Would you marry someone in the military?

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Would you marry a woman who weighs 300 pounds?

Since this thread is concerned with whether one would marry someone in the military I am not completely sure how your question seriously relates to military men and women who, as part of that tough path to follow, are required to maintain height and weight standards. However, from my point of view, I have never met a woman who weighed 300 pounds but I have met, formed friendships with, and dated women who considered themselves very overweight. I preferred to think of them as shapely. Please understand that I am not into fat, and conversely I am not into skinny. I am into women who are attractive to me. I would like to think that I would make my judgment on a lady's attractiveness based on criteria a bit broader than her dress size. Probably the sexiest woman I ever met was rather "chubby", but she had an awsome intellect, a wicked sense of humor, and a personality that attracted me like the well known moth to the flame. When I met her she was a grad student at Oxford, and things might well have developed into something permanent except that when I came back to the States she stayed in England. She eventually married a hell of a good guy (damn), and now has a successful career in merchant banking in London while her husband is a sought after barrister who will likely make QC in a couple of years.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

Since this thread is concerned with whether one would marry someone in the military I am not completely sure how your question seriously relates to military men and women who, as part of that tough path to follow, are required to maintain height and weight standards. However, from my point of view, I have never met a woman who weighed 300 pounds but I have met, formed friendships with, and dated women who considered themselves very overweight. I preferred to think of them as shapely. Please understand that I am not into fat, and conversely I am not into skinny. I am into women who are attractive to me. I would like to think that I would make my judgment on a lady's attractiveness based on criteria a bit broader than her dress size. Probably the sexiest woman I ever met was rather "chubby", but she had an awsome intellect, a wicked sense of humor, and a personality that attracted me like the well known moth to the flame. When I met her she was a grad student at Oxford, and things might well have developed into something permanent except that when I came back to the States she stayed in England. She eventually married a hell of a good guy (damn), and now has a successful career in merchant banking in London while her husband is a sought after barrister who will likely make QC in a couple of years.

An outsider judging your preference could say "I don't admire a man who would settle for internal beauty when the complete package of internal and external beauty is out there."

See--preferences and things that go along with our ideals and expectations are what this thread is about. You're not under a social contract to date or marry "internally unattractive" women. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge that such women are probably making some contributions to this world and making some other men happy, though.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

An outsider judging your preference could say "I don't admire a man who would settle for internal beauty when the complete package of internal and external beauty is out there."

See--preferences and things that go along with our ideals and expectations are what this thread is about. You're not under a social contract to date or marry "internally unattractive" women. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge that such women are probably making some contributions to this world and making some other men happy, though.

I didn't realize that I was settling for anything. I thought I was choosing the one whose total persona was attractive to me. I certainly do not consider myself under any social contract to date "internally unattractive" women. To me internally attractive is just as, if not more so, important as external appearance. As my Grand Dad used to say, one must ask what sort of man would prefer jeunne beaujolais to a richly complex claret. Even when I was a small boy I understood that he was not talking about wine.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

I thought I was choosing the one whose total persona was attractive to me..

Eventhough you missed the point and went on a rant, you accidentally supported what we're saying: We're making choices based on what we find attractive and what we find fits our life expectations and goals. That pertains to dating and marrying military men and any other type of man.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Eventhough you missed the point and went on a rant, you accidentally supported what we're saying: We're making choices based on what we find attractive and what we find fits our life expectations and goals. That pertains to dating and marrying military men and any other type of man.

Couple of thoughts:
First, I believe we are fairly close to agreement here. As I said, I do not have, and should not have, any problem with anyone's decision on such a matter as marriage to a military person when that decision is based on reflection and consideration that the military path either as a soldier or as a spouse is just not for them. In my own experience, I did not choose to be a Jesuit Priest. I thought about it and decided that it was not the path for me. I want to love a woman as a husband. If this proves your point, fine with me. My comment was about my reaction with regard to those who rejected the possibility of marriage to a soldier for frivolous reasons without reflection and consideration.
Second, I don't think I was "accidentally" supporting your position, I was answering a question by stating what has always been my position, that I personally don't like life affecting decisions based on superficial and frivolous criteria. I don't think its appropriate for me to comment on anyone's decision made after reflection and consideration. If this supports your position, then great! I would rather find agreement.
As an OBTW, regarding missing the point, my attitudinal comments are directed to "would you MARRY someone in the military?", and not directed as to who anyone might want to date on a social basis. I think there is a vast difference between the two, and I'm really not anywhere near that uptight.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

First, I believe we are fairly close to agreement here.

Good.

This thread was never really about patriotism and military appreciation, like you tried to make it.

[dekeguy]

DSTCHAOS,
Aw, just when I thought we were getting close to common ground.
Actually, my comments were meant to be less about patriotism and appreciation and more about life altering decisions made on good or not so good criteria. The subject of the thread was about marriage to a military person and I admit I do have strong feelings on the subject based on my experience as a commanding officer in a forward deployed location and on my Dad's, both as a CO and as a lawyer trying to help people in that difficult path of marriage in the military. As I said, I am in awe of those who choose the path of military marriage and make it work, but it really is not for everyone, nor should it be.
I happily concede that the decision lies with the decider, I just feel that life altering decisions need to be made on a considered basis. I have seen too many instances of friends and acquaintences who made snap decisions on rather frivolous grounds, and very nearly all of them later came to regret those decisions. Is this a rant? Probably, but its also letting down my guard and telling you why I might come off as hard over on the subject. It really does matter to me and I do think my thoughts are gremain to the subject of the thread. OK, shields are down, over to you.