Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended

[mystikchick]

Aahh these stories are hilarious! I don't have a 'worst' wedding story per say - but I have an anecdote.

The first is from the wedding of my now ex's older brother. The wedding itself was fine, in a nice little Methodist church outside of Baltimore, and everything was going fine (well, except for the bride's father mistaking an Indonesian friend of the middle brother for one of the waitstaff and proceeding to insult him...) until we get to the part where the ministers are making their little speeches. There were two ministers officiating, a man and a woman. The woman goes first. "Here we are today, gathered together on this beautiful day. Beth and Jean look beautiful. All of you look beautiful. This church is beautiful, the weather is beautiful," AND ON AND ON! She must have used the word beautiful every other word for a good 10 minutes! To make matters worse, the middle brother started to feel as though he was going to pass out and looked as pale as death, and hearing this minister use the word beautiful so many times did nothing to help. Finally she finishes (no disrespect but we all kinda wondered what she was on...), and the other minister goes up and says "Yes, everyone looks beautiful, even Bill! (the bride's dad).

[ForeverRoses]

Ah the memories. My husband has a friend from college, we'll call her "Squeeky". Anyway, Squeeky married her college boyfriend who decided half-way through college to become a minister, so he dropped out and went to the seminary.
Their wedding took place in the chapel at the seminary and the director of the seminary was the officiant. During the vows he told Squeeky that now that she was entering the bonds of marriage, it was her duty to submit to her husband's wishes. At this point my own husband had to lean over to ask me to release his hand because I was squeezing it so hard it was about to break.
I remember Squeeky had to make all kinds of vows but her husband only had to pledge to love and honor her. I distinctly remember that Squueky was vowing things and her husband was pledging them. Not sure why the difference in language.

Anyway, the reception was in a hall at the seminary, and when we get there, all we see is a cake. After standing around for about half an hour a guy comes in with a boombox that looked straight out of 1987 (this was in 1998) and puts a Christian music tape on- and not contemporary Christian, but very traditional old-school stuff. Finally the bride and groom arrive, they cut the cake (no mints, no nuts) and someone pulls out some 2-litres. Everyone helps themselves to cake and we sit down, waiting for the reception to "begin", then the throw the bouquet. No garter toss- against seminary rules- it's considered "lewd". Also no first dance or any dancing for that matter becuase it's also against seminary rules. So about 15 minutes after the cake was cut, all the guests were leaving.

So cut to two years later when my husband and I are getting married. We get an e-mail from Squeeky stating that she cannot come to the wedding because it is in a Catholic Church. But no hard feelings, right? And she sends us a gift- a candle holder and candle. It's pretty, but when we were opening the gifts at the brunch the day after our wedding, one of my husband's groomsmen mentions that the candle holder looks very familiar. Turns out it was the gift that he had given Squeeky.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Here's one that still makes me laugh.

A friend of mine went to a very fancy & gorgeous wedding at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove. I remember she showed me the invitation and it stated that the wedding was black-tie so of course, she is dressed up & her boyfriend is in a tux. She told me it was an absolutely stunning wedding ceremony.
Then the reception started. It was in the basketball gym of their local rec center. She was told that there would be a buffet so after the ceremony, she's thinking they'll be having some sort of fancy dinner but instead, the guests were each given one Styrofoam cup with their name put on it in Sharpie marker b/c there were not enough cups to go around so you better not lose it. And it got worse. For "dinner" the guests stood in a buffet line so that they could be given a plastic plate with 8 ritz crackers (no joke) and there was a HUGE wedge of cheddar cheese that some old lady was giving each guest 2 small pieces from it. They also got a little bit of fruit. They got one ladle of punch and the wedding cake was a sheetcake with the bride & groom's picture on it. That's it.

My friend couldn't believe it and when she told me, I couldn't stop laughing.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I remember Squeeky had to make all kinds of vows but her husband only had to pledge to love and honor her. I distinctly remember that Squueky was vowing things and her husband was pledging them. Not sure why the difference in language.

It's a biblical thing. Most churches don't take it to that extreme, but the language is in First Corinthians, I believe. I don't remember the exact wording - as we did our vows in Spanish.

Also, if you've ever read the Five Languages of Love, it makes more sense.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by mystikchick

Aahh these stories are hilarious! I don't have a 'worst' wedding story per say - but I have an anecdote.

The first is from the wedding of my now ex's older brother. The wedding itself was fine, in a nice little Methodist church outside of Baltimore, and everything was going fine (well, except for the bride's father mistaking an Indonesian friend of the middle brother for one of the waitstaff and proceeding to insult him...) until we get to the part where the ministers are making their little speeches. There were two ministers officiating, a man and a woman. The woman goes first. "Here we are today, gathered together on this beautiful day. Beth and Jean look beautiful. All of you look beautiful. This church is beautiful, the weather is beautiful," AND ON AND ON! She must have used the word beautiful every other word for a good 10 minutes! To make matters worse, the middle brother started to feel as though he was going to pass out and looked as pale as death, and hearing this minister use the word beautiful so many times did nothing to help. Finally she finishes (no disrespect but we all kinda wondered what she was on...), and the other minister goes up and says "Yes, everyone looks beautiful, even Bill! (the bride's dad).

oh that is just awful! [tangent] i was at an afterwork event where my (Indian) co-worker was wearing a black skirt, white blouse and a pinstriped vest and at least 2 co-workers asked her for hors d'oeuvres. she was like, "well, im never wearing THIS outfit again!"

[OneTimeSBX]

i. am. eloping.

i just dont understand?? i am confused thru my tears of laughter!

i havent been to any completely disastrous weddings, some of them just had moments where everyone kinda looked at each other like "wha?"

there was the lovely reception with the nazi servers. by the the time we hit the end of the buffet line, i could still see plate. that is a big thing with me: seeing plate. that means you were being super stingy with the food.

another reception was held in a church basement. with grey concrete brick walls. how chic! there was one long decorated table, right up against the wall, which meant everyone had to squeeze to get to their seat. oh, and that table was just for the wedding party. across from them was about 4 rows of chairs. i elbowed my girlfriend and whispered "what, are we going to watch them eat?" i was halfway right. no tables for us guests.

one girl had an absolutely awful soloist, one of her aunts. we STILL laugh at that.

i think my least favorite experience was standing in southern VA, middle of July, 97 degree heat. in a full length bridesmaid gown. my daughter, the bell ringer, looked a complete frizzy mess by the time we got into the church. it had to be 80 inside, so hot that the brides veil was sticking to her forehead, and one of the jr. bridesmaids had to sit down because she felt faint. the church was slam-packed, people were standing in the back and on the sides. other than that it was a very nice wedding.

[AlphaFrog]

One of the wierdest ones I went to was my boss's daughter's Greek wedding. The Greeks all stood outside the church talking until at LEAST a half hour after the service was supposed to start. The bride (who was not Greek) finally sent the ushers outside to tell them that they were locking the church doors in 5 minutes. Then, most of the service was in Greek. And the bride and groom didn't really DO anything, and they didn't SAY anything. They just kind of stood there and watched their own wedding happen. It mostly centered around these two crowns with a ribbon tieing them together that kept being put on their heads, and then switched, and then held up, and then switched again. Finally, at the end, the bride & groom walked around the altar 3 times, and that was that. The reception was extravagant. They had a buffet 6 tables long, including a chocolate fountain...and THEN they had a sit-down dinner. The only red-neck thing that happened the whole night was the bride's family had pre-purchased all of the alcohol that the catering company served, and the groom's family just started grabbing bottles of it as they left. Full, unopened litres of Crown Royal and Grey Goose.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

One of the wierdest ones I went to was my boss's daughter's Greek wedding. The Greeks all stood outside the church talking until at LEAST a half hour after the service was supposed to start. The bride (who was not Greek) finally sent the ushers outside to tell them that they were locking the church doors in 5 minutes. Then, most of the service was in Greek. And the bride and groom didn't really DO anything, and they didn't SAY anything. They just kind of stood there and watched their own wedding happen. It mostly centered around these two crowns with a ribbon tieing them together that kept being put on their heads, and then switched, and then held up, and then switched again. Finally, at the end, the bride & groom walked around the altar 3 times, and that was that. The reception was extravagant. They had a buffet 6 tables long, including a chocolate fountain...and THEN they had a sit-down dinner. The only red-neck thing that happened the whole night was the bride's family had pre-purchased all of the alcohol that the catering company served, and the groom's family just started grabbing bottles of it as they left. Full, unopened litres of Crown Royal and Grey Goose.

maybe they thought they were wedding favors?

(shoot, if i was a tad bit classless, i'd get in on the taking too!)

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

The only red-neck thing that happened the whole night was the bride's family had pre-purchased all of the alcohol that the catering company served, and the groom's family just started grabbing bottles of it as they left. Full, unopened litres of Crown Royal and Grey Goose.

i love it!!

you know, one of my fiances friends always brings his own alcohol. at one reception that was running behind due to the 4 zillion pictures that had to be taken (they are both greeks), the rest of us sat, smelling food and cursing silently to ourselves. this friend decided to liven things up, so he asked my girlfriend for her diaper bag, went to his car, and loaded the thing up with about 4 bottles of crown royal and bacardi. we took turns one by one going to the soda machine, bought a 20 oz pepsi, emptied half, and proceeded to get twisted. it didnt take very long since we all had empty stomachs, and this is the wedding i spoke about early with the buffet nazis. drunk and hungry is not a good combo...

we all (bride and groom included) went to waffle house later that night.

[OneTimeSBX]

@ Blutang...!

[carnation]

My sister-in-law briefly (thank God, only briefly) attended this weird little church before she got married. By the time of her marriage, the jerk minister had moved out of state but she insisted on having him come back and officiate at her wedding.

So when the minister started to walk out with the groomsmen, he stiffened his back and leaned back and started almost duckwalking! And my brother-in-law walked just like him to the altar! (My husband says there's a similar scene in the movie "Arthur".)

Then when the wedding party got up there, the minister said to my SIL, "In biblical days, married ladies were called "Hephzibah'. Can I call you Hephzibah?" and she nodded eagerly.So he did for the rest of the ceremony. I was a bridesmaid and I looked over at my husband and his brother, who were shaking silently with laughter behind the groom. I cut my eyes up at my husband's uncle, the soloist, behind the podium and he was making nauseated faces.

This is the same site of the Mexican wedding I mentioned earlier in the thread and I've been to many weddings there. The other awful thing that happened at one of them: the couple had just said their vows and suddenly somebody is singing "Longer" as if he were one of the Munchkins! And then we realize it's the groom and he's serious! I had to put my face down in my lap for a long time until I knew I wouldn't fall over laughing.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by carnation

The other awful thing that happened at one of them: the couple had just said their vows and suddenly somebody is singing "Longer" as if he were one of the Munchkins! And then we realize it's the groom and he's serious! I had to put my face down in my lap for a long time until I knew I wouldn't fall over laughing.

What is it with brides and grooms wanting to sing to each other at their wedding? I have been to several weddings where they break into song, and they usually don't do very well. Even if you are a great singer, the nerves of the day will get to you (or in one case, the alcohol from the night before). I have only been to one wedding where it turned out okay- but the groom was a vocal performance major in college so he knew what he was doing. The rest were just awful.

If you must sing, save it for the reception!

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

What is it with brides and grooms wanting to sing to each other at their wedding? I have been to several weddings where they break into song, and they usually don't do very well. Even if you are a great singer, the nerves of the day will get to you (or in one case, the alcohol from the night before). I have only been to one wedding where it turned out okay- but the groom was a vocal performance major in college so he knew what he was doing. The rest were just awful.

If you must sing, save it for the reception!

i never understood having a bachelor/ette party the NIGHT BEFORE your wedding day - that just seems like a recipe for disaster (ie. the bride above who overslept for her ceremony).

i mean i know bachelor/ette parties are veering from the traditional norm as far as the when, where, and even what... but as much as i enjoy unadulterated plastering in my young adulthood, please spare me the night before i walk down the aisle. i want to be ABLE to walk, not stumble reeking of Johnnie Walker and stale cigarettes. thanks.

[33girl]

I've been to lots & lots & lots of firehall/all purpose room receptions, so those don't fase me at all.

As for the "wha?" moment, one of my sisters got married and the singer at their wedding sang Forever and Ever Amen. This was bad enough but he didn't do a nice acoustic rendition, he sang to a karaoke machine. We all sat there desperately trying not to burst into laughter (hard with this crew). It became obvious later that this had been the a-hole groom's idea.

[adpiucf]

I went to a really extravagant and no-expenses spared wedding for a sorority sister in Carmel. It was a Jewish wedding on a Sunday evening, held at the The Lodge at Pebble Beach. The wedding itself was amazing... my date, however, was not...

This was a guy who had graduated from an Ivy school, good family, fraternity man, and who had up to this point behaved like a total gentleman. Our dates had been really nice and romantic, and I thought he was the cat's meow. We'd been dating for a few months...

How wrong I was...

We had driven up 5 hours from LA to Carmel and stayed overnight from Sat to Sun. He was an absolute gentleman on Saturday... and then came the Sunday wedding... He proceeded to get incredibly wasted at the wedding and had to tell everyone, "You know, I'm not Jewish, but I was Lazer Wolf in Fiddler on the Roof... in high school!"

It gets worse. He got up on our table and sang Fiddler on the Roof songs, until I pulled him down. I realized we had to get out of there. So we left the wedding early for our 5 hour drive home.

It was totally pitch-black dark outside and within the first 30 minutes of the drive, my date rolled down my window and stuck his head out of it-- like a panting dog.

Then something happened. I thought at first, "Is it snowing?"

Nope... we were driving along at about 70 MPH and my date puked out the window... and in the car... and the wind whipped around and the puke ended up all over my car, ME, my hair, you name it.

To make matters worse, when I dropped this loser off at this place in Santa Monica, he tried to kiss me goodnight!

I dropped the car off for detailing the next morning and tipped the cleaners really well!

"Lazer Wolf" sent me an apology email, but I never spoke to him again!