Relationship - Taking a Break - Page 4

arizona13 · #46 08-10-2007, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I wasn't speaking of marriage, but since it's been brought up, I would have to agree with AKA Monet. Yes, breaks are needed in a marriage. Sometimes we need that alone time, but I think the OP was saying that people will say they need a break, in other words lets break up for a while and then get back together later. My response to that is NO. That's unacceptable. I would tell her don't come back because I won't be there. Like I said before there are no breaks. o.k. here's the deal and I know you guys are going to think I'm this possessive stalker from hell, well I'm not, but I do take relationships very seriously and this is why. When I go out with a woman on the 1st date, I'm not just going out with her just to be going out with her. The physical attraction is the 1st thing that's going to get me to go out with her in the 1st place, and then from that point on is when I'll try to see if she and I are compatible. I've never casual dated. I only date one woman at a time and I expect the same from her. If we're not compatible then move on to the next. I believe in one man for one woman and vise versa for long term to marriage. None of this lets take a break because we're having problems or I think we should meet new people. o.k. Why? I've said this in another thread, but I've been this way since puberty. Seriously, when I was 17, if my ex in highschool didn't cut me a loose, I would still be with her to this day. She thought since I was going to college that I would be more interested in college girls than her. She was two years younger than me. Anyway, she was wrong. I would have never done that. I would have only been interested in her. See, it's problems like this that confuse me. Why break up if you don't have to. If there's no cheating, and no abuse then what's the point. This is why I say there should be no breaks. There's too much of this going on today and I think this is a huge contribution to the high divorce rate. I hate that when people say, "I think we should meet new people." I think we need to take a break." "Why?" "Because it's just not working out." "But why?" See, this is what the conversation is like. There is no reason why. It's flat out stupid, and pointless. That's why I say don't come back. I'll move on to someone who has the same thinking about relationships as I do. In a marriage, you've got to work it out or don't get married. Marriage takes sacrifice. Pre-marital relationships do too, just not as much sacrifice. Why would you say I need a break just to go date other people? What? You think that's going to be better? A joker that does that is just going to keep going from one relationship to the next. In a marriage it's fine to have fun with friends because it's not like you're splitting up. Breaking up for no reason is pointless.

I think I'm in love.

AOII_LB93 · #47 08-10-2007, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackngoldengrl

I hear what you are saying, to the OP, but the question I posed is a bit different I think. Perhaps more information is needed, but w/o giving all that away I guess what you are saying is: no breaks. If there is some issue or issues that you cannot work out with your partner, then move on completely.

I think in my case, I'm wondering what those who have been through this before with successfully getting back together felt that the break did for their relationship? Gave you clarity,allowed you to focus on yourself and getting your life together, gave you the opportunity to explore other relationships if you wanted to, etc. And if you didn't get back together, do you feel that it was worth it?

Gracias and goodnight!

Ok, so I'm a few days late in responding, but you asked for someone who has successfully gotten back together after a break....and that is me. My husband and I (before we got married) took a break for about 6 months. We were living together and I felt like the relationship was going nowhere. So I got back from a trip and we broke it off. I moved out on my own...and did a lot of thinking. I realized that he was the person that I wanted in my life and vice-versa. We were engaged 6 months later(april 05) and married by the end of 2005. I honestly feel that if we hadn't split up, we wouldn't be married today simply because we had both gotten far too comfortable with the crappyness we were in together. Did he date others? No...did I? No, but it gave us both time to think about what we really wanted.

OneTimeSBX · #48 08-10-2007, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Ok, so I'm a few days late in responding, but you asked for someone who has successfully gotten back together after a break....and that is me. My husband and I (before we got married) took a break for about 6 months. We were living together and I felt like the relationship was going nowhere. So I got back from a trip and we broke it off. I moved out on my own...and did a lot of thinking. I realized that he was the person that I wanted in my life and vice-versa. We were engaged 6 months later(april 05) and married by the end of 2005. I honestly feel that if we hadn't split up, we wouldn't be married today simply because we had both gotten far too comfortable with the crappyness we were in together. Did he date others? I don't think so...did I? No, but it gave us both time to think about what we really wanted.

i think its nice that splitting/taking a break worked for someone!

i have had times when i could not be around the other person and think straight. they were a distraction, because everytime something went down, the conversation turned into an argument, and nothing got accomplished. it seems like a cop out, just running out, but i think it just depends on what both parties really are thinking about when they want the break. after a vacation seems to be a popular time, i guess all that relaxing and thinking on the beach lol!

PrettyBoy · #49 08-11-2007, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i agree. people neglect to remember why they went to the clubs BEFORE they were in a relationship. that shouldnt be going on in an exclusive situation. my man and i will go together on occasion. sometimes we just want to go bump & grind on a dance floor with a few drinks in us. and at the end of the night, i can take him home!

my fiance sees his best friend maybe once a week or so. there is no constant hanging out, not that i dont love his friends, because i really do like every one of them, but he isnt gonna run around and chill while im stuck in the house pregnant

. damn that! i think another thing i noticed is that the older the guy gets, and the more settled his friends get (kids, jobs, wives, etc) the less time everyone else has to hang out. they are all content sometimes just renting a movie and watching it at the other persons house, for a change of environment.

Something must be wrong with me then. I just don't hang out at clubs nor do I drink, never have and I never will. Almost everyone I know drinks and either has clubbed or still clubs. I do think it's great that you two go to the clubs together. I mean if you are going to go, go together. I don't understand why couples can't do things together. What's wrong with doing things together? I know if I were married and my wife told me I want to divorce for a few hours to hang with my girls. I would tell her I want a divorce FOR REAL. I'm not down with that mess at all.

PrettyBoy · #50 08-11-2007, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Ok, so I'm a few days late in responding, but you asked for someone who has successfully gotten back together after a break....and that is me. My husband and I (before we got married) took a break for about 6 months. We were living together and I felt like the relationship was going nowhere. So I got back from a trip and we broke it off. I moved out on my own...and did a lot of thinking. I realized that he was the person that I wanted in my life and vice-versa. We were engaged 6 months later(april 05) and married by the end of 2005. I honestly feel that if we hadn't split up, we wouldn't be married today simply because we had both gotten far too comfortable with the crappyness we were in together. Did he date others? No...did I? No, but it gave us both time to think about what we really wanted.

Well, now that you're married, there are no breaks for real. You've got to work out whatever it is you two go through, unless someone cheats or verbal and physical abuse is involved, God forbid that happen in your marriage. I only wish you two the best and hope you stay together forever, the way it should be with NO breaks this time.

AOII_LB93 · #51 08-15-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Well, now that you're married, there are no breaks for real. You've got to work out whatever it is you two go through, unless someone cheats or verbal and physical abuse is involved, God forbid that happen in your marriage. I only wish you two the best and hope you stay together forever, the way it should be with NO breaks this time.

Well duh, you don't get to take breaks during marriage...except for maybe my trips to France with my students that my husband refuses to come on because he doesn't want to chaperone teens in Paris. LOL

OneTimeSBX · #52 08-15-2007, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Something must be wrong with me then. I just don't hang out at clubs nor do I drink, never have and I never will. Almost everyone I know drinks and either has clubbed or still clubs. I do think it's great that you two go to the clubs together. I mean if you are going to go, go together. I don't understand why couples can't do things together. What's wrong with doing things together? I know if I were married and my wife told me I want to divorce for a few hours to hang with my girls. I would tell her I want a divorce FOR REAL. I'm not down with that mess at all.

most of my friends are single, and for some reason everytime we all manage to have babysitters/nights off they want to go clubbing. the closest to that i want to go to without my man is a restaurant with a live band or something. and thats cool with them. it has a semi-club atmosphere but with a more "grown-folk" attitude...

lets face it. you have to spend time with other people. it doesnt have to be at an inappropriate place! its not whether or not i trust him, i just dont trust those gold diggin hoochies that will completely ignore the wedding band on his finger. hell, if he gets hit on at Walmart or the gas station, i cant help that lol! i can voice my opinion about anything else!

Buttonz · #53 08-15-2007, 01:29 PM

I was at a wedding Sunday night of a couple that dated 4-5 years ago for awhile (I think close to a year) broke up, and got back together last summer...they got engaged in April and got married Sunday night. So it works for some people!

33girl · #54 08-15-2007, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackngoldengrl

I hear what you are saying, to the OP, but the question I posed is a bit different I think. Perhaps more information is needed, but w/o giving all that away I guess what you are saying is: no breaks. If there is some issue or issues that you cannot work out with your partner, then move on completely.

If you've never been in a really long relationship before, sometimes it's hard to know what's an issue that can't be resolved, and what's just the changing of the relationship due to time. You hate to just throw it away if it's the kind of change that's going to happen in any relationship. Ex-Mr 33 and I had this problem before we broke up. It didn't help that his good friend "Joe" and his girlfriend "Jane" had been breaking up and getting back together for 10 years (they are now married w/ baby) or that both our sets of parents had similar off & on things at points in their relationships. We were both kind of like "well, I guess this is just stuff that happens." It wasn't, though.

EyesOnThePrize · #55 08-15-2007, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I'm either in or out. No games.

If I was the original poster, as soon as that joker told me he's starting to have mixed feelings, before he even finished the sentence I would have dumped him like a bad habit on the spot and moved on.

Back to me. See, I don't take breaks. I work it out. There are no breaks, and I damn sure don't play that "friends with benefits" garbage. I'm in it for the long haul through good times and bad. If she starts having mixed feelings, it's over for good. Period.

Wow…just wow!

I am SO happy to hear a man say this. Your relationship is a part of your life. Life does not pause. Life gets difficult (or takes more attention to certain areas) at times. Deal with it!!! You don’t get to take a break from your life and expect it to still be there waiting on you when you either decide a.) you can now deal with it, or b.) that you’ve had a little fun (without guilt) and now want to go back to eating the cake you already had!!! Sorry for the ((((!!!!!!!!!)))), this topic hit home.

Now PrettyBoy would you be so kind as to bestow your knowledge upon to the rest of your gender? Preferably those in SoCal?? Preferably those in your frat???

PrettyBoy · #56 08-15-2007, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EyesOnThePrize

Now PrettyBoy would you be so kind as to bestow your knowledge upon to the rest of your gender? Preferably those in SoCal?? Preferably those in your frat???

LOL. There's a lot of men like myself, we're just hard to find because we don't hang out where most other people do. For example, when I'm not working, a night out for me is either at home, out bowling, or relaxing at a coffee shop or the bookstore.

Yeah, I'm not down with taking breaks at all. That's unacceptable.

EyesOnThePrize · #57 08-16-2007, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

[B]For example, when I'm not working, a night out for me is either at home, out bowling, or relaxing at a coffee shop or the bookstore.

I can accept that. *off to my local Barnes and Noble, to pick up a chai latte and then go bowling*

Munchkin03 · #58 08-17-2007, 02:35 PM

My ex, when I asked to break up nearly 2 years ago, asked for a break instead. That was really funny. I went with it for two weeks, and then just broke up with him.

So it's not just women who push for these things...

DaemonSeid · #59 08-17-2007, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

LOL. There's a lot of men like myself, we're just hard to find because we don't hang out where most other people do. For example, when I'm not working, a night out for me is either at home, out bowling, or relaxing at a coffee shop or the bookstore.

Yeah, I'm not down with taking breaks at all. That's unacceptable.

ditto to what he said....if my s/o asked for a break...she can have one...til the next lifetime...when u invest in someone and they start having cold feet...what's to keep them from doing it again?

If someone wanted to break from me, trust me, the next woman that gets in line is fair game

Now...break on them....

OneTimeSBX · #60 08-17-2007, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

ditto to what he said....if my s/o asked for a break...she can have one...til the next lifetime...when u invest in someone and they start having cold feet...what's to keep them from doing it again?

If someone wanted to break from me, trust me, the next woman that gets in line is fair game

Now...break on them....

Daemon you know you are too good of a catch for Future Mrs. Daemon to start trippin on you and need to take a break lol! you know your sh*t dont stink!