, but I can relate to all who feel rejected. As I told her, things work out for the best!

[AKA_Monet]

CuteASABug: Good Original Post!

Originally Posted by SoMom

Pain passes. Wisdom learned from hard lessons lasts forever.

I need to learn that myself even though I could have an 18 year old Daughter, but don't...

[cuteASAbug]

awww thank you