So why can't ex lovers remain friends? - Page 2

NinjaPoodle · #16 06-05-2007, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

it REALLY depends.

is it a situation of a real relationship followed by just friendship? if so i think that can work out. i've seen that more than a few times.

or is it a situation where you were just f*%ing and then you want to be just friends. if so - hell no. one of you or both of you is going to keep wanting. and if it keeps happening, well you aren't really friends. and if it stops, well somebody starts to resent. lord its juicy fun though!

Funny but I agree 100%

DaemonSeid · #17 06-05-2007, 02:07 PM

it depends on the how the relationship ended....

I am friends with 2 of my ex's and both have met my current gf.

It wasn't awkward because one fo them I have actually been friends with since high school (tried the relationship thing in our 20s and it didnt work) and the other we dated for a few months but figured out we were better as friends and have been so since........but as someone said earlier..if you haven't learned to be friends with ur ex while u were dating...why try after the fact?

Quala67 · #18 06-05-2007, 02:31 PM

I was married for 13 years, and divorced 4 years ago. My ex-husband and I are still best buddies - even tho we live 2 hrs apart, we still talk at least twice a week. I'd do darn near anything for him if he needed it - except live w/ him ever again! (and he says the same about me)

I'm remarried - and not only am I friends w/ my ex, but since my current husband and my ex have known each other and were friends for 18 years previously, THEY are friends still!

In fact, last weekend, Mr. Quala and I held a Celebration Party (since we eloped in December) for friends and family....and you know who the dj was? (only b/c I couldn't dj my own party) My ex-husband!

Ya think I oughtta go on Jerry Springer or what??

DSTCHAOS · #19 06-05-2007, 02:37 PM

I close doors. It keeps life simple when it's cut-and-dry. That doesn't mean I am angry or have any ill will toward them. I just don't believe that the average person is meant to permanently be in your life. When it's time for them to go...PEACE in a peaceful way.

But I have an ex who I'm casual acquaintances with. I don't call us "friends" because we talk or run into each other maybe once or twice a year and don't talk about anything in depth. In other words, I wouldn't talk to him about personal stuff or keep him up to date on what's going on with me. But if there was something that I needed in his field of expertise, he'd help me as I would help him. But neither of us would go too out of our way for the other. Instead, that's what REAL friends and CURRENT significant others are for.

DaemonSeid · #20 06-05-2007, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quala67

I was married for 13 years, and divorced 4 years ago. My ex-husband and I are still best buddies - even tho we live 2 hrs apart, we still talk at least twice a week. I'd do darn near anything for him if he needed it - except live w/ him ever again! (and he says the same about me)

I'm remarried - and not only am I friends w/ my ex, but since my current husband and my ex have known each other and were friends for 18 years previously, THEY are friends still!

In fact, last weekend, Mr. Quala and I held a Celebration Party (since we eloped in December) for friends and family....and you know who the dj was? (only b/c I couldn't dj my own party) My ex-husband!

Ya think I oughtta go on Jerry Springer or what??

nope...that just shows true maturity on everyone's part...better than being with someone who you broke up with and they act like a little baby because you moved on....

"if I can't have you no one can....booo hooo..."

AlexMack · #21 06-05-2007, 03:52 PM

I'm friends with a lot of my exes but my most recent ex has cut me off completely. He doesn't like people who drink and party and when I transferred schools I discovered that *shock horror* college is fun! Drinking is fun and going to a party is fun.
We didn't break up because of that, we broke up because our relationship had been dead in the water for six months and I finally worked up the courage to face it.
He cut me off because I realized that I enjoyed being sociable and started having a good time. Yeah-I restrained myself from drinking for the 18 months I was with him. I had a lot of catching up to do. So sue me.

It's a shame, we could have still been really good friends, we had a lot in common. It was his choice though.

AGDee · #22 06-05-2007, 10:37 PM

There is one ex that I remained very good friends with for a long time. However, he and I were friends first. There was always an attraction, but he was with my best friend at the time, which is how I met him. She ended up cheating on him but he and I remained friends and my friendship with her became strained. I was angry that she had treated him that way because I was close friends with both of them. He and I decided to try dating each other because there was definitely some chemistry there. However, we also found out, after about a month, that we were better as friends and went back to just being friends. He found a new gf and I started dating someone else. His gf and I used to drive up to his college to see him on Saturdays sometimes. I ended up falling in love with his roommate and the four of us double dated for my (and the other gfs) prom. I ended up going to the same college and stayed friends with Michael the whole time. It was most awkward when his roommate and I broke up though. There were occasional times, when we were both single, that we had to kind of fight the chemistry but we had such different expectations from a significant other that we knew we couldn't make a relationship work (eg. he wouldn't let his wife work ever, and I wanted a career).

I don't know if I even really consider him an "ex".. but more like a friend who I tried to date at one time, if that makes sense.

AlethiaSi · #23 06-05-2007, 11:25 PM

I am friends with pretty much all of my ex's....
my longest relationship, he was also one of my best friends. Two months after we broke up, he was with my real best friend. I was devastated and never thought I would get over it. Four months later, we're friends again, and I'm friends with the girl again. She and I will never be the same, but we're friendly (she's also one of my sorority sisters..... longggg story) He is still the same idiot I broke up with, she can have him but we're friends again, and I realize why we're not together.

so, i guess it is possible for some ex's to be friends.

GeekyPenguin · #24 06-06-2007, 12:09 AM

Ask cheerfulgreek!

Ask her what sorority she's in while you're at it.

AlwaysSAI · #25 06-07-2007, 03:40 PM

I once recieved a very useful peice of information from a person I trusted very much.

She told me that if there were real feelings involved, a meaningful friendship would never happen. The romantic aspect that was once apart of the relationship would always get in the way.

I have yet to prove her wrong.

OneTimeSBX · #26 06-07-2007, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

She told me that if there were real feelings involved, a meaningful friendship would never happen. The romantic aspect that was once apart of the relationship would always get in the way.

that seems to make very good sense. its a shame, though, when you break up and realize that friends is as far as it should have gone

susan314 · #27 06-07-2007, 06:48 PM

I'm still friends with 2 of my exes. In both circumstances, we were friends prior to dating.

One of them I dated for 2 years in college. It has been 10 years since we split up, and we've remained friends over that time. (Though we went a good 6 months or so without much contact after we split up. It was a pretty serious relationship - aside from my husband, my most serious relationship.) We're both now happily married w/children. No biggie - our spouses both know that we had previously dated and were still friends.

The other one I dated for about 6 months. It has been 6 years since we split up. (I started dating my now husband about a year after the split w/that ex.) He got married last summer. My husband and he actually have a lot in common and have struck up a friendship.

There are exes who I don't keep in touch with, of course. But with the 2 I mentioned above, they are both genuinely good people and we were genuine friends before dating - there was no reason to sacrifice that friendship, when all parties involved (me, the exes, each of our now spouses) have no problem with it.

mystikchick · #28 06-10-2007, 05:54 PM

i think it depends on how you broke up, what your relationship was like, and how mature and committed you are to staying friends. i'm friends with my ex (we were together 3 years, it's the only serious relationship of my life thus far), but as another friend said two nights ago as we bitched about boys: as long as one of you wants to jump the other (and doubly so if it's NOT just a sexual jump but a 'i want to make out with you' or something of that ilk), you cannot. you need a transition and in that transition period be prepared for major awkwardness

Animate · #29 06-10-2007, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Yes they can if the maturity level is there. Depends on the circumstances.

That about sums up our lesson for today.

Animate · #30 06-10-2007, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mystikchick

you need a transition and in that transition period be prepared for major awkwardness

Man I been going through that for a while now. And that relationship ended a while ago.