what do i have to give back?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Ah ok.. just so you know, if you took that one to court, you'd lose. There is simply no law that says you have to return merchandise to a sorority if you cease to be associated with that group.

[that's not legal advice]

But it's an honor system thing, so I get it.

I realize there's no legal basis to it, and "honor system" is a pretty fair description. Don't think we haven't gone to someone's dorm/apt though and told us that we needed our stuff back, though.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by tld221

not that active members would disclose this to NMs, but dont "gifts" to NMs tend to come out of NM fees? of course it covers the NME and activities, but i do recall somewhere it could pay for "gifts" (i quote it because essentially you, as an NM would pay for your own stuff... which leads me to say - "hey give the girl her money back!")

I can't speak for all GLOs, of course, but I know that NM fees in my chapter went to things like Panhellenic new member dues (the per member fee that Panhel requires of each chapter), training materials (for example, workbooks w/fraternity history), social events (that the NM would typically be participating in), some meals at the house, etc.

Typically gifts were given from the sister-mother (or "big" to use other GLO terminology) to the sister-daughter ("little") and paid for out of the sister-mother's pocket. There may have been a very few token items purchased by the chapter (ex - a Bid Day shirt), but by and large the gifts came from the sister-mother.

[ErinIsBadNews]

Give everything to your Big or split it up and give a little to each of the people you're closest to. I don't think anyone can force you to give it up but it's the right thing to do. Leave them with a high opinion of you.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by susan314

I can't speak for all GLOs, of course, but I know that NM fees in my chapter went to things like Panhellenic new member dues (the per member fee that Panhel requires of each chapter), training materials (for example, workbooks w/fraternity history), social events (that the NM would typically be participating in), some meals at the house, etc.

Typically gifts were given from the sister-mother (or "big" to use other GLO terminology) to the sister-daughter ("little") and paid for out of the sister-mother's pocket. There may have been a very few token items purchased by the chapter (ex - a Bid Day shirt), but by and large the gifts came from the sister-mother.

My chapter too.

Along with one of the other posters, I hope the OP really thinks through the decision and see what other options she has. If she does decide to drop out, it is better to do it before initiation.

I never remember this happening with my chapter: I suspect we would have really wanted the new member pin, but the gifts that she would have been given as a pledge would also be, for the most part, things that wouldn't have been really for members only: we let dates wear letters on date night shirts; surely anyone could write on a lettered notepad. It'd be weird for a non-member to buy these kinds of things, but anyone could.

I agree that it's an honor system. I think that the OP, no matter what she is able to keep, should be aware that she shouldn't not wear or use any of the items once she gives up membership. If she decides not to join, she shouldn't present herself as a member or affiliated.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Ah ok.. just so you know, if you took that one to court, you'd lose. There is simply no law that says you have to return merchandise to a sorority if you cease to be associated with that group.

[that's not legal advice]

But it's an honor system thing, so I get it.

Unless you signed a paper saying that you would which is not as uncommon as you think.

My chapter usually will do a buy-back so the person can at least get some money back for what they purchased.

[1908Revelations]

I just don't see why anyone would want something that does not represent them. If she is not going to be a member then why does she need the para.

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I agree that it's an honor system. I think that the OP, no matter what she is able to keep, should be aware that she shouldn't not wear or use any of the items once she gives up membership. If she decides not to join, she shouldn't present herself as a member or affiliated.

When my last sis-dot depledged, it was really hard because she was a very enthusiastic NM that jumped at every chance to get involved. She DP-ed because her family (who initially helped to support her AGD finances) ran into some financial trouble back home. She was heartbroken and didn't want to DP, but she really had no choice.

She asked me the same question and I told her that she needed to turn in her pledge pin and NM manual/workbook. She was welcome to keep the gifts I gave her in addition to the stuff she got on Bid Night as long as she agreed not to falsely represent herself as an AGD.

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by OTW

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

I agree completely. If a person were asked to leave because she violated the ideals of the group, then I think the group should work hard to get whatever lettered stuff back that it can. If they need to buy stuff back, it's worth it.

On the other hand, when a girl of good character who the group would love to keep has to drop, it's hard to see the harm in letting her keep GLO items, with the exception of the pin and the manuals, especially things she received before initiation when she wasn't fully a member anyway.

When the dropping seems purely financial, it seems like we should start a program of short term grants within the fraternity, maybe each alumnae chapter could fund a few each year.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I agree completely. If a person were asked to leave because she violated the ideals of the group, then I think the group should work hard to get whatever lettered stuff back that it can. If they need to buy stuff back, it's worth it.

On the other hand, when a girl of good character who the group would love to keep has to drop, it's hard to see the harm in letting her keep GLO items, with the exception of the pin and the manuals, especially things she received before initiation when she wasn't fully a member anyway.

When the dropping seems purely financial, it seems like we should start a program of short term grants within the fraternity, maybe each alumnae chapter could fund a few each year.

I hear your concern, but what about a PNM is not dropping for serious reasons. There are too many 'what ifs' don't you agree? So I would think that every PNM that does not become a member should turn over all of thier stuff to prevent the judging of wether or not a PNM is sincere or not.

I guess it is hard for me to understand since we do not get ANYTHING until after we are members.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Honestly I don't think we've asked for items back when a member decided to drop...EXCEPT the new member pin or badge. I sometimes wish we did, not because they left, but because I feel like I earn my letters every day that I am an Alpha Gam (or try to, on bad days), and if they are no longer sisters, they do not.

I'd give stuff your big bought you back to her...or if she doesn't want it, give it to favorite pledge sisters. Any article of clothing should be given back...it would be fair to ask for compensation. Maybe ask if you can keep a picture frame with pictures...that reminds you of your time as a new member, but then you aren't claiming to be something you're not. I don't personally see a problem with keeping a picture frame or something small like that that is just going to be in your room.

[REE1993]

Personally, it would break my heart to keep letters and such if I depledged.

Is money the "only" reason you are depledging? Or are there additional reasons?

May I ask the amount you would need to pay? Can you get a part-time job to cover your expenses? Curb spending in other areas? I understand the financial commitments, and it must be a hard decision to make.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

I hear your concern, but what about a PNM is not dropping for serious reasons. There are too many 'what ifs' don't you agree? So I would think that every PNM that does not become a member should turn over all of thier stuff to prevent the judging of wether or not a PNM is sincere or not.

I guess it is hard for me to understand since we do not get ANYTHING until after we are members.

Sometimes you do develop deep friendships with people who can't continue their memberships. I would think that the essential judgment of their character would still be accurate, but I totally see what you are saying.

As far as your second point, I can see that as a good system, but if anything, NPC groups seem to be moving in the opposite direction; they want very few distinctions between what new members can do and what initiated members do.

I hate to see a girl who want to be a member not be able because of finances, and I'd like to see more ways that the groups could help them out. Sure, there'd be other people who try to freeload, and there are real expenses to having the group: I don't think that dues are optional. I just wish there were more ways to help members who are involved and in good standing in every other area other than having them drop.

[GDIfly]

Originally Posted by BootyKBG

Anything that has letters, name, etc. of the sorority is officially property of the sorority. This is something that would be in the bylaws and something you are supposed to be aware of once you start your involvement with the org. Legal action can technically pend should you not return the items and the sorority decides to persue it.

I understand the badge being considered "property of the sorority" since those are purchased through the national organization, but really... you want her to believe this applies to anything that has letters on it? If you buy a shirt with letters at an unaffiliated store, or paint some letters on a picture frame yourself those automatically become the sorority's property just because they have some greek symbols on them? I don't think so.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

In many chapters, the gifts you get from a big come out of her own pocket, NOT any sort of chapter fees.

I think the OP should ask her big, instead of asking it here. If it is something that has no value (i.e. written letters) or could not be re-gifted (a picture frame with her name on it), she may be able to keep it, as long as she doesn't have it on display. On the other hand, I can't imagine apparel being okay in any circumstances.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by OTW

When my last sis-dot depledged, it was really hard because she was a very enthusiastic NM that jumped at every chance to get involved. She DP-ed because her family (who initially helped to support her AGD finances) ran into some financial trouble back home. She was heartbroken and didn't want to DP, but she really had no choice.

She asked me the same question and I told her that she needed to turn in her pledge pin and NM manual/workbook. She was welcome to keep the gifts I gave her in addition to the stuff she got on Bid Night as long as she agreed not to falsely represent herself as an AGD.

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

see that just sucks - no organization should lose someone purely because of money constraints. i know its what keeps our orgs alive, but there should be a better way. she couldve been your future sorority president! (ok a bit extreme, but you get my drift)

im just wondering does the average PNM who had to depledge for monetary reasons even WANT to keep para around? it seems like a reminder of what couldve been.