Tacky wedding "invitation"

[tunatartare]

That does sound tacky to me, they should've sent out real invitations. When I was in the Dominican Republic, we met a couple from Canada that got married there. They had about 20-30 people total in their wedding party. The bride said that because she knew that most people weren't going to make it to the wedding, she was able to invite people that she didn't really want there but was obligated to invite (family friends, work colleagues, etc.) without feeling guilty. She said she send out several hundred invitations, but they were actual invitations. I've gotten invitations to weddings in Israel and Italy before. I think that you should still get them a gift, but you don't have to worry about getting them anything too expensive or fancy. Just get them like measuring spoons and a salt and pepper shaker or somehting small like that off the registry.

[squirrely girl]

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

[AGDee]

I hear huge complaints from people who receive destination wedding invites when it's obvious that they won't be attending. My opinion is that, if you're having a destination wedding, then you only invite your immediate family and close friends. It seems more tacky to me to say "Hey, come spend $2000 to come to my destination wedding" than to simply not invite people and, if asked, explain "We're having a small, private destination wedding".

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I hear huge complaints from people who receive destination wedding invites when it's obvious that they won't be attending. My opinion is that, if you're having a destination wedding, then you only invite your immediate family and close friends. It seems more tacky to me to say "Hey, come spend $2000 to come to my destination wedding" than to simply not invite people and, if asked, explain "We're having a small, private destination wedding".

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

[tunatartare]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

Yes, definitely.

[KSigkid]

Was it an invitation, or was it a "Save the Date" with an invitation to follow? That might be the case, and as someone else said, maybe they didn't want to leave anyone out.

In some cases you're going to get grief either way; if you don't send the invite, people will be upset, and if you do send the invite, people just think you're fishing for gifts.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

In some cases you're going to get grief either way; if you don't send the invite, people will be upset, and if you do send the invite, people just think you're fishing for gifts.

You could always include "No gifts necessary" at the bottom (especially if they're homemade), or "Gifts are appreciated, but not necessary", if you want to be more classy about fishing for gifts.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I don't know if it's tacky. It's not how I would handle it. This is the couple's wedding, and they can do whatever they want. You can't satisfy everybody. Someone will always complain.


The groom is the son of your father's partner. I think it is nice that they even thought of inviting his father's partner. I'm not sure what business they are in or how close your families are. I think if your parents opt not to attend the wedding, they should send an appropriate gift, not a cheap gift. This gift is a reflection of a professional relationship. Case in point, my sister invited all of my mother's law firm partners to her wedding because that is what our mother wanted. Most attended, but the few who did not sent beautiful gifts like crystal from the registry.

[adpiucf]

Sounds more like a Save The Date... which I get these days and they range from ultra slick "pre" invitations, to an informal notecard.

Want to hear tacky? I have a distant relative getting married. My mom lives in the same state as the relative and received a shower invitation. At the bottom, the bride's mom wrote: Dear ADPiUCF-Mom, We know you probably can't make it. Please don't feel obligated to come or send a gift."

Now THAT is tacky.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

In my big Italian family, all aunts, uncles, cousins are considered "immediate family" and can't be excluded from any invite, so I would think of your husbands family as "immediate". It's different than inviting work partners of your parents to a destination wedding.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

It's extremely tacky & beyond rude. A few years ago, a girl I've known since high school got engaged. She invited me everywhere including shopping for stuff for her new house. Though I wasn't in the wedding party, I (stupidly) assumed I'd be invited to the wedding b/c we had grown so close in the year prior to her wedding. After months of parties & gifts, I was dismayed to learn that I was not invited to her wedding. Her explanation was that it was for immediate family & a few close friends. I would have accepted that IF I hadn't already known that these few family & friends totalled 300 people.
It's just tacky & rude. Needless to say, we didn't talk so much after that & only recently has she started talking to me again. Ironically enough, she's pregnant & is itching to talk about her pregnancy & her future baby showers.

[AOII_LB93]

[QUOTE=BetteDavisEyesIronically enough, she's pregnant & is itching to talk about her pregnancy & her future baby showers.[/QUOTE]

Ugh...she probably wants lots of presents from you, but won't actually invite you to the showers or anything.

Yeah, I was a bit put off to say the least, I did the classy thing and sent a nice gift anyhow. I'll be polite when I see her, but you can bet that I will not go out of my way for her anymore.

[gpb1874]

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

I actually just got back from a jamaica wedding a few weeks ago. Invitations were sent to a lot of people (both have mid-size families and tons of friends) and they were real invitations - done about 6 months ahead of time. But, they also had a reception in their hometown for those that could not make it and that information was on the invite as well. About 40 people attended the Jamaica wedding and around the same went to the reception, with quite a few going to both.

I don't think they ended up saving much money by having a destination wedding, especially with the "second" reception......I would have saved more, but then I wouldn't have gone to Jamaica either.

It does sound a little tacky what the above couple did. It's sort of a "save the date" notice, but not really. They should have left off the part about "let us know if you want to go so we can send a real invite later."

[AKA_Monet]

My husband and I were "forced" into having a "religious ceremony" with all the trimmings--dress, invitations, reception, etc... And it was destination--thinking that the location was a "spiritual one" that would enhance everyone's mood for love... Boy, were we wrong...

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...

[Jill1228]

Ya know, weddings, funerals and family reunions bring out the fool in folx!

We had a destination wedding too but I would have never done anything so tacky as the "let us know if you are coming and we will send a real invite"

Why oh why do stores give you cards to put in your wedding invites to let folx know where you are registered! HOW Tacky! better yet, why are folx dumb enough to put them in the invites. It looks like you are trolling for gifts!


Tell your most gossipy friend and/or relative where you are registered...it will get around!

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...