what do i have to give back?

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I agree that it's an honor system. I think that the OP, no matter what she is able to keep, should be aware that she shouldn't not wear or use any of the items once she gives up membership. If she decides not to join, she shouldn't present herself as a member or affiliated.

When my last sis-dot depledged, it was really hard because she was a very enthusiastic NM that jumped at every chance to get involved. She DP-ed because her family (who initially helped to support her AGD finances) ran into some financial trouble back home. She was heartbroken and didn't want to DP, but she really had no choice.

She asked me the same question and I told her that she needed to turn in her pledge pin and NM manual/workbook. She was welcome to keep the gifts I gave her in addition to the stuff she got on Bid Night as long as she agreed not to falsely represent herself as an AGD.

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by OTW

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

I agree completely. If a person were asked to leave because she violated the ideals of the group, then I think the group should work hard to get whatever lettered stuff back that it can. If they need to buy stuff back, it's worth it.

On the other hand, when a girl of good character who the group would love to keep has to drop, it's hard to see the harm in letting her keep GLO items, with the exception of the pin and the manuals, especially things she received before initiation when she wasn't fully a member anyway.

When the dropping seems purely financial, it seems like we should start a program of short term grants within the fraternity, maybe each alumnae chapter could fund a few each year.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I agree completely. If a person were asked to leave because she violated the ideals of the group, then I think the group should work hard to get whatever lettered stuff back that it can. If they need to buy stuff back, it's worth it.

On the other hand, when a girl of good character who the group would love to keep has to drop, it's hard to see the harm in letting her keep GLO items, with the exception of the pin and the manuals, especially things she received before initiation when she wasn't fully a member anyway.

When the dropping seems purely financial, it seems like we should start a program of short term grants within the fraternity, maybe each alumnae chapter could fund a few each year.

I hear your concern, but what about a PNM is not dropping for serious reasons. There are too many 'what ifs' don't you agree? So I would think that every PNM that does not become a member should turn over all of thier stuff to prevent the judging of wether or not a PNM is sincere or not.

I guess it is hard for me to understand since we do not get ANYTHING until after we are members.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Honestly I don't think we've asked for items back when a member decided to drop...EXCEPT the new member pin or badge. I sometimes wish we did, not because they left, but because I feel like I earn my letters every day that I am an Alpha Gam (or try to, on bad days), and if they are no longer sisters, they do not.

I'd give stuff your big bought you back to her...or if she doesn't want it, give it to favorite pledge sisters. Any article of clothing should be given back...it would be fair to ask for compensation. Maybe ask if you can keep a picture frame with pictures...that reminds you of your time as a new member, but then you aren't claiming to be something you're not. I don't personally see a problem with keeping a picture frame or something small like that that is just going to be in your room.

[REE1993]

Personally, it would break my heart to keep letters and such if I depledged.

Is money the "only" reason you are depledging? Or are there additional reasons?

May I ask the amount you would need to pay? Can you get a part-time job to cover your expenses? Curb spending in other areas? I understand the financial commitments, and it must be a hard decision to make.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

I hear your concern, but what about a PNM is not dropping for serious reasons. There are too many 'what ifs' don't you agree? So I would think that every PNM that does not become a member should turn over all of thier stuff to prevent the judging of wether or not a PNM is sincere or not.

I guess it is hard for me to understand since we do not get ANYTHING until after we are members.

Sometimes you do develop deep friendships with people who can't continue their memberships. I would think that the essential judgment of their character would still be accurate, but I totally see what you are saying.

As far as your second point, I can see that as a good system, but if anything, NPC groups seem to be moving in the opposite direction; they want very few distinctions between what new members can do and what initiated members do.

I hate to see a girl who want to be a member not be able because of finances, and I'd like to see more ways that the groups could help them out. Sure, there'd be other people who try to freeload, and there are real expenses to having the group: I don't think that dues are optional. I just wish there were more ways to help members who are involved and in good standing in every other area other than having them drop.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

I guess it is hard for me to understand since we do not get ANYTHING until after we are members.

Exactly. The first time I heard of giving gifts to NP BEFORE becoming a member is on GC.

It seems to me that regardless of her character or the reasons that she DP, if you are not a member of the org then simply give the lettered items back.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by OTW

When my last sis-dot depledged, it was really hard because she was a very enthusiastic NM that jumped at every chance to get involved. She DP-ed because her family (who initially helped to support her AGD finances) ran into some financial trouble back home. She was heartbroken and didn't want to DP, but she really had no choice.

She asked me the same question and I told her that she needed to turn in her pledge pin and NM manual/workbook. She was welcome to keep the gifts I gave her in addition to the stuff she got on Bid Night as long as she agreed not to falsely represent herself as an AGD.

I knew that she was an honest person who we could trust, and I had no problem letting her keep the stuff. Even though she's since moved back to San Diego, we still keep in touch to this day. She keeps her AGD stuff in keepsake box that she brings out from time to time. It's nice knowing that she can still fondly look back at her short time as an AGD New Member.

So..while I can see the reasoning behind giving the lettered things back, I really think it depends on the circumstances of the DP and what kind of person he/she is.

see that just sucks - no organization should lose someone purely because of money constraints. i know its what keeps our orgs alive, but there should be a better way. she couldve been your future sorority president! (ok a bit extreme, but you get my drift)

im just wondering does the average PNM who had to depledge for monetary reasons even WANT to keep para around? it seems like a reminder of what couldve been.