Playas till the day we die...

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I couldn't have said it better. The last thing I want you ladies to think is that I'm down with ruling women with an iron fist. That's not the right way. Like I said before, she should be involved in every decison, because her input may be better, and a lot of times it is, just not all the time. My X did what she wanted to do, whenever she wanted. She had no respect for me at all, and at the same time, I lost respect for her. When the respect is gone, you can hang it up. I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, like I respect them. I can't get down with a woman like that. When a woman feels she has to take on the load, she will get frustrated and lose control everytime, without fail. She was not desinged to do that. I think a man should tell his woman/wife she's beautiful as much as he can, and give her the attention she needs. A man that treats his woman like this will more than likely be able to lead without too much of a problem. Depending on if he chooses the right woman. I just chose the wrong woman. I treated her like a queen and did the best I could with the resources I had available to me, but it wasn't good enough for her. The reason why I'm so picky.

Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

[pinkies up]

Different strokes for different folks.
All I know is that I was already a complete person before I met my husband. We COMPLEMENT one another and I have learned (and am still learning) how to allow him to lead the household and the decisions. This doesn't mean that we don't discuss it first, but the thing is he has the final decision whether it be right or wrong. I have learned to trust him and the fact that he would not put the family in a bad situation. We do walk together, but I still know my place in the relationship. We support one another and we do have the right to disagree and speak our peace equally. I know how to handle business if he were to every get sick or leave. I'm not weak by any means. I am enjoying being spoiled at it's nothing wrong with it. Just my opinion.

[jubilance1922]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

Different strokes for different folks.
All I know is that I was already a complete person before I met my husband. We COMPLEMENT one another and I have learned (and am still learning) how to allow him to lead the household and the decisions. This doesn't mean that we don't discuss it first, but the thing is he has the final decision whether it be right or wrong. I have learned to trust him and the fact that he would not put the family in a bad situation. We do walk together, but I still know my place in the relationship. We support one another and we do have the right to disagree and speak our peace equally. I know how to handle business if he were to every get sick or leave. I'm not weak by any means. I am enjoying being spoiled at it's nothing wrong with it. Just my opinion.

I was wondering when that word was gonna come up.

I'll just say that men say "I want a woman who is willing submit and let me lead". Well, women can't walk around submitting to every random man, you've got to prove that you are worth her submitting to you. You've got to prove that you have both of your best interests at heart.

[OneTimeSBX]

whoo lord, i went home last night and called my DADDY about this thread.
i explained the several differing views on here, and this is what he had to say...

the biblical stand point is this. the definition in the bible of a wife being submissive includes him heading the household and making THE BEST CHRISTIAN DECISIONS, and also dying for his wife. now, going by that definition, a lot of christian women wouldnt mind that set up. my dad said that he never does anything without my mom's input. ever. BUT there come times when he backs down because he knows how she feels, and vice versa. this all depends on one key element: A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN.

Daddy also agreed with what i said earlier in this thread: part of heading a household (or as PrettyBoy compared it to a company) is prepping a substitute or successor. Dad may run the house, but mom can step up as well, ive seen her do it many times if he was away for work. in this case, he feels comfortable letting her do her thing without interfering in certain areas.

ALSO...he said that YES a lot of men take advantage of this role. men who dont even go to church feel that they should head a household in a biblical sense. in this case (not that they are bad husbands) he said he would be reluctant to be anything less than equals with him. Submission is probably where a lot of us women have the problem...the word sounds domineering. in the right situation, it truly is a walk together with a "speaker of the house" if you will.

BlueReign: i hope you find that prince! you deserve a break mama!

PrettyBoy: i respect your honesty on this thread...it has given me a lot to think about as far as my relationship goes, so whatever works for you, keep it up!

NinjaPoodle: giiiirl, i feel you on so many levels. it is definately refreshing to see women who can hold their own. if you feel certain parts dont affect you, then do you! my daddy said just to make sure you are equally yolked...i hope you find that man who is so on point, you can sit back and enjoy the ride!!

Dionysus: i think you found the solution. there wont be a power struggle if us women all get girlfriends!

[Senusret I]

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

[pinkies up]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

Dayum.

I think the point that everyone needs to remember is that you must first LOVE YOURSELF!!! Be your own best friend, provider, etc. When you are ready to be in a relationship, then all of these things will help you when you are with someone else. Both parties have to learn from one another and respect one another. It's a mutual thing. Everyone will not fit a mold of how to work your relationship and the key is finding what works for the both of you.

Like I have stated over and over, I did not wake up with the idea of being "led" by my husband. He had to prove that I could trust him and he did that with ACTIONS and not WORDS.
To each is own and the goal is for everyone to find their soul mate.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

I was wondering when that word was gonna come up.

I'll just say that men say "I want a woman who is willing submit and let me lead". Well, women can't walk around submitting to every random man, you've got to prove that you are worth her submitting to you. You've got to prove that you have both of your best interests at heart.

I agree!

Originally Posted by 357Nupe

bossy a$$ AKA's.

Say what!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

lol!

[raggann03]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

whoo lord, i went home last night and called my DADDY about this thread.
i explained the several differing views on here, and this is what he had to say...

the biblical stand point is this. the definition in the bible of a wife being submissive includes him heading the household and making THE BEST CHRISTIAN DECISIONS, and also dying for his wife. now, going by that definition, a lot of christian women wouldnt mind that set up. my dad said that he never does anything without my mom's input. ever. BUT there come times when he backs down because he knows how she feels, and vice versa. this all depends on one key element: A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN.

Daddy also agreed with what i said earlier in this thread: part of heading a household (or as PrettyBoy compared it to a company) is prepping a substitute or successor. Dad may run the house, but mom can step up as well, ive seen her do it many times if he was away for work. in this case, he feels comfortable letting her do her thing without interfering in certain areas.

ALSO...he said that YES a lot of men take advantage of this role. men who dont even go to church feel that they should head a household in a biblical sense. in this case (not that they are bad husbands) he said he would be reluctant to be anything less than equals with him. Submission is probably where a lot of us women have the problem...the word sounds domineering. in the right situation, it truly is a walk together with a "speaker of the house" if you will.

Exactly!!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

NinjaPoodle: giiiirl, i feel you on so many levels. it is definately refreshing to see women who can hold their own. if you feel certain parts dont affect you, then do you! my daddy said just to make sure you are equally yolked...i hope you find that man who is so on point, you can sit back and enjoy the ride!!

Thanks, me too.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?



Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

ETA just one womans opinion.

[BlueReign]

Soror NP, I can't really answer your question with one answer cause we are talking about two different things here. I want to be taken care of by my man simply because I have never experienced it and I am tired of taking care of everything. I created this Ms. Independent monster myself.

So, if my children were older and I was at the age that I am now then the answer would be a definite no.

Now, if I were a little old lady and my children offered to take care of me then the answer would be, hell yeah. I know that they would because my teen-aged sons are working and when they have money, they do offer it to me.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

Soror NP, I can't really answer your question with one answer cause we are talking about two different things here. I want to be taken care of by my man simply because I have never experienced it and I am tired of taking care of everything. I created this Ms. Independent monster myself.

So, if my children were older and I was at the age that I am now then the answer would be a definite no.

Now, if I were a little old lady and my children offered to take care of me then the answer would be, hell yeah. I know that they would because my teen-aged sons are working and when they have money, they do offer it to me.

Lol understood

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?



Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

I could care less what my friends think. I think a man that's content with his woman runnin' the show, is a weak man, and she's stupid as hell for taking care of his lazy no good a$$.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I could care less what my friends think. I think a man that's content with his woman runnin' the show, is a weak man, and she's stupid as hell for taking care of his lazy no good a$$.

Well, at least we agree on something!