Are You Too Good For These Men?

[delph998]

So ladies, how much of a compromise is age?

As of late, older men (33-38) have approached me. A lot of these men are really nice too and actually bring a great deal to the table. But then there's the possibility of them having children or being married before. I'm 27, no children, never been married, so I don't know how I feel about getting involved with someone with that history. I've always said that I don't want to play mom to someone else children, especially if the children are with the fathers. Then too I have met a wonderful guys with children but that question keeps popping up in my head. What do you do?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by delph998

So ladies, how much of a compromise is age?

As long as you aren't old enough to have been a grown man when I was born. That means I wouldn't date men who are almost to 50.

I love men in the 37-43 range. That means you were 7-13 when I was born.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by delph998

I'm 27, no children, never been married, so I don't know how I feel about getting involved with someone with that history.

Del, we are in the same boat. I think my compromise age range is between 5 to 8 years older. I would even consider going up to 10, but I feel like that's pushing it. I'm weird when it comes down to age!

As for kids, there was a point in time that I said I would never date a man with kids. Then, it seemed as if EVERYONE that I knew and/or met had a kid. There was some sort of baby boom in the late 90s! So, I pretty much decided that I had to get over it and deal with kids. However, as I have broadened my horizons and have met more people, I have come to know that there are still LOTS of guys out there WITHOUT kids.

Being as though I have never had kids of my own, nor do I have experience with a lot of kids, I don't think that I want to date a man with kids. If he was worth it, I would consider it, but I would rather they be small kids. I don't rock too well with juveniles or pre-teens, especially if they have a crazy mother. They are in that age range where their mom can plant wicked things in their head and they can act a fool. And I'm the type of chick that will act crazy right back with them! You can work with and mold toddlers.

Ultimately, my choice is to say no to kids.

[mariet58]

This is a very interesting thread and your comments have been thought provoking.

Give me an intelligent, self-sufficient, articulate, and jack of all trades blue collar man any day. My honey is two years older than I am, former military man, has been successfully employed as a mechanic for over 25 years and has a high school diploma. He makes more money than I yet he is more emotionally attuned to me than anyone other men I've dated in the past including college educated men. He has emotionally supported me since I began working on a graduate degree in January 2006. Looks fade overtime and people grow tired of playing games. Yes, my honey wears his work uniform daily yet I know in the evening that he's there with me.

Just my .08 cents.

[delph998]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I love men in the 37-43 range. That means you were 7-13 when I was born.

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

Del, we are in the same boat. I think my compromise age range is between 5 to 8 years older. I would even consider going up to 10, but I feel like that's pushing it. I'm weird when it comes down to age!

As for kids, there was a point in time that I said I would never date a man with kids. Then, it seemed as if EVERYONE that I knew and/or met had a kid. There was some sort of baby boom in the late 90s! So, I pretty much decided that I had to get over it and deal with kids. However, as I have broadened my horizons and have met more people, I have come to know that there are still LOTS of guys out there WITHOUT kids.



Ultimately, my choice is to say no to kids.

Chaos and RefinedDiva, I totally agree with your perspectives. My sister and I are seven years apart and we get along very well, so I know that a guy seven or eight years older than me is not too old per se, but 15 years down the road that age gap would be significant! Ultimately, I need to ride the wave and let God show me who He wants me to be with. If he's older, okay. I'll deal with it.

Now, as far as kids are concerned, here's the deal. Y'all please don't laugh or think badly of me, but if guys are 35+ years old and never been married, I start to question his sexuality. I know that's wrong, but that's just the society we live in. It's really sad that women have to think about these things, but I do. I can't wait to hear how you all feel about that. I mean am I the only one that does that?

Originally Posted by mariet58

This is a very interesting thread and your comments have been thought provoking.

Give me an intelligent, self-sufficient, articulate, and jack of all trades blue collar man any day. My honey is two years older than I am, former military man, has been successfully employed as a mechanic for over 25 years and has a high school diploma. He makes more money than I yet he is more emotionally attuned to me than anyone other men I've dated in the past including college educated men. He has emotionally supported me since I began working on a graduate degree in January 2006. Looks fade overtime and people grow tired of playing games. Yes, my honey wears his work uniform daily yet I know in the evening that he's there with me.

Just my .08 cents.

Mariet, I agree with you 100% as well. Girl, I'd date and marry a man blue collar brotha any day as well. As long as he has goals and knows how to treat a queen, we're good.

[Wonderful1908]

Originally Posted by delph998

Now, as far as kids are concerned, here's the deal. Y'all please don't laugh or think badly of me, but if guys are 35+ years old and never been married, I start to question his sexuality. I know that's wrong, but that's just the society we live in. It's really sad that women have to think about these things, but I do. I can't wait to hear how you all feel about that. I mean am I the only one that does that?

I would be thinking the same thing. Maybe not married but to be 35+ and an African American male and to have never been married or have kids just seems rare in this day and age.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Wonderful1908

I would be thinking the same thing. Maybe not married but to be 35+ and an African American male and to have never been married or have kids just seems rare in this day and age.

Or divorced.

[DSTCHAOS]

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

And you're right. Our society has holdover attitudes from back in the day in that if (for women) you're not married by x age, you're an old maid. For the guys, either you're gay or mentally unstable, or a mama's boy.

[skeeliteful]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

I would have to agree with you. I know a few men that are 30+, single, with no issues. Just like women, there are men out there that have characteristics/qualities that they are looking for and do not want to settle, regardless of age.

[UrbanizdSkillz]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

Would you please be my new SHEro of truth?

[Wonderful1908]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

How many 30+ (black) women are there that we come across across everyday that aren't married? Plenty. There's nothing wrong with their sexuality or anything of that sort. People's lives just map out differently. There's no biological clock that tells people when they need to get married (or have children).

And many people will never get married. I don't assume there's something wrong with them, either.

I said 35+ for me. I will be 30 in August so I can see this but I have to be honest I can't name one male riend over 30 who either hasn't been married or has had a child by now. So to be 35+ yes its possible but I am going to say rare.

Plus 35+ black women is a different population than 35+ black men.

[delph998]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I don't understand why people see an issue with men being 30+ and never being married.

Soror, it's not an issue. It's a blessing actually, BUT with how rampid HIV/AIDS is, I can't help but question (not judge) if this guy could possibly be a down-low brotha. Is it wrong, I don't know. But it's a harsh reality for me. Soror Sheryl Lee Ralph just came and spoke on this very topic and that made it even more real to me. I guess I'm saying that I am very afraid. And truthfully, there are divorced men with children that are down low brothas, so again it's just a fear.

Ladygreek -- I agree with your comment regarding age. Like I said, my sister and I are seven years a part and you can't tell. Further 40's are the new 30's and so on.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by delph998

Chaos and RefinedDiva, I totally agree with your perspectives. My sister and I are seven years apart and we get along very well, so I know that a guy seven or eight years older than me is not too old per se, but 15 years down the road that age gap would be significant!

Actually the older you get the less the age difference will matter. Will the difference between you and your sister's age grow bigger?

[ladygreek]

The only issue I see with the 35+ male (and to me there is a big differenece between 30+ and 35+) who has not been married or at least in a committed relationship is that he may have commitment phobia.