Are You Too Good For These Men?

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Wonderful1908

I would be thinking the same thing. Maybe not married but to be 35+ and an African American male and to have never been married or have kids just seems rare in this day and age.

Or divorced.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Del, we are in the same boat. I think my compromise age range is between 5 to 8 years older. I would even consider going up to 10, but I feel like that's pushing it. I'm weird when it comes down to age!

As for kids, there was a point in time that I said I would never date a man with kids. Then, it seemed as if EVERYONE that I knew and/or met had a kid. There was some sort of baby boom in the late 90s! So, I pretty much decided that I had to get over it and deal with kids. However, as I have broadened my horizons and have met more people, I have come to know that there are still LOTS of guys out there WITHOUT kids.

Being as though I have never had kids of my own, nor do I have experience with a lot of kids, I don't think that I want to date a man with kids. If he was worth it, I would consider it, but I would rather they be small kids. I don't rock too well with juveniles or pre-teens, especially if they have a crazy mother. They are in that age range where their mom can plant wicked things in their head and they can act a fool. And I'm the type of chick that will act crazy right back with them! You can work with and mold toddlers.

Ultimately, my choice is to say no to kids.

2 years below and 4 above for me. Kids? Nope unless they come out of me. I also said no to divorced guys. Too much baggage for me. I'm super picky but I can live with this and the fact that I dont date much. It's what you are willing to put up with. I'm liberal about a lot of things but when it comes to men, I'm straight old school. Forgot to add, I agree with you

[DSTCHAOS]

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

And you're right. Our society has holdover attitudes from back in the day in that if (for women) you're not married by x age, you're an old maid. For the guys, either you're gay or mentally unstable, or a mama's boy.

[skeeliteful]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

I would have to agree with you. I know a few men that are 30+, single, with no issues. Just like women, there are men out there that have characteristics/qualities that they are looking for and do not want to settle, regardless of age.

[UrbanizdSkillz]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

Would you please be my new SHEro of truth?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by skeeliteful

I would have to agree with you. I know a few men that are 30+, single, with no issues. Just like women, there are men out there that have characteristics/qualities that they are looking for and do not want to settle, regardless of age.

I know more than a few.

It's not just about settling. It's often about not wanting to be married yet. I can definitely relate to wanting to be single and independent until I (not society) decide I no longer want to be.

[Wonderful1908]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

I said 35+ for me. I will be 30 in August so I can see this but I have to be honest I can't name one male riend over 30 who either hasn't been married or has had a child by now. So to be 35+ yes its possible but I am going to say rare.

Plus 35+ black women is a different population than 35+ black men.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Wonderful1908

So to be 35+ yes its possible but I am going to say rare.

Rare in the circles you're exposed to doesn't have to translate to something being wrong with the men who aren't.

Originally Posted by Wonderful1908

Plus 35+ black women is a different population than 35+ black men.

On a surface level.

Beyond the surface we're talking about groups of people who are being judged for not being married. No one should be judged for that. And 35+ black PEOPLE tend to marry each other as opposed to marrying interracially. So the assessment of 35+ black women is connected to the assessment of 35+ black men.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by delph998

So ladies, how much of a compromise is age?

As of late, older men (33-38) have approached me. A lot of these men are really nice too and actually bring a great deal to the table. But then there's the possibility of them having children or being married before. I'm 27, no children, never been married, so I don't know how I feel about getting involved with someone with that history. I've always said that I don't want to play mom to someone else children, especially if the children are with the fathers. Then too I have met a wonderful guys with children but that question keeps popping up in my head. What do you do?

Turm that around to if you were a single Mom.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by delph998

Chaos and RefinedDiva, I totally agree with your perspectives. My sister and I are seven years apart and we get along very well, so I know that a guy seven or eight years older than me is not too old per se, but 15 years down the road that age gap would be significant!

Actually the older you get the less the age difference will matter. Will the difference between you and your sister's age grow bigger?

[ladygreek]

The only issue I see with the 35+ male (and to me there is a big differenece between 30+ and 35+) who has not been married or at least in a committed relationship is that he may have commitment phobia.

[Wonderful1908]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Rare in the circles you're exposed to doesn't have to translate to something being wrong with the men who aren't.



On a surface level.

Beyond the surface we're talking about groups of people who are being judged for not being married. No one should be judged for that. And 35+ black PEOPLE tend to marry each other as opposed to marrying interracially. So the assessment of 35+ black women is connected to the assessment of 35+ black men.

I am not judging anyone and I am exposed to many circles and yes you are correct in my circles there are few if any men over 35 who have not been married or have a child. I am sure there are plenty of great men who have never been married or have children. I am sure that most people can name one man who fits in this group but I wonder if we polled people how many know many men over 35 who have never been married or have no children. As I said I really can't think of any.

Since I am married I also probably am not as exposed to this group as much as someone dating would be. I am also not 30 or 35 so I also may not be as exposed to that group as well.

I am going to have to disagee with the point that the assesment of 35+ black women is the same as black men. I think its safe today that the amount of black women 35+ with no children and never being married exceeds that of black men, for many reasons.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

Will the difference between you and your sister's age grow bigger?

I'm an only child!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Wonderful1908

I think its safe today that the amount of black women 35+ with no children and never being married exceeds that of black men, for many reasons.

Although that isn't remotely what my post was addressing, you are correct. Black women are the least likely in our society to get married. But there are more black women 35+ who have never been married than there are with no children.