Playas till the day we die...

[pinkies up]

Originally Posted by 357Nupe

I wanted to quote a bunch of stuff on this topic, but I thought I will just say my peace.

I am a married man (12 years 12/10/94), with quite a few married friends, most are happy or not mad enough to leave. This thread is a point of conversation for us quite often, from why we got married to do we want to stay married.

Our answers can be summed up as follows:

We all found our wives, persued our wives, caught (clubbed over the head, talked that good ish, etc..) our wives, and married our wives. We also found that none of us had been pressured or made to set a timeline or any other buzzword women use to say are you going to marry me anytime soon or where is this relationship going.

Now I know my next statement is going to start something but here goes, It is not a woman's place(role) to tell a men she is ready to be married, now a woman can leave if she feels the relationship is going nowhere but a man will ask when he knows the relationship is ready for that step. With that said every woman should have standards in her head and if he is not up to those standards, LEAVE HIM.

If you look at how marriage was setup women were not put in the finding role but in the accepting role. If he meets your standards you accept him if not dump him. I luckly met the extremely high standards my wife had and has and she accepted me.

In conclusion when men and women understand their roles in relationships the outcome is a lot clearer and easier to obtain. We as men have forgotten our place and ladies you have decided since we can't figure it out you will take over, and sorry to say it does not work. Thats just my thoughts I could be wrong but my 12 happy years say I may be on the right track.

All I know is that I'm about to set a lot of my Sorors and Sistergreeks against me when I tell you that your post is on point. It's not about a "role" in the sense of "women wash and cook" and "men make the money", but more of the woman sometimes allowing the man to take the lead. When I stopped looking for a man, or a husband, that's when HE came TO ME.

[1908Revelations]

<-------Not against you Soror

[raggann03]

I totally agree with this also. It's kind of funny, once you are single, you are faced with two choices - to bemoan your status daily or to accept the opportunity you have to now focus on yourself and learn who you are. I chose the latter and the idea of a relationship freaks me out a little cause I don't want someone coming in and messing up my life

[pinkies up]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

<-------Not against you Soror

Thanks Soror!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

All I know is that I'm about to set a lot of my Sorors and Sistergreeks against me when I tell you that your post is on point. It's not about a "role" in the sense of "women wash and cook" and "men make the money", but more of the woman sometimes allowing the man to take the lead. When I stopped looking for a man, or a husband, that's when HE came TO ME.

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

[jubilance1922]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

Just my two cents on the subject....

I was raised by a mother who grew up dirt poor with no father, so she taught me the "take care of yourself, don't depend on a man" mantra. Once I got older and started having relationships, I realized that I had to tailor it a bit. Its true that I don't "need" a man for financial reasons, and I would never date someone who looked at me as a source of financial gain. But in a relationship, while the financial part may not be needed, I need him to give me other things, both tangible and intangible.

In general, I find these kinds of conversations to always end up on the money issues, and a lot of times a woman saying "I don't need a man to pay my rent or my car note or whatever" gets construed into "I don't need or want a man for anything", and those are two different things.

Its also been my experience that there are some lazy men out there, who simply don't want to take the lead, for whatever reason.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Just my two cents on the subject....

I was raised by a mother who grew up dirt poor with no father, so she taught me the "take care of yourself, don't depend on a man" mantra. Once I got older and started having relationships, I realized that I had to tailor it a bit. Its true that I don't "need" a man for financial reasons, and I would never date someone who looked at me as a source of financial gain. But in a relationship, while the financial part may not be needed, I need him to give me other things, both tangible and intangible.

In general, I find these kinds of conversations to always end up on the money issues, and a lot of times a woman saying "I don't need a man to pay my rent or my car note or whatever" gets construed into "I don't need or want a man for anything", and those are two different things.

Its also been my experience that there are some lazy men out there, who simply don't want to take the lead, for whatever reason.

That's cool. You're right there are some lazy jokers who are content with letting the woman lead him and take care of him. Not me. I have to lead and I have to have a woman who is comfortable with this. I'm not saying I have to be the bread winner, though I would prefer to be, but if I'm not, I'm still going to be the head of that marriage/relationship. Period. The Bible didn't say wives submit yourselves to your own husbands only if he makes more money. It just said submit yourselves to your own husbands. Now, if he's a lazy joker who won't work, then if I were a woman I wouldn't submit to a joker like that at all. A joker like that isn't a man, he's just flat out a sorry individual.

[pinkies up]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

And it took me a loooong time to understand all of this. I was a single parent for a while before I met my husband. It was hard to transition from being totally in charge of my household to allowing my husband to be the head of the household. It took some work, (and we're still working on it daily), but it can be done.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

And it took me a loooong time to understand all of this. I was a single parent for a while before I met my husband. It was hard to transition from being totally in charge of my household to allowing my husband to be the head of the household. It took some work, (and we're still working on it daily), but it can be done.

Don't give up. Keep working at it. Through Christ it will all come together.

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

And it took me a loooong time to understand all of this. I was a single parent for a while before I met my husband. It was hard to transition from being totally in charge of my household to allowing my husband to be the head of the household. It took some work, (and we're still working on it daily), but it can be done.

i am working on this as well...its hard to surrender that control when you have acted as male and female in your household. i think its also been a form of insurance for me, knowing that if this doesnt work out, i can do it myself. it ends up coming across wrong to him, not that i want to run things myself, but that i dont want HIM to have control.

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i am working on this as well...its hard to surrender that control when you have acted as male and female in your household. i think its also been a form of insurance for me, knowing that if this doesnt work out, i can do it myself. it ends up coming across wrong to him, not that i want to run things myself, but that i dont want HIM to have control.

I think what we forget is that both men and women lose some forms of control when they unite as one. When I was married I didn't choose what I ate, what the house looked like, often what I wore, and what we did in free time. I trusted her with those decisions.

OT, I know how you feel, but that ain't gonna work. "Baby it's not that I don't want you to lead, I just don't want you to have control." . In order for him to lead, you gotta take your hand off the steering wheel. BUT!!! You're still in the passenger seat and you can help him navigate. And when y'all get lost...chew him out!

[OneTimeSBX]

very true marquise...

and another thing: it is a man/head of households responsibility to teach/train the woman how to be head of household. not so that she steps on toes, but in case she needs to step up to that role!

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

very true marquise...

and another thing: it is a man/head of households responsibility to teach/train the woman how to be head of household. not so that she steps on toes, but in case she needs to step up to that role!

OT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is wsup!!!!

I always stress that women know how to do things by themselves b4 the get married. My sister is a strong women, but she is helpless when it comes to practical things like changing a flat or lifting a heavy box. She was crippled by the fact she had 5 brothers at her beck and call her whole life. Women should watch and learn because one day he's gonna say, "Baby could you take care of this for me"

[raggann03]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Wow. A woman that wants a man to take the lead? Women usually jump down my throat for voicing my opinion on this. I think that's why the divorce rate is so high because men won't take the lead. That's Biblical. It's the man's job to take care of his wife. It's not her job to take care of him. Women aren't designed to take on the load. Women get frustrated and stressed when she feels she has to take on the load. I agree with you all the way. In a marriage a woman has the option if she wants to work or not. I know this sounds crazy but if she doesn't want to work, then the joker she's with needs to do what he's gotta do to make ends meet. Now, of course if she does want to work then that's always a blessing, but she doesn't have to. That's all I've ever seen my dad do, was lead the family. Sons are going to do what they see their fathers do. I was raised to lead. The problem is finding a woman who wants to be led. Today's women say "I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me." That's part of the problem. Any man that lets his woman lead him, in my book is one sorry poor excuse for a man.

The Bible says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. It also says submit yourselves to one another. That doesn't mean for the man to submit to her lead, it means he is to submit to her needs, and she will submit to his lead.

Good post and as a women I agree, provided you understand that this biblical principal places a requirement on the man...as long as you meet that requirement we are good to go!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by raggann03

Good post and as a women I agree, provided you understand that this biblical principal places a requirement on the man...as long as you meet that requirement we are good to go!

Exactly. It's not easy. Some men think it's easy but it's not. Hint, we're XY a woman is XX. This is crazy but it's true. In a marriage/relationship that man has to do his best to understand his wife/woman. He has both chromosomes. Male and female. She has female only. I'm being a hypocrite because I still don't understand women, but I'm, working at it. That's why it's a man's job to submit himself to her needs not to her lead.

God never gave direction to Eve. He gave it to Adam. What happened when Eve ate of the tree? Nothing. Remember, they still didn't realize they were naked until Adam ate it. That's when they both became ashamed. God asked Adam, not Eve why he was hiding. He gave Adam the dominion. A lot of people think it was Eve's fault. Wrong. It was Adam's fault. It's because of Adam that we live in sin. The same thing goes today. If the man isn't leading and taking care of his wife financially and spiritually then he's the Adam. When things go wrong, it's his fault, of course unless he just has a jacked up woman who doesn't love or respect herself. Men, love your wives like Jesus loved the Church and died for it. That's a lot, but God expects nothing less. Just my 2 cents.