Tacky wedding "invitation"

Wine&SilverBlue · #1 07-02-2006, 10:59 PM

is it tacky to invite people you KNOW cant attend?

Rio_Kohitsuji · #2 07-02-2006, 11:04 PM

Honestly? Just play nice and buy them some cheap towels.

tunatartare · #3 07-02-2006, 11:16 PM

That does sound tacky to me, they should've sent out real invitations. When I was in the Dominican Republic, we met a couple from Canada that got married there. They had about 20-30 people total in their wedding party. The bride said that because she knew that most people weren't going to make it to the wedding, she was able to invite people that she didn't really want there but was obligated to invite (family friends, work colleagues, etc.) without feeling guilty. She said she send out several hundred invitations, but they were actual invitations. I've gotten invitations to weddings in Israel and Italy before. I think that you should still get them a gift, but you don't have to worry about getting them anything too expensive or fancy. Just get them like measuring spoons and a salt and pepper shaker or somehting small like that off the registry.

squirrely girl · #4 07-03-2006, 12:23 AM

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

AGDee · #5 07-03-2006, 08:08 AM

I hear huge complaints from people who receive destination wedding invites when it's obvious that they won't be attending. My opinion is that, if you're having a destination wedding, then you only invite your immediate family and close friends. It seems more tacky to me to say "Hey, come spend $2000 to come to my destination wedding" than to simply not invite people and, if asked, explain "We're having a small, private destination wedding".

AOII_LB93 · #6 07-03-2006, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

I hear huge complaints from people who receive destination wedding invites when it's obvious that they won't be attending. My opinion is that, if you're having a destination wedding, then you only invite your immediate family and close friends. It seems more tacky to me to say "Hey, come spend $2000 to come to my destination wedding" than to simply not invite people and, if asked, explain "We're having a small, private destination wedding".

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

tunatartare · #7 07-03-2006, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

Yes, definitely.

AGDee · #8 07-04-2006, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

In my big Italian family, all aunts, uncles, cousins are considered "immediate family" and can't be excluded from any invite, so I would think of your husbands family as "immediate". It's different than inviting work partners of your parents to a destination wedding.

BetteDavisEyes · #9 07-05-2006, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

It's extremely tacky & beyond rude. A few years ago, a girl I've known since high school got engaged. She invited me everywhere including shopping for stuff for her new house. Though I wasn't in the wedding party, I (stupidly) assumed I'd be invited to the wedding b/c we had grown so close in the year prior to her wedding. After months of parties & gifts, I was dismayed to learn that I was not invited to her wedding. Her explanation was that it was for immediate family & a few close friends. I would have accepted that IF I hadn't already known that these few family & friends totalled 300 people.
It's just tacky & rude. Needless to say, we didn't talk so much after that & only recently has she started talking to me again. Ironically enough, she's pregnant & is itching to talk about her pregnancy & her future baby showers.

gpb1874 · #10 07-03-2006, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

I actually just got back from a jamaica wedding a few weeks ago. Invitations were sent to a lot of people (both have mid-size families and tons of friends) and they were real invitations - done about 6 months ahead of time. But, they also had a reception in their hometown for those that could not make it and that information was on the invite as well. About 40 people attended the Jamaica wedding and around the same went to the reception, with quite a few going to both.

I don't think they ended up saving much money by having a destination wedding, especially with the "second" reception......I would have saved more, but then I wouldn't have gone to Jamaica either.

It does sound a little tacky what the above couple did. It's sort of a "save the date" notice, but not really. They should have left off the part about "let us know if you want to go so we can send a real invite later."

AKA_Monet · #11 07-03-2006, 08:19 PM

My husband and I were "forced" into having a "religious ceremony" with all the trimmings--dress, invitations, reception, etc... And it was destination--thinking that the location was a "spiritual one" that would enhance everyone's mood for love... Boy, were we wrong...

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...

Jill1228 · #12 07-04-2006, 09:47 AM

Ya know, weddings, funerals and family reunions bring out the fool in folx!

We had a destination wedding too but I would have never done anything so tacky as the "let us know if you are coming and we will send a real invite"

Why oh why do stores give you cards to put in your wedding invites to let folx know where you are registered! HOW Tacky! better yet, why are folx dumb enough to put them in the invites. It looks like you are trolling for gifts!

Tell your most gossipy friend and/or relative where you are registered...it will get around!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...

sdsuchelle · #13 07-03-2006, 12:47 PM

Ehh, if it's an actual invitation then yes, it's tacky, but if it's a save-the-date thing its not.

And I think if you're having a destination wedding, it's perfectly fine to invite a lot of people. I think it would be a lot ruder to not invite someone just because you assumed they wouldn't come. Maybe some people want a nice little vacay!

Tbagger Vance · #14 07-03-2006, 11:59 PM

One time I got the tackiest invitation from some girl. So tacky that I knocked the black out of her. She's white. Well...now she is

DSTCHAOS · #15 07-04-2006, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

My dad's work partner's son recently got engaged. A few days ago they got the following "invitation" in the mail:

An 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper with a homemade printed "invitiation" mentioning that they had gotten engaged and would be getting married in Bermuda - to let the couple know if you would likely be attending so they could help everyone get travel arrangements, and then included a "reminder magnet" with their picture and the date. I think it said invitiations would then follow to those who were interested.

In other words - "Hi we're going to have a destination wedding so we don't need to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon and we know you aren't really going to come so we're not even going to send you a real invitation. Instead we'll send these to everyone we know so we can fish for gifts without worrying about them coming to the wedding, and then the few people who come can get real invitations - that way we can narrow our costs and guest list but still milk everyone for gifts."

At least that's how my parents interpreted it...

Should they get them a gift?

Is this kind of invite common or tacky? or both?

They should give them a gift and I think your parents are being overly analytical and paranoid.

This is a common invite for people who are getting married overseas--or simply out of town. Why are they concerned about the couples motive for getting married overseas, anyway? Every couple has the right to choose their wedding logistics based on budget and convenience. The family members and friends who can attend will attend without being pissy about it.