How do you trust someone?

[James]

Well statutory could mean that he was 18 and she was 14. Think Seniors in high school dating freshmen.

So it really depends. Originally, sex offender laws were not meant to cover people like that . . but they do.

This one guy got sentenced to 8 years in prison for having a girlfriend that was 4 years and 10 days younger than him . . senior and freshman again. It was the ten days that did him in.

Originally Posted by smiley21

Honestly, if I saw that a guy was on the sex offender list, I would not have to start a thread wondering if I could trust him. Stay away. There are plenty of guys out there. You don't need to get involved with a sex offender.

[AchtungBaby80]

The thing about how he insisted on meeting alone instead of in public (and made you come to him) as well as the part where he got mad because you wouldn't do things his way raised red flags for me even before I read that you found out he was on the sex offender list. Several years ago I briefly dated a gentleman who acted very similarly and he ended up being emotionally manipulative which escalated into nearly physical violence (I say 'nearly physical' because I at least had the sense to get out--quick!), so every time I hear friends say things like that about new guys they're seeing, I tell them to be careful. And just as an aside, this particular gentleman was accused of raping a girl at college.

I'm sort of wary about meeting people online, but I know plenty of people who have done it and they've met really cool people that way. I guess it's sort of like meeting people in bars (except you can't actually see them)...it seems kind of skeezy because there are probably plenty of shady people, but also some nice folks, too.

And no, PM_Mama, I don't think what you did was weird. I think it was being smart. You never know.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by smiley21

Honestly, if I saw that a guy was on the sex offender list, I would not have to start a thread wondering if I could trust him. Stay away. There are plenty of guys out there. You don't need to get involved with a sex offender.

I wasn't asking how I trust him.... just how do you trust people at all. Any new person you, without having some kind of connection to them, could be anyone. So how to you try to trust people you JUST met?

Originally Posted by James

Well statutory could mean that he was 18 and she was 14. Think Seniors in high school dating freshmen.

So it really depends. Originally, sex offender laws were not meant to cover people like that . . but they do.

This one guy got sentenced to 8 years in prison for having a girlfriend that was 4 years and 10 days younger than him . . senior and freshman again. It was the ten days that did him in.

I have a friend from high school like this. They were I think 3 or 4 years apart and her parents found out they had sex and charged him with statutory. He did quite a long time and it was all over our neighborhood news.

ETA: I asked the website what their policy on sex offenders are and they said they remove their profiles immediately, so obviously I reported him. So he doesn't find out it was me, I'm playing how to lose a guy in 10 minutes with him. I'm gona pretend to be the psycho.

[James]

I think Auchtungbaby is right about red flags other than the stautory situation.

Not wanting to meet in public is an odd guy. As a male I would want to meet a girl I had no previously established relationship with in public, easier to escape that way.

I mean if you had been talking to this guy forever, I can see that you might be more willing to meet up with him in private, but still, once you suggested a public venue he should have fallen right in line.

Plus he got mad about it. Why would he get mad? You weren't rejecting him. Would he have gotten mad if you suggested a diferent movie? Or different restaraunt? Same type of thing in my mind.

[AGDee]

I'm glad you picked up on the red flags before meeting this guy. Stick to your rules and if you ever have any doubts, then don't meet him.

You should come over sometime this summer and meet my next door neighbor's son.. mechanical engineer, Italian, cute (in a "boy next door" kinda way) nice guy (mows my lawn sometimes and helps me with household emergencies sometimes), and I think a year or two older than you!

[Rudey]

James were you the guy?

-Rudey

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by Rudey

James were you the guy?

-Rudey

No this guy, I think, has a penis. James is still trying to find his.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'm glad you picked up on the red flags before meeting this guy. Stick to your rules and if you ever have any doubts, then don't meet him.

You should come over sometime this summer and meet my next door neighbor's son.. mechanical engineer, Italian, cute (in a "boy next door" kinda way) nice guy (mows my lawn sometimes and helps me with household emergencies sometimes), and I think a year or two older than you!

Is this the same boy who made a snowman on your lawn that one time? Lol I probably know him. Could you PM me his name? Lol I hope it's not a relative! I've found that Italian boys like skinny girls though. Who knows?

[christiangirl]

Nothing wrong with investigating. I used to work in a security office, so I run "mini background checks" on people all the time.

I've met 2 guys on the net. The first one kept insisting that I meet him in private instead of public. He wasn't forceful, but it was still weird. It turns out sex wasn't the only reason for that--he was engaged and didn't want to risk being seen in public by his fiance or one of her friends.

The second said he used to be some hot shot football player in college, so I Googled him before agreeing to meet him. He was everything he said he was and things are great.

[smiley21]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

I wasn't asking how I trust him.... just how do you trust people at all. Any new person you, without having some kind of connection to them, could be anyone. So how to you try to trust people you JUST met?

That's just it. You don't need to trust people who you have just met. People need to earn your trust. And we (especially women) need to protect ourselves when getting involved with different people. Pay attention to all of these red flags this guy is giving you. People like this should not have our trust. Forget the sex offender stuff. Just look at the way he is already trying to control you by saying how you guys should meet. I can already sense things are going to get worse if you continue with him. When it comes to internet dating, I think guys and girls should take proactive steps in learning about the person so that you are comfortable. If people cannot respect that, then screw them. You can find someone better.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by smiley21

That's just it. You don't need to trust people who you have just met. People need to earn your trust. And we (especially women) need to protect ourselves when getting involved with different people. Pay attention to all of these red flags this guy is giving you. People like this should not have our trust. Forget the sex offender stuff. Just look at the way he is already trying to control you by saying how you guys should meet. I can already sense things are going to get worse if you continue with him. When it comes to internet dating, I think guys and girls should take proactive steps in learning about the person so that you are comfortable. If people cannot respect that, then screw them. You can find someone better.

Definitely done with him. He creeped me out at first but I thought "hmm maybe it's just me". But yeah... def gone.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by smiley21

When it comes to internet dating, I think guys and girls should take proactive steps in learning about the person so that you are comfortable. If people cannot respect that, then screw them. You can find someone better.

I think that's true for dating anyone. When I met the current Mr. Munch (in real life), he gave me his business card--and of course before I accepted the first date, I did a small bit of reconaissance to make sure that his story lined up. Unless I know a guy through friends, I always do a little research to make sure he doesn't have kids and a wife, or a criminal record, before accepting a date. It might be unromantic, but I'm alive.

[ziasha07]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It might be unromantic, but I'm alive.

So true.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think that's true for dating anyone. When I met the current Mr. Munch (in real life), he gave me his business card--and of course before I accepted the first date, I did a small bit of reconaissance to make sure that his story lined up. Unless I know a guy through friends, I always do a little research to make sure he doesn't have kids and a wife, or a criminal record, before accepting a date. It might be unromantic, but I'm alive.

My best friend had a friend set her up with one of her co-workers and he turned out to be married. Nobody at his WORK even knew he was married. Too weird.

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Is this the same boy who made a snowman on your lawn that one time? Lol I probably know him. Could you PM me his name? Lol I hope it's not a relative! I've found that Italian boys like skinny girls though. Who knows?

I think it was his brother who did the snowman thing, he's a few years younger and a bit more wild. I PMd you though.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think that's true for dating anyone. When I met the current Mr. Munch (in real life), he gave me his business card--and of course before I accepted the first date, I did a small bit of reconaissance to make sure that his story lined up. Unless I know a guy through friends, I always do a little research to make sure he doesn't have kids and a wife, or a criminal record, before accepting a date. It might be unromantic, but I'm alive.

I think this is standard and safe dating behavior - I was introduced to my boyfriend through mutual friends and I still asked them if he was for real, what his deal was, etc. It's always better to be safe.

PM_Mama, this guy sounds really sketchy and like one of my future clients. I'd stay away. Most guys who have a statutory rape for something like that are much more up front about it.