A question for the Pretty Boys from a Pretty Girl.....

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by Sugar08

Question for all:

Does it matter to you how many men a woman has slept with (she has no children); is there an upper limit?

Follow-up question:

What about if she's not happy with the number of women you have slept with?

Ladies, if you'd like to answer, please reverse the pronouns.

I feel that a man should be held to the same standard that they place on women. Men always preach about how they don't want a woman who has been around the block a lot. Well, the same standard should apply to them. Unfortunately, I find that most men feel that its ok for THEM to be around the block but NOT OK for the women to be around the block. Double standard, yes and its wrong. I think women should start holding men to same standard that they hold us to. Why should we have to accept that they've been around the block and its cool. On the other hand, coming from a christian standpoint of view, its wrong to judge someone based on their past. What should matter is what they are doing after they have chosen to be in a relationship with you.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

I feel that a man should be held to the same standard that they place on women. Men always preach about how they don't want a woman who has been around the block a lot. Well, the same standard should apply to them. Unfortunately, I find that most men feel that its ok for THEM to be around the block but NOT OK for the women to be around the block. Double standard, yes and its wrong. I think women should start holding men to same standard that they hold us to. Why should we have to accept that they've been around the block and its cool. On the other hand, coming from a christian standpoint of view, its wrong to judge someone based on their past. What should matter is what they are doing after they have chosen to be in a relationship with you.

This is what I was getting at. I've come across many men who hold their significant other to the double-standard and I was trying to find out what GCers had to say.

[Infamous12]

I agree with 357 Nupe. Your past is your past and mine is mine. As long as that number doesn't increase while you're with me, we're straight.

But trust and believe, if your past is still present (i.e. - notorious reputation of being a slore, lol) then I will NOT be in your future. Sorry for ya!

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

It's funny you say that, because there's a woman at my church who has a son a little younger than I am. She told us once that his father has six different kids by six different women. I'm not sure what number she was.

Originally Posted by Sugar08

Question for all:

Does it matter to you how many men a woman has slept with (she has no children); is there an upper limit?

I don't have a limit, just whatever I'm comfortable with. Yes, I feel that it's my business, even outside of the baby mama drama and the "I might catch something" fear. Ex partners are BAGGAGE even without sex in the mix. I'm sorry, but I like to travel light. I have enough baggage of my own without adding your carry-ons. If I feel like you're carrying a load that I'm not strong enough to deal with, then I'll let you go find someone else who is so we can both be happy.

Now, the number isn't always important. I recently stopped dating a guy because his baggage off his ONE past relationship was too much--years of having sex with her had put them on this emotional level that he tried to recreate with me, right off the bat. He always respected me and never even asked for sex, but I swear, everytime he looked at me, his eyes were calling me her name. I'll fight for my man, but I can't compete with someone who's not there anymore. So, if I have to take man with 3 rolley-bags over man with 1 footlocker, then sobeit.

[PrettyBoy]

I do think it's a double standard for a man to say he wants a virgin or a woman who hasn't been around the block when he's been a hoe himself. Me personally, if a woman has slept with more than 3 she has no chance with me. I haven't been around the block, and I've never been a hoe, therefore I don't want a hoe or a woman that's been around the block. Fortunately, I CAN actually say I want a woman that's been with 2 or less without being a hypocrite. I've had several chances to be a player/hoe, but I turned it down everytime. It's not, nor has it ever been my thing. If a woman has kids, that's great for the men that are cool with it, but for me I don't have any kids so I don't want a woman with kids. Other than my student loan that I have to pay back, I have no baggage therefore I don't want to carry someone elses bags. In my past, I've always ended up dating women who have been out there, and I just got tired of it. Why should I have to be way down the line after all these other trifling jokers?

Since it was so hard for me to find a decent woman, I had given up and became celebate for 4 years. I wanted to wait for my ideal girl, someone who hasn't or doesn't hoe around. Someone who has been with the same or less men than I've been with women. I think it's only fair. Some people don't care, but I do.

When a woman ask me how many intimate relationships I've been in, I have no shame in my game. I tell the truth and hopefully she'll do the same. In my past they just kept lying to me. Well, don't sleep around if it's something you're not going to be proud of or something that you feel you have to lie about. I'm not perfect, no one is, but the high number of sexual partners, women with kids, past bad boys, and cheaters is something that I can't get down with. There's my 2 cents.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I do think it's a double standard for a man to say he wants a virgin or a woman who hasn't been around the block when he's been a hoe himself. Me personally, if a woman has slept with more than 3 she has no chance with me. I haven't been around the block, and I've never been a hoe, therefore I don't want a hoe or a woman that's been around the block. Fortunately, I CAN actually say I want a woman that's been with 2 or less without being a hypocrite. I've had several chances to be a player/hoe, but I turned it down everytime. It's not, nor has it ever been my thing. If a woman has kids, that's great for the men that are cool with it, but for me I don't have any kids so I don't want a woman with kids. Other than my student loan that I have to pay back, I have no baggage therefore I don't want to carry someone elses bags. In my past, I've always ended up dating women who have been out there, and I just got tired of it. Why should I have to be way down the line after all these other trifling jokers?

Since it was so hard for me to find a decent woman, I had given up and became celebate for 4 years. I wanted to wait for my ideal girl, someone who hasn't or doesn't hoe around. Someone who has been with the same or less men than I've been with women. I think it's only fair. Some people don't care, but I do.

When a woman ask me how many intimate relationships I've been in, I have no shame in my game. I tell the truth and hopefully she'll do the same. In my past they just kept lying to me. Well, don't sleep around if it's something you're not going to be proud of or something that you feel you have to lie about. I'm not perfect, no one is, but the high number of sexual partners, women with kids, past bad boys, and cheaters is something that I can't get down with. There's my 2 cents.

That is awesome that you are a man who actually believes in celibacy. Wow. I can say that I agree with most of your points except one. I am going to tell you something that a great man of God said to me. He said some of you are still single because you reject the blessing because it does not come in the package that you want. Most of the greatest gifts in the body of Christ come from the school of hard knocks. I had to learn the hard way how to get off my high horse of judgment and sit in the seat of humility. The very girl that you may turn away because she does not have this or she wears that or she did this or that 8 -10 years ago, is the very one that may be THEE ONE. But because of the seat that you are sitting at, you can't see her.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

The very girl that you may turn away because she does not have this or she wears that or she did this or that 8 -10 years ago, is the very one that may be THEE ONE. But because of the seat that you are sitting at, you can't see her.

I really like this, IncontRHOllable. I think that using past behavior as an indicator of future behavior works... some of the time. But people DO change. Some of the greatest people are ones who did, well, immature things in their youth. To completely dismiss a woman or man as "used" based on what they did during a particular time in their life is short-sighted. And really, the only person missing out is the person doing the dismissing.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by Sugar08

I really like this, IncontRHOllable. I think that using past behavior as an indicator of future behavior works... some of the time. But people DO change. Some of the greatest people are ones who did, well, immature things in their youth. To completely dismiss a woman or man as "used" based on what they did during a particular time in their life is short-sighted. And really, the only person missing out is the person doing the dismissing.

We're riding down the same street.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

That is awesome that you are a man who actually believes in celibacy. Wow. I can say that I agree with most of your points except one. I am going to tell you something that a great man of God said to me. He said some of you are still single because you reject the blessing because it does not come in the package that you want. Most of the greatest gifts in the body of Christ come from the school of hard knocks. I had to learn the hard way how to get off my high horse of judgment and sit in the seat of humility. The very girl that you may turn away because she does not have this or she wears that or she did this or that 8 -10 years ago, is the very one that may be THEE ONE. But because of the seat that you are sitting at, you can't see her.

I just don't believe in sleeping around, and I prefer a woman who believes in the same. IncontRHOllable, I see your point and it makes sense, but at the same time while I do believe God sends us our mates, he only sends the right one, because he makes no mistakes. He sends what is best for us. The enemy also sends us mates too.

I know what I want in a woman, and I know what I don't want. I'm at the age now where I feel I can actually say this, but then again I've been this way since I was 14 and nothing has changed and I'm serious as a heart attack when I say that. If I can't have the total package than I would rather be single. Some things I just cannot accept and God knows what those things are, and I know he only wants the best for me. A high number of sexual partners, and revealing clothing is unacceptable. There's no excuse for a high number of sexual partners. I don't have a high number, so I think it's only fair that I should be blessed with the same.

We all make mistakes rather it's in the past or the present, and it's not my place to judge anyone, but I know if I picked up a snake and it bit me, of course I'm not going to pick up the same snake twice. Some snakes are not poisonous, but some are. I would recognize the poisonous snake if I ran across it again, and I would do whatever I could to stay away from it. The same thing applies to women for me. In my past relationships, they were all fast dressing women who had really fast sexual past experiences, and those relationships never worked out for me, and I just got so sick and tired of dealing with the same women. My reason for my 4 year drought.

Now, I look for things in my partner that are only going to give my life a little less stress, a relationship that's not only going to benefit me, but her as well.

[pinkies up]

^^^I agree. My hubby and I had previous relationships (it was obvious due to the children we had prior to dating and marrying one another). We made it work because WE shared the same goals, and visions. We loved eachother's children as well. His was mine and mine were his. It helped that we both loved God as well. For those who are looking; stop. When you have YOUR self together, your mate will be brought to you. I'm not saying it's utophia for us because marriage is HARD WORK!! Marriage is worth it though.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

My reason for my 4 year drought.

I'm sick of my four year drought. It's about time for some rain; I'm thirsty.

That's admirable. A lot of men don't get it, they have have to knock their head fifty 'leven times before they stop messing with the same women (and I've got some prime examples I wanna slap in the back of the head right now). I just have a problem with people generalizing women (and labeling me) because they once knew a trifling woman who I happened to have something in common with. Now, if a man keeps getting burned in relationships by women who were strippers, that's different. What shoes or accessories you wear are more a reflection of culture and fashion trends, but your profession says a lot more about you as a person. Not to knock the profession, but I've never heard of a tasteful, virtuous, well-mannered stripper.

[RedVelvet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Me personally, if a woman has slept with more than 3 she has no chance with me.

When a woman ask me how many intimate relationships I've been in, I have no shame in my game. I tell the truth and hopefully she'll do the same.

So, under your "equivalent number of partners" rule, if a woman who is a virgin didn't think that you were a suitable partner, you would be ok with that? You wouldn't feel that she was judging you too harshly if she told that two previous sexual relationships meant that you had no chance with her?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by RedVelvet

So, under your "equivalent number of partners" rule, if a woman who is a virgin didn't think that you were a suitable partner, you would be ok with that? You wouldn't feel that she was judging you too harshly if she told that two previous sexual relationships meant that you had no chance with her?

Absolutely, I would be just fine with her decision. Who am I to say that she's to harsh for not choosing me because 2 partners are too many for her? I have numbers and standards because who wants to be with someone used up? Well, it may not bother you but it bothers me. I just don't want to be with a used up woman. Like I said before there's no reason why a woman has to sleep with every man she goes out with. To me that's like a used car with a used up warranty. Not worth my time. Why should I have to go behind several men that she's slept with? I'm not doing it. I did that before, and I'm done with that now. My reason for passing up other women I've gone out with.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Now, the number isn't always important. I recently stopped dating a guy because his baggage off his ONE past relationship was too much--years of having sex with her had put them on this emotional level that he tried to recreate with me, right off the bat. He always respected me and never even asked for sex, but I swear, everytime he looked at me, his eyes were calling me her name.

We are ::here::. I know what you mean. And I agree, number of partners isn't as big of a deal as the number of serious emotional connections (sad to say that in this day and age sex and emotions are often completely separate).

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Me personally, if a woman has slept with more than 3 she has no chance with me. I haven't been around the block, and I've never been a hoe, therefore I don't want a hoe or a woman that's been around the block. Fortunately, I CAN actually say I want a woman that's been with 2 or less without being a hypocrite.

That's very commendable. Hypocrisy runs rampant in a lot of relationships.

[cheerfulgreek]

I can understand the baggage part. I mean who would want someone with a ton of baggage? Some of my friends say I'm really picky. After I broke up with my x, I started dating again a couple of months later. I met this guy that I liked, but I really wanted to get to know him more. We dated a few more times until he started talking about his myspace account, and that totally lifted a red flag. I dunno, I just won't get serious with a guy who has a myspace account. I knew a married couple at my old job, and they are going through a divorce because of myspace. For some, there's nothing wrong with it, I just find it rather creepy and I think it would cause a bunch of problems for me in a relationship.