Dilema

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

adpiucf is giving good advice. You can also speak to your chapter advisors and get their input.

Don't talk to your chapter advisors, they won't help you at all, with anything. Ever. Sorry, but as a new chapter, they think you will probably fail within the first couple of years. Sad but true.

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

That being said, you won't gain the respect of other chapters untill you start winning stuff. Intramurals, President cup, etc.

Also, unforetunetly, male adolencese doesn't end until about 25, so that means that you will probably have to fight another fraternity, if your campus is like mine was.

Actually, if you go through your college expericence without another group wanting to fight you because they are jealous I will be surprised.

Also, make sure that everyone gets in because of HIMSELF not his sexual orientation, etc.

[amanda6035]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Don't talk to your chapter advisors, they won't help you at all, with anything. Ever. Sorry, but as a new chapter, they think you will probably fail within the first couple of years. Sad but true.

That's the most ignorant piece of BS I've ever heard. New chapters struggle, yes, but give the advisors a little more credit than that.

OP - listen to adpiucf. She's hit the nail on the head.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

This would be my suggestion. The problem is, though, it's hard to enforce.

[LPIDelta]

This is where setting recruitment standards for your chapter would come into play. If you establish standards like a certain GPA or previous involvement in community service or involvement in another campus org as a standard that all potential new members must meet, regardless of personal background, then quality will become the reputation of chapter, not the personal attributes of a few of your members.

Does your fraternity have a discrimination clause re: sexual orientation?

ETA: Also, if you want other groups to accept you while developing a positive image, you may want to make sure you mix with all the groups, join the groups with their philanthropy projects, and get involved with planning all Greek events.

[LaneSig]

schiller75-

I agree with the "No dating within the chapter" policy. I don't agree with the "Don't talk with the advisors" or "They expect you to fail". You are a new chapter, the advisors are there to help you. If they expected you to fail, they never would have started the colony/chapter in the first place. Advisors are not just "old fogeys" who don't know what it is like to be in college. They may not have had to deal with this issue as undergrads themselves, but they can help with setting standards for membership.

[shinerbock]

I agree with RU. Chapter advisors usually don't help at all. This is a tough spot though.

[schiller75]

Thanks everyone, at least I know I am not alone in my concern. I will keep you posted on what happens.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Whether chapter advisors help probably varies from chapter to chapter. My chapter's advisors were crucial to our success as a new chapter...there's no way we would've known the right way to do things without their help.

Also, what RU said about fighting a fraternity? Never happened on my campus (that I knew of), and sounds more like gang warfare to me. Do you really want to associate yourselves with that kind of behavior either? Winning things is important, yes, but I'd limit it to the stuff that greeks usually brag about...chapter of the year, grades, intramurals, greek week, spring sing/songfest, sorority philanthropies, etc. You want members that are honorable, not thugs.

[Stef the Pef]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Make a rule: no dating brothers. That is the same as no dating the dream girl, which is probably a good idea, having someone's girlfriend as dreamgirl causes nothing but drama. Trust me.

Ding ding ding. I love the fact that your fraternity is open to gay brothers, but where it gets sticky is the idea that brothers-dating-brothers could turn sour and cause some to leave because of dating drama. Make sure everyone knows that a fraternity is a commitment for life, and a commitment to the rest of the chapter and the rest of the membership as well. Don't get pressured into giving "boyfriend bids" if you feel the mister isn't a good fit for the chapter.

adpiucf's advice is dead-on. Consult the chapter leadership, the advisors, and try to avoid drama as much as possible with the bylaw thing. Also, I'd try talking to the gay members who've already become part of the chapter and make sure they're cool with a "no dating brothers" bylaw clause. Even though you're trying to avoid drama by going straight to the leadership, it might create drama when they see that someone in the chapter didn't consult them when making chapter decisions that relate to their lifestyle.

And like everyone else has said--I wouldn't worry that your house is becoming "the gay house" or not if you continue to put what's important to the fraternity first: initiating brothers who are a good fit for the house and striving for success in everything you do (be it intramurals, greek week, or whatever). Keep doing what you're doing and it looks like you'll be fine.

Good luck!

[Tom Earp]

What is the old saying, "Be A Bigger Person".

There is book that I received from a fellow Brother that you may want to order.

"Out On Fraternity Row".

It gives an idea of what you are talking about.

Many times Members will keep being gay a secret and are great Brothers.

Oh, I am not Gay, and when they come out, they are ostrocized and that is wrong!

The question is, are they an asset to your chapter. Are they helping your chapter.

Dating, well that i am not sure about.