Too fat to recruit: or, DePauw, the Sequel

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

This whole thread bothers me because I have a sister who was born without her arm from just below the elbow down. It is the LAST thing I think about when I think about her. However it is the FIRST thing new people see when they meet her. Should she be hidden if she could maybe put off some PNMs? Does it matter that she competes and wins beauty pageants? She's gorgeous, but only has one hand. She's a great rusher, but she only has one hand. Some PNMS will NOT be able to get past that.

No way in hell would I shove her in the closet or in the kitchen or whatever just because some PNMs would make stupid judgements because of it.

-And yes being heavy is comparable. Sometimes that's just what size you are-

I wouldn't tell anyone who wanted to that they couldn't rush, but I do think weight is a little different in the sense that it gets to be a group identity as the fat group, or so people fear. It seems really unlikely that there'd be a similar fear in your sister's case.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by carnation

Well, since you don't know me from Adam, you wouldn't know. I already said that I didn't agree with what I'd observed but I was, like lyrelyre said, calling them as I saw them.

Rather than try to start something with an ad hominem attack, why don't you pm me if you have any issues with me, whoever you are?

I judge from past posts in different forums.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Let's drop the debate about whether rushees care about fat girls and whether you want superficial rushees in your chapter, and work from the following premise:

Hiding the fat girls in back will ensure more rushees pledge your chapter.

If you know that to be true, is it worth it to hurt a sister's feelings? My answer is yes. The only way for a small chapter to recover at a big school is to increase numbers.

I know I will get a lot of responses about quality over quantity, but you simply can not be a strong chapter if you are much smaller than the others. You don't have the money, you don't have the number of women volunteering their time as officers, and you don't have the presence on campus.

It's unfortunate, but it has to be done.

You are my sister and I should try to be respectful, but since what you said really offended me, I don't care. I am thankful that the women who are on our executive board are of different sizes, shapes, hair color, eye color, etc. They are unique in their own ways when it comes to looks. I would hope that NONE of them share the same opinion you have.

I am SO thankful that my chapter sisters weren't shallow. We've always accepted anyone as long as they were a fit to the chapter. Maybe there were a few here and there who were definately shallow, but for the most part everyone was welcomed.

If someone, skinny or plus size, had an odd personality that turned everyone off (and I mean EVERYONE because I've known at least one person from every sorority I've ever met that has been like this) then I can see finding something in the back for them to do. But don't tell them. There is no need for hurt feelings. These women are your SISTERS. You are supposed to have a bond with them whether you like them or not. And anyone who feels otherwise should be ashamed of themselves.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I wouldn't tell anyone who wanted to that they couldn't rush, but I do think weight is a little different in the sense that it gets to be a group identity as the fat group, or so people fear. It seems really unlikely that there'd be a similar fear in your sister's case.

Because weird or freak isn't just as much of an "identity?"
A heavy girl no more makes her entire chapter seem heavy than my pledge sister made our chapter all "freaks." (A term I use here with extreme disgust)

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Because weird or freak isn't just as much of an "identity?"
A heavy girl no more makes her entire chapter seem heavy than my pledge sister made our chapter all "freaks." (A term I use here with extreme disgust)

Because partial armlessness isn't common enough for a group to worry about it becoming a group identity is what I actually meant.

I apologize if my joking about "freak show" was offensive in the earlier context. Another poster said something about a member being so unattractive as to turn off all the PNM who saw her, and I had a hard time imaging exactly what she meant.

I may be wrong, but I don't think the appearance related crap is ever really about any one member. One girl won't make a chapter "the fat chapter" anyway. But a chapter who is under pressure from nationals to get their numbers up is struggling with image problems generally most likely; and in an image driven recruitment, part of the way to address that might seem to be to make sisters who fit the stereotype less visible.

But again, I've already said that I wouldn't handle it by hiding members during rush.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

Because partial armlessness isn't common enough for a group to worry about it becoming a group identity is what I actually meant.

I apologize if my joking about "freak show" was offensive in the earlier context. Another poster said something about a member being so unattractive as to turn off all the PNM who saw her, and I had a hard time imaging exactly what she meant.

I may be wrong, but I don't think the appearance related crap is ever really about any one member. One girl won't make a chapter "the fat chapter" anyway. But a chapter who is under pressure from nationals to get their numbers up is struggling with image problems generally most likely; and in an image driven recruitment, part of the way to address that might seem to be to make sisters who fit the stereotype less visible.

But again, I've already said that I wouldn't handle it by hiding members during rush.

I didn't even notice your comment about freak show, I only said something because I hate even thinking about someone calling my sister names and she probably handles it with much more grace than I ever would (she's smart as well as gorgeous, in med school. Some people have all the luck) but I'm a bit of a momma bear when it comes to my sisters and my friends.

I equate telling an overweight girl to stay out of sight because of her weight with someone telling my sister to stay out of sight because of her arm. I don't know if this order/"request" came from the national officer or came about because of pressure from the officer or whatever, it's still wrong.

I was ok with saying there could be other issues here but some other posters think that even if she has a great personality, etc. she shouldn't be surprised to be asked to stay away. How many times have we heard that recruitment is 24/7/365? Sisterhood is the same thing. You aren't a sister when it's convenient, you're a sister for life.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I didn't even notice your comment about freak show, I only said something because I hate even thinking about someone calling my sister names and she probably handles it with much more grace than I ever would (she's smart as well as gorgeous, in med school. Some people have all the luck) but I'm a bit of a momma bear when it comes to my sisters and my friends.

I equate telling an overweight girl to stay out of sight because of her weight with someone telling my sister to stay out of sight because of her arm. I don't know if this order/"request" came from the national officer or came about because of pressure from the officer or whatever, it's still wrong.

I was ok with saying there could be other issues here but some other posters think that even if she has a great personality, etc. she shouldn't be surprised to be asked to stay away. How many times have we heard that recruitment is 24/7/365? Sisterhood is the same thing. You aren't a sister when it's convenient, you're a sister for life.

You are a sister for life 24/7/365 if you want to be. But the reality at some campuses is that if your chapter ends up with an image problem, you have to figure out how to still have successful recruitments or your going to be alum early because your chapter is closed.

I think telling a member to stay away during recruitment is unacceptable. I think hiding a member in the kitchen or encouraging her to be a Rho Chi/Gamma so PNM won't know what groups she's in is unacceptable.

But the appearance of your members is a factor at some recruitments, and you have to figure out how to best present yourselves to PNMs. That's just an unfortunate reality.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

You aren't a sister when it's convenient, you're a sister for life.

Absolutely.

[Thetagirl218]

I am going to echo something that has been said in a couple of posts:

Its not all about outside apperances! Sure being well-groomed is one things, but IMO to expect all the girls of a sorority chapter to look like barbie dolls is just plain ridculious! There are girls in my chapter who were made to fit into size 2's and 4's, I will never be one of those girls! I am not overweight, just big boned, and I don't think I have worn a size 5 since I was 14, before the hips came in!
I am proud that my chapter is a mix of girls of all sizes. I think it makes everyone feel comfortable in their own skin. Personality is always key, just because someone is pretty and skinny, does not been she will make a great member!

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I wouldn't tell anyone who wanted to that they couldn't rush, but I do think weight is a little different in the sense that it gets to be a group identity as the fat group, or so people fear. It seems really unlikely that there'd be a similar fear in your sister's case.

If you apply that thinking, then those same people would think that that was the "armless" peoples' house, just because one sister happened to have a physical disability. Whatever way you look at it, it's the same ignorance and shallow thinking.